Did anyone have a second child despite hating the baby stage?

[Opus17]

Hi everyone,

Basically due to fertility problems, we're likely going to have to make a decision in the next few months whether or not to have a second child through ICSI (DH's swimmers are only getting worse and worse). DS is 15 months old. I'd rather wait until next summer but we may not have the luxury to wait that long.

I would love a second child but the thought of going through the baby stage again fills me with absolute dread. DS had cmpa, screamed all day for his first 5 weeks then after a trip to osteopath, his screaming decreased to every day for around 3-5 hours until around 14 weeks, and it was just absolutely dreadful. It left me and DH with some issues regarding his crying that took us a long time to get over (DH still worries about waking him now cause when that happened back in the early days, the screaming would start again - obviously this never happens anymore unless he's teething or ill).

We relaxed a lot more at 6 months, then from 9 months old, I finally started enjoying being a parent, and from then on, it's mostly been happy times! As a toddler, he's such a happy, content little boy and I adore this stage, and him, so much. Part of me thinks, I'm so happy now, having another baby would send us back into that awful time, and another part of me thinks but it's such a short time in the grand scheme of things, is it worth it to push through it?

I'm just looking for any advice or any experience. Did you really want a second child but not a second baby? Did you do it anyway? How was it? What's it like now they're older? Do you regret it or are you happy you went through the hard stage to now have your two children?

Thanks everyone

I had my first two 22 months apart..first and second were easy…if I had my third child first I would have been scared about having another one !! Basically it is down to personality and health!!
My son is now 21 and an absolutely beautiful guy inside and out . X

Thanks everyone! Still reading all your replies and feeling more relaxed with each one.
I forgot to say in my last post, good luck to all those pregnant with their second now.

It seems to be generally that if you have a difficult first baby, you get geared up for the same second time around and it is never as bad as you think!
This thread has helped me want to move forward with having a second. DH has agreed to not prevent from December, unlikely we'll get pregnant but not impossible and with male factor, it can fluctuate so here's hoping! Icsi will be a conversation for next summer if no pregnancy happens.

I really hated the baby stage. I didn't bond straight away, my mental health suffered but we wanted another so we did. They are both adults now but things are so much easier with a 2nd child because you know the difficult days will end and you have far more experience.

With the first child you make note of first words, first tooth, when they came out of nappies etc. I don't remember any of those details with my second child because they just don't seem as important anymore.

Good luck

@Opus17 that’s exciting news. If you can get through a CMPA crying baby you can handle a second! First of all, you know all about allergies so can likely prevent it. Even if you just get a general colicky baby it is so much more manageable. The crying doesn’t cause as much stress/ fear as the first time around. Plus you’re way too busy dealing with the toddler to notice much.

One of my twins is a dream baby and I have to say it’s very healing to know that all babies are different and I didn’t do anything wrong the first time.

My first had CMPA too - horrific. I still cannot talk about it over 5 years later but just because one child has it, it doesn’t mean other siblings will.

We had another baby just over three years later. He is easier and no CMPA.

Due to huge sleep deprivation with our first, we saved up for a long time to hire a night nurse on and off over the first 3 months. Could you do this?

I hated the baby stage but it went very fast. We kept our first child in nursery a few mornings during mat leave (before Covid struck).

He’s now 2 and mostly it gets easier and easier. It’s so lovely seeing them together - no regrets.

Yes. We had dcs 2 and 3.
dc1 was a baby that nearly broke us. dcs 2 and 3 both a walk in the park in comparison. Don't presume dc2 will be like dc1.
EVen if you were unlucky enough to have another dc1 type, you will now at least know my favourite parenting mantra "It is only a phase"

Good luck.

Am I the only one who feels the same as the OP about having another, but whose baby 1 wasn't a nightmare sleeper / cryer? DC1 has been a great sleeper. A giant handful now as a toddler, (and ever since starting moving around) but totally gorgeous. And yet it's been so bloody hard and part of me doesn't know if I can do it again.

Three kids here, all the baby stages were pure hell in my opinion. I didn’t enjoy any of it and cried often. The lack of sleep was horrendous, And the endless crying (especially our first child).
They are now 4-10 and delights, I wouldn’t change a thing. Hard but so worth it

@MoonBabysM no you're not on your own with that one! I have a most of the time lovely seven month old. She so far sleeps ok, naps ok and we have a fairly nice routine. I still found it and still do find it so hard! The thought of going back to the beginning terrifies me. We could get a much harder baby DC 😬. I would love a second baby though 😬.