12 months maternity??

[guiltymamma]

How normal is it to take a year off for maternity?

Me and DH make decent salaries, but also have a bit of debt and therefore lots of bills / payments to make. I only get statutory maternity pay, and so will only get my 6 weeks at 90%, then the base SMP rate. Frankly we just won't be able to pay our obligations without both of us earning for any length of time.

I think we can stretch our finances to let me take about 3 months off... but I'd then have to go back full time, albeit possibly with condensed hours and some working from home. My health visitor seemed particularly judgemental about this being "very quick" to go back to work, and I have friends who have also raised eyebrows.

Do most mothers take the full year, or become SAHMs? Would love to hear some positive experiences of mums who have had to (or wanted to!) go back to work fairly quickly.

It may well be very hard on you physically and mentally.

Definitely factor in cost of childcare.

I have a 10 month old baby and I started back full time when she was roughly 5 months old. It was difficult and in hindsight I feel like I should have taken longer off

I'm due my first baby in April and I'll only be taking 6 weeks maternity leave as that's all I can afford and realistically it's about as long as I can expect my staff to keep my business running without things going too pear-shaped. I'm self-employed so the most I can hope for is Maternity Allowance at like £150 a week and that won't even cover half of the rent and bills. We've worked it out that we can just about afford me to take 6 weeks maternity leave with my partner subbing us for that time but we can't afford any more than that. It is what it is unfortunately.

I took 5 months off first time 6 months off second time. Both settled into nursery and I’ve no regrets.
What works for your family is your priority. I had plenty of pity comments from my NCT crowd I wish I’d had the confidence to tell them to butt out

Depends on the situation at the time.

First 2 baby's I took 11 months.

This time is different. I work for my family business, no one can really do my job. So I'll probably be back to work in 3 months.

BUT. I can do a lot of it from home. And we have sent up a baby area in the offices so the baby can come with on the days I need to go in.

I took a year off (UK based council job)
9 months off as standard in an employed uk role and then 3 months unpaid which we saved for during TTC and Mat leave. Not huge wages for me and DH also

When I had my children paid maternity leave was much shorter.
I went back when my first was 10 weeks old and 16 weeks with my second child.
Yes, it was sooner than I would have liked but at that stage in life I couldn't afford any unpaid leave.
DH lost his job during my first pregnancy and it took him a couple of months to find another.
I worked 12 hours shifts then and still managed to continue breastfeeding as I had babies who would quite happily take expressed milk in a bottle.
Many of my colleagues did the same and almost all were back by the time babies were 6 months.
I think it's only the last few years that longer maternity leave has become the norm.

I’ve taken 6 months with 2 babies (shared parental leave for DH for 6 months too) and am planning 3 months for baby #3 because also on SMP and I’m the higher earner. My aunt reminds me 12 weeks leave used to be the norm if not less. Is there any chance your DP can take up some shared parental leave if the maternity pay with his employer is more generous?

I took 4 months .. wish I had taken a little longer but couldn't afford too and yes was judged by one midwife who told me to downsize to take more time off .. yes right it's just that easy!!

I think you need to be realistic, when do you want it to start (some workplaces advise 38w some 40 some no advice given). Are you having a section or induction? So you know ish when baby will arrive. Bare in mind you might leave work at 38.0 weeks but end up going over and not being offered an induction or section until 42! That’s then 4 weeks of mat gone already. 3 months off doesn’t necessarily mean 3 months pp- even if you request to start as late as possible nowhere will let you wirk further than 39.6
Also not every birth is easy. I couldn’t walk unassisted until almost 4 months PP. I had a horrific birth and lots of postnatal illness - But if this happened could you extend or does your employer offer sick pay?
Lots to think about.

I should’ve added I wanted to take 4 months leave. But I couldn’t. I’m glad I had a good maternity package so extended it to 12 months then had corrective surgery on my birth injury at 14 months, and will be off until after Christmas when she’s 18 months on sick leave.
I really hope you have a positive birth experience and don’t need this but it’s something to think about, as I’ve ended up off 14 months longer than anticipated

With my first I took a year just because I wasn't ready for the separation from him. My second I went back at 4 months in the middle of the first wave of covid because I knew I'd get bored at home and my place of work was essential so I could still do kit days and return to work despite the whole mess.

Work is a break for me so I actually enjoyed returning to my job - almost 2yrs pp and I still have a clingy toddler day and night so it makes a breath of fresh air to be in work without anyone attached to me. Work kept me sane when I had a small baby and a child with no nursery for 7 months 😂

Anyway It's personal choice at the end of the day and no one should judge you for that

I'm taking just over a year out. As I was pregnant during most of lockdown last year, my husband and I just saved money each month. I'm also not planning on having another, so I want to take full advantage of this time.

I'm on SMP, so won't get anything after 9 months. I've actually left my old job and will get over a full month's worth of pay a month before I start my new job, so that's really helped.

Not gonna lie to though, things have been really tough. We've had to miss out on a lot, and my husband earns well below average and is also learning to drive, so things have gotten tight. It is doable though. Just see what non essentials you can cut out each month.

Thanks all - some mixed responses, though I really appreciated the reassuring and positive ones ❤️ I am in the UK too, and I do of course know that many people take 9 months to a year - but also most in my circle who do this have better packages in place than standard SMP or aren't the main breadwinners, so I was looking to hear from those who've not had that luxury to reassure me it's not the end of the world.

It's a good point to note that around the world time off does vary - @Swissmummy15 this really helps!! And also my mum and I are far closer than any other mother / daughter I know, and she was back to work at 12 weeks too, just because it was the done thing then and she had to. So I had hoped it was more a luxury than a necessity, and much as I'd like more time off, it's just not going to work out like that.

I will likely be able to condense my working hours to four days, with only one (or max two) days per week in the office, and the other two or hopefully three working from home. So I'd be home 5 or 6 days out of 7. I obviously wouldn't be able to work and look after baby at the same time - but I could at least be around / nearby!!

DH works shifts and weekends, so will also be off for quite a bit of the time during the days midweek when I'd be working - though not in a regular pattern. He is obviously going to cover as much as he can financially through mat leave (it's not a DH problem!) but all of his wages plus SMP won't cover our outgoings, as I earn more than he does.

I'm working up until 39 weeks, and then using a week's holiday to get me to 40 weeks - so my mat leave will start from my due date. (I know baby might be up to two weeks after that!) If I can stretch things out to taking any longer, even to 16 weeks, I of course will... DH does get paid overtime, and is going to try as best he can, but we obviously can't plan this quite yet. I hadn't thought at all of asking for short payment breaks, which might be a good place to start - thanks @ruinedalready.

We hopefully won't need to use paid childcare, with some flexibility / goodwill from my work, plus DH's shifts, along with my mum having just retired and being keen to look after the baby where she can. I did enquire with a local nursery who happily take babies from 3 months, which we might use for a morning or two, but wouldn't need anywhere near full time childcare - which I appreciate is extortion and offsets returning to work in a lot of cases!!

I took 12 months with both, but we planned well ahead to allow me to do so.

I'd say 3 months is very little and 9 months is average (I manage a very maternity heavy team!) I don't know anyone who took less than 6 months, most 9, lots 12 months.

Remember lots of people add annual leave to the end of may leave - you accrue annual leave AND bank holidays, so I know people who took 9 months mat leave then 2 months annual leave. I myself had 56 days annual leave & bank hols accrued after DC2!

I’ve taken 6 months each time (I have three children) - my youngest is currently 5 months and I’m going back next month. I’m not at all unusual where I am - I think people who can take a year are very lucky.

My mum only had 6 weeks off with me and my sister! She did what she had to do.

I’ve negotiated part time hours and I feel fine with what I’m doing (6 hours per day).

You need to do what's right for your baby and your family. Everyone's circumstances are different and no two babies are the same either. I would say save as much as you can, make sure you and your other half check the maternity and shared parental leave policies thoroughly to make sure you're getting everything you're entitled to. And accrue your holiday - check with HR what the policy is but normally you should be able to use up your accrued annual leave from before you start maternity leave plus whatever you accrue during maternity leave upon your return - which means you should be able to use it straight after your maternity leave and therefore have more time with the baby on full pay.

As per what @Narwhalsh said, I don't know if your partner has paid Shared Parental Leave with his job? Friends and I are finding our partners paid leave has changed in the last couple years - mine now gets 4.5 months full pay for example.

As you've got your mum, varying shifts, only nursery for a couple days a week, I'd say that sounds fine and doable.

I'm choosing to take six months of maternity split into blocks, and my partner will take five months. I don't want to be out of work for a whole year, and i think I'll look forward to each stint at home. Friends who took a year the first time are taking shorter the second because they lost themselves a bit being at home with a baby. It depends, I also have a couple of friends who are planning to be SAHMs. Everyone's different and there's no one way to do it. Ignore anyone's judgement or pity

I took 9 months as that's when the zero pay kicked in for me (teacher). I'd saved enough to cover the gap between SMP and my salary for the 18 weeks or so where it was SMP only (I think I got about 18 weeks where it was either 90% pay then down to 50% plus SMP first) but couldn't cover zero pay so went back 3 days a week for a term and a half then full time again. DD was the youngest in her room at nursery when she started but there was always one about that age starting so I'd say locally 9-12 months leave is normal. I did have a colleague that went back after 6 months but that was because she unexpectedly had hers close together and they hadn't built their saving pot back up the same as for their first child. Her mum did a lot of the childcare though which I think made it a bit easier for her to cope with coming back earlier than she'd have liked.

We started saving before i got pregnant and i have advised work i will take full leave (14 months total woth hols?) however i may well go back earlier if i fancy/ get too nervous i am destroying my career.
I am the high earner and our mortgage is large so we will likely be dipping
Into our other savings as well.

I went back when baby was 5 months. I'd have liked longer, but it was a combination of me being the breadwinner plus my work denied me part-time so I had to go back for a certain amount of time or pay back some maternity pay - and I didn't want to have to go back full time for longer than necessary.

If it helps, my sister went back when her DD was 1 month old. But then my niece had always been an excellent sleeper, so my sis was never running on a massive sleep deficit like I still am!

@guiltymamma I am in a similar boat, but have managed to come to an agreement with my employer! Same as you, both myself and husband make good salaries, but we are trying to pay off some debt also, and therefore can't really save too much at the moment - our savings are going on buying the baby bits and getting the house ready.

I am due end of January, so I am WFH from after the Christmas holidays, until I start mat leave on 24th Jan (just over 39 weeks), I am then taking just 6 weeks maternity leave (the SMP at 90%) so I don't have to take a huge drop in pay. I am then taking 2 weeks of annual leave following this, which means I will have a total of 8 weeks off of work. I am lucky in that my employer has been very lenient and after the 8 weeks I will be going back to work full time, but WFH 4 days a week and in the office for 1 day - my mum will be nanny for that day. My workload has also been adjusted slightly, so when I return full time WFH, I won't be crazy busy and therefore can literally work around the baby from home while providing our own childcare - childcare is far too expensive and we could not afford that. I know I am lucky in this situation, as my salary will be staying the same.

If you don't ask you don't get. I had no idea my employer would be kind enough to offer that to me, and wouldn't of known if I hadn't of approached them with a proposal. It is always worth an ask.

(Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to have 12 months off, but financially it is not feasible)

I don't know anyone who went back before a year. I think three months would be REALLY hard!

There is no normal in this and you'll find that most people's opinions will be firmly at either end of the spectrum. Women who want as long off as possible and women who claim to have been back whilst still delivering the placenta.

I've received statutory with both my mat leaves. I took the time off that suited my situation at that point and didn't let either be driven by finances.

First time I was off for over a year, taking my full 12 months and using annual leave either end.

Second time I was back on my usual hours the day he turned six months. I also worked all KIT days, starting when he was around two months.

Personally I found it a much easier transition returning after a shorter leave and DS settled well into childcare. If your finances will only allow three months, and if you feel emotionally and physically ready to return at that point the go back.

I took 9 months which seems about typical among women I know. I found the first six months very difficult both times and so only really enjoyed the last few months. I would have found it very hard to go back after 3 months, especially with my first who was an atrocious sleeper.

Having said that, it is the norm in other countries so if you have to go back you will of course manage. I'd try drag it out for as long as possible though.