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Original poster

12 months maternity??

53 replies

guiltymamma · 04/10/2021 17:46

How normal is it to take a year off for maternity?

Me and DH make decent salaries, but also have a bit of debt and therefore lots of bills / payments to make. I only get statutory maternity pay, and so will only get my 6 weeks at 90%, then the base SMP rate. Frankly we just won't be able to pay our obligations without both of us earning for any length of time.

I think we can stretch our finances to let me take about 3 months off... but I'd then have to go back full time, albeit possibly with condensed hours and some working from home. My health visitor seemed particularly judgemental about this being "very quick" to go back to work, and I have friends who have also raised eyebrows.

Do most mothers take the full year, or become SAHMs? Would love to hear some positive experiences of mums who have had to (or wanted to!) go back to work fairly quickly.

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Fallagain · 04/10/2021 18:23

I think 3 months is less than average. Bare in mind people often take a couple of weeks of before the baby comes and you don’t know when that is. Many parents would really struggle to deal with that level of lack of sleep and work.

If you are returning to work soon - you mention HV so I’m assuming the baby is here or will be soo , then you need to sort of childcare ASAP as some areas have waiting lists.

Swissmummy15 · 04/10/2021 18:25

You just have to look internationally to see that there are lots of different norms about! I am in Switzerland where you get about 3 months maternity leave (I have then taken an extra 3 months totally unpaid) my UK colleagues are shocked at how quick I will be back! Whereas my US ones think I am out a ridiculously long time! Whatever decision you make there are challenges, so you just have to decide what makes sense for you, and run with it!

Niffler92 · 04/10/2021 18:27

I’m my experience it’s very quick in my experience most people save up to be able to take some time off and enjoy time with baby. However 12 weeks used to be the norm.

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Niffler92 · 04/10/2021 18:28

The soonest anyone I know has gone back is six month with the exception of self employed people who could keep baby with them.

Michellexxx · 04/10/2021 18:28

It is on the shorter end, for sure. You won’t be getting much sleep in the day and baby will still be very little.
If you have to do it, then you’ll make it worm. Good luck!

mnahmnah · 04/10/2021 18:29

I took sixth months off with each of mine, as we couldn’t afford more. I still got funny looks out of pity or outraged comments from some people. Most at my work take between 9 months and a year. I also went back full-time.

To be honest, I found it hard enough leaving them at 6 months. I can’t imagine leaving them earlier. But you have to do what works for your family and not care what others think. I always responded with a fixed smile and a ‘well we can’t afford longer’. Shuts them up and makes them realise they were being nosy and judgmental.

Farcry66 · 04/10/2021 18:31

I went back at 10 weeks with my first, as I couldn't afford anything else and 12 weeks with the second. I was incredibly lucky as both boys slept through from 6 or 7 weeks so I wasn't exhausted. It is definately doable, just need to cross your fingers baby let's you sleep!!

If I have another baby is love to take a full 6 months, but a lot of things have to fall in to place for that to happen!

RandomMess · 04/10/2021 18:33

Times have changed.

With my eldest I had 9 weeks, then the next was 16 weeks, the next 26 weeks and the youngest it was the current guidelines.

In many ways leaving them younger is easier, they don't get separation anxiety for starters. Baby doesn't care who is looking after them and you just kind of get on with it.

Have you factored in nursery costs when deciding how long to take off? It's horrible situation to not have the choice

JuneOsborne · 04/10/2021 18:40

12 weeks is young. Not every nursery takes babies that young, partly I imagine, because there isn't much demand for it.

With my maternity pay, I was able to to spread out the whole amount over the time I wanted. So I spread mine out into even payments across the whole year. I mean, I know it's not any more money, but it does help with budgeting and getting a handle on how many weeks you could actually afford.

Also, have you stripped out as much as possible from your outgoings?

And you could totally start buying food basics and nappies now to spread the cost even more of those weeks to eek out your time further.

How many weeks until you go on mat leave?

Is it possible to save as much as possible now?

JuneOsborne · 04/10/2021 18:40

Oh, have you already had the baby?

ruinedalready · 04/10/2021 18:41

My maternity was over covid so was an absolute riot.. I couldn't go back to work as it was closed and the furlough was my wage so they advised me to stay on maternity opposed to getting furlough as I would be worse off :(
And my partners self employed.. so we got £600 income.. didn't even pay the mortgage and council tax 😖
But we made it work! Spoke to creditors and requested a few months payment holidays etc!
So maybe you can do simelar.. reduce payments etc and try to enjoy some time with your baby :) it's hard but worth the extra time!

mayblossominapril · 04/10/2021 18:44

Will holiday entitlement enable you to take a bit longer. You can do 10 kit days which you are paid for and if you are employed you can do self employed work during maternity leave.

Margo34 · 04/10/2021 18:45

Definitely factor in any potential childcare costs of going back to work unless you're lucky enough to have family nearby willing to help out.

Chewbecca · 04/10/2021 18:47

Save, save, save.

That’s how I eked my 6w pay out for a year anyway. Cleared all debts, worked out which bills DH could cover and what I needed to live on and saved enough to ‘pay’ myself a small amount for the year.

felulageller · 04/10/2021 18:48

You need to sort your finances.

Is DP expecting you to still pay your 'half' of the bills when you are on mat leave?

Then it's a DP problem not a money problem!

Cut back all your expenses and use money saving expert to rejig your debt. Do t wait until you are on mat leave as your credit score will go down. Remortgage if you have to.

If you are struggling this much how are you going to afford childcare?

ACNHMAMA · 04/10/2021 18:52

Agree with others posting, looking into childcare before making any decisions about going back. I went back at 6 months and a lot of childcare providers wouldn't take my baby because they were too young. So God knows what I would have done with a 3 month old! Childcare also gets booked up far in advance, so you will probably need to get the baby booked in before it arrives if you're going back at 3 months.

BlueberrySugar · 04/10/2021 18:53

I saved whilst pregnant and took the full year. I actually didn't end up going back. When we factored in childcare there was no point.

TheGrumpyGoat · 04/10/2021 18:54

Will you be able to pay your debts/obligations alongside childcare? Have you looked into whether any nurseries near you take babies that age? Our nursery doesn’t take babies under 9 months.
12 weeks is definitely shorter than most but I know 1 person who has done this. It was tough but they got through it.
Mine didn’t sleep through the night until they were much, much older so it would have been a real struggle.

Betsyboo87 · 04/10/2021 18:54

Only 3 months maternity leave where I live. I took some unpaid and some annual leave so returned at 7 months. Sleep would be the biggest decider for me. I couldn’t have gone back after 3, DS was still waking hourly at that point and I was absolutely exhausted. By 7 months he was only waking once for a quick bottle so totally doable. I did feel ready to return at that point, I didn’t really enjoy the baby stage, I’d love to take some more now he’s a toddler though.

babybath · 04/10/2021 18:57

@guiltymamma I would say 3 months is less than most. Did you save when trying / during pregnancy? Most people are on SMP and I think saving is the only way. What will happen when your baby needs to go to nursery money wise? If you can afford that, surely you can afford a few more months off.

I'm 7 months into my leave, and I'm enjoying it so much more than I thought I would. The first 3 months are a bit of a blur and it gets more fun as you go on. So consider taking longer - you'll love it and won't look back regretting the time off work.

CarryOnNurse20 · 04/10/2021 18:58

OP it’s short but doable if that’s all you can afford. Try to ignore the judgement from the HV and other mums- you can’t win in motherhood. If you can’t afford to be off it is what it is. I took 8 months with one and 11 with the other. Both were fine- I felt to be going back ‘early’ when it was 8 months but a few of my mum friends were back before me the second time. I enjoy work though and both times went back part time so it wasn’t so bad. Leaving a 12 week old 5 days a week might be hard emotionally for you (and depending on the baby’s temperament it might be very hard for then too). But all you can do is your best 💕

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 04/10/2021 19:02

I'm in the UK and haven't known anyone take so little time off eg friends and colleagues.

I wouldn't say 1 year is the norm but it's common and most people have 9 months+ IME

SunndyD · 04/10/2021 19:06

My friend took 10 weeks off, she was offered a promotion that was too good to turn down, her DD went to nursey full and flourished, she has zero regrets. It worked for them.
I went back to work full time after 6 months, she was my 2nd and we simply couldn’t afford to have any more time off, she went to nursery full time. She’s a fiesty confident 2 year old and again no regrets. The only thing we’ve struggled with is her sleep, she’s a bad sleeper… always has been. Working full time and her sleep broke me at times…. Constant headaches and exhaustion. But we had no choice, we couldn’t afford the privilege of taking a full year off or being a stay at home mum.

Do what works for you OP ☺️

WashableVelvet · 04/10/2021 19:07

It’s short compared to some countries and long compared to others, and children right round the globe grow up fine.

I took 5m and it was fine.

Bostonbullsmumma · 04/10/2021 19:09

I was planning on taking 5 months with my first. Extended to 7 in the end. I was the first mum at the baby group I joined to go back. Everyone from the group use to say to me I went back early when they saw me! I use to work in a nursery and the youngest baby to join was 6 weeks old. You have to do what works for your family. Who will have baby as that may make the decision easier for you?

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