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Original poster

Party protocol

81 replies

Opalfeet · 08/10/2021 21:44

My little one at nursery been invited to a party, we don't know the mum or the girl. Obviously the mum has asked nursery to give invites out to everyone- how lovely!

So we will be going because my son says he would like to go to eat cake 🤣

Its traditional, local church hall etc. So what about siblings? I know people have said it's cheeky on here before, but I think that's normally been for full on parties booked at special venues. Do I just ask? Happy to leave him at home, but equally it would be easier for me to take him.

Also how much to spend on a present and do I just guess what to buy a little girl?

Thanks everyone

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FelicityPike · 09/10/2021 08:38

No siblings.
A jigsaw box set? A craft kit? For presents.

Macauley · 09/10/2021 08:44

If you havent been to a party before I wouldn't take an under 2. It will be a nightmare and stressful for you!
You will have to keep toddler away from the games and the food. No prizes for them and no party bag. They just wont understand. If there is a bouncy castle well they are carnage at the best of times even if they are all the same size.
I have similar age children and my toddler will have to come to my 4 year olds party. I'm dreading it!

olympicsrock · 09/10/2021 08:51

No don’t take sibling. Extra children is more work / stress/ food. You will have toddler drama when no
Party bag for them. If you know the party mum quite well it is ok to ask if you can bring sibling ( or if a single
Parent) . So not just turn up with sibling would be very rude.

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olympicsrock · 09/10/2021 08:51

Do not...

Comedycook · 09/10/2021 08:54

I disagree with most of these posts. I've been to plenty of kids parties in church halls...no one bats an eyelid at a mum bringing a toddler along.

LakeShoreD · 09/10/2021 08:55

Do not take the sibling, do not even ask, unless you have no other option e.g. you’re a single parent. It’s rude and the host will feel like they have to say yes but if everyone did it then they’d end up with like a third more kids. And a 4YOs party probably won’t be suitable for under 2s anyway so it would be stressful on you. Buy a gift, we spend about £15-20 usually. Art stuff, books and Lego always go down well. Enjoy!

JayAlfredPrufrock · 09/10/2021 08:56

Personally I wouldn’t take a sibling.

Wagglerock · 09/10/2021 09:06

Babes in arms ok but not an older mobile baby or toddler. Imagine if everyone invited brought a sibling or two (or three!). Plus it's nice for the older one to have some time off from their sibling, they're not a package deal.

I usually spend £5-10 on a present - colouring in, a book, crayons, bubbles, little bit of chocolate....

Mumdiva99 · 09/10/2021 09:15

No to sibling. If you ask mum will feel obliged to say yes. (I had similar and we did a hall party because we had no space at home not because my child wanted loads of kids there....I'm fact I did it for my eldest two and they had a strict limit on numbers each....6 each I think it was....then I could cope with running party games, parents didn't have to stay, we had a lovely time. (My friends kids siblings were factored in)....as my kids got older any parent with childcare issues I always accounted for their other kids but this was after knowing their situation and the fact my child would be disappointed if their friend wasn't there.

EatSprayGlove · 09/10/2021 09:24

I agree no siblings unless you have no alternative and then ask. I have explicitly written "siblings welcome but tell me in advance" on invites and many people turned up with more siblings/cousins without mentioning and expected party bags etc. Particular with covid I think the expectation is siblings shouldn't come unless expressly invited. Mind you I have a classmate who always takes a sibling even where not invited to soft play/activity parties etc and no one ever says no to her (except me!)

Original poster

Opalfeet · 09/10/2021 09:25

🤣 seems almost unanimous then. Still not sure about present though 🤔. Book just seems a bit boring and a cop out. Like we have books coming out of our ears so I'd see it as a bit of a shit present

OP posts:

neededafart · 09/10/2021 09:29

Never take a sibling unless they are babies.

£10 present. Craft. Books. Jigsaw.

Mumdiva99 · 09/10/2021 09:31

Ask the mum what the child is into....that will guide the present buying. Or something for the garden....ball on a string....books with noise to press as you read the book. Hat and gloves set - practical if not fun.....or Gelli barf - the stuff that makes your bathwater thick gloopy coloured gel...lots of fun.

Macauley · 09/10/2021 09:31

The orchard games are always a good present. Any crafty things too.

AliMonkey · 09/10/2021 09:35

Babe is arms would in my experience be universally accepted (though should still check with parent). If older and no choice eg single parent then also usually ok but need to check with parent - in my view should be done as “really sorry, but no other option, would it be ok, but obviously I’m not expecting you to provide food or anything” and other parent would normally say “that’s fine and don’t worry, they can have the party food”. If it was in a pay per head venue then in that circumstance I would definitely say along lines of “really sorry but X can only come if I can bring sibling, so it will have to be a no unless you’d be ok with me bringing him - obviously I’d pay for him - but completely understand if not possible”. The good news is that soon you’ll be able to drop and run for parties (though actually I found them useful in early years for getting to know other parents).

And re present, book or easy craft kit or jigsaw was always my choice and always appreciated if we were given.

BluebellsGreenbells · 09/10/2021 09:38

it makes it a bit more affordable and maybe open to extra siblings

Defeats the ‘cheap’ option if you double the guest list?

I have twins - most of the time only one had an an invite even though they were in the same nursery - still wouldn’t take the other it was T1 party not T2 and vise versa

toomuchlaundry · 09/10/2021 09:44

I would prefer a book for a gift. If everyone brings a gift that is a lot of things that will need a home for and can be overwhelming for the birthday child. Also can end up with a lot of plastic tat

user1493494961 · 09/10/2021 09:47

Books are brilliant presents. I can't be the only one who thinks that OP is going to rock-up to the party with sibling in tow.

Lindy2 · 09/10/2021 09:47

Don't take the sibling and don't ask if they can come. It's very awkward for the party hosts to be put on the spot like that.

I've been in that position felt pressured to say yes even though I didn't want siblings there. I didn't invite that child to future parties after that.

You say you can leave the sibling at home so do that. Let your other child enjoy being with his nursery friends. As they get older your kids will do more things separately.

A present from £5 upwards is the norm really. Books, a colouring set, paints, a kite, play doh, lego anything like that would do.

BigRedDuck · 09/10/2021 09:49

Don't take the sibling, it's just rude! If it was a baby in arms then fine. Toddler can stay at home if you have the option to.

GU24Mum · 09/10/2021 09:49

If it's a village hall party and the parents are going to be there and chatting at the back - AND - you don't really have another option, I'd take the sibling BUT would look after them with the other parents at the back rather than let them join in and I certainly wouldn't let them try and sit down for the party food or join in games. The odd younger one jumping at the back to musical statues is fine.... what isn't fine is trying to let a toddler have a turn on a bouncy castle, letting them join Pass the Parcel and cry when they don't win..... assuming they can sit down for tea and do so right in the middle of a group of nursery friends or cry when there is no party bag (tears of experience......!)

If you bring the sibling and look after him/her, you'll probably be offered a few sandwiches/biscuits, he/she can have a bit of a dance and might be given a spare pack of sweets at the end. That's fine, expecting them to join us isnt!

jputthekettleon · 09/10/2021 10:06

The works do presents think it’s 2 for £10 so brings the cost down if you have other parties to go to and the gifts are crafty/fun things that are age appropriate. Play dough also good or kinetic sand …

R00tat00tt00t · 09/10/2021 10:06

I'm with the majority on this. If you can leave the toddler at home with OH/GP's please do. Don't ask the other mum if you can take sibling unless you absolutely have to as they will feel obliged. I think its quite rude to assume that the party hosts have gone for a traditional party based on affordability (i.e. to keep it cheap). You don't know what they've go planned, entertainers/bouncy castles aren't cheap.
It will be impossible to keep your toddler out of other older kids way and they are likely to get hurt when running about or jumping on bouncy castles. Cue lots of bumped heads, burst lips, crying which will all be very stressful for you and the host and take their attention away from their kids party...Don't even get me started on the expectation from some parents that sibling can just get plunked down at a seat at the party table and eat with everyone else. The host might have prepared little individual picnic boxes and not have "a few extra sandwiches and cheap crisps/cakes".
On present ideas: Usborne sticker/activity books with pack of glittery crayons/washable felt tips and small pack of sweets or hair clips. Kids love "bits".
Do what you like at your kids party but please don't take siblings unless you really have to or you know the host well in which case they'd probably have mentioned bringing toddler along anyway.

Original poster

Opalfeet · 09/10/2021 10:07

I can't be the only one that thinks op will rock up with a sibling in tow
Well actually that's why I asked, I wasn't sure if it might be usual in hall type parties, rather than like soft play or wotevs. I've read posts on here about party planning with advice such as ensure enough food for five extra if people bring siblings etc.

That's okay, it's not the norm then I won't take him, why would I ask advice and ignore it?

Agree @toomuchlaundry too much plastic tat could be a pain.

Orchard games have been mentioned to me before @Macauley, I'll check those out.

@Mumdiva99. Yeah I did consider asking mum when rsvp ing but I don't know her so I felt a bit awkward.

I've actually Facebooked her so I know who she is now, I recognise her (I think) 🤔 but not her daughter, who seems a very girly girl

OP posts:

Original poster

Opalfeet · 09/10/2021 10:07

Should sat Facebook stalked her 🤦‍♀️

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