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Original poster

Husband not taking children’s safety seriously - help!

28 replies

Silkyslisksu · 04/10/2021 09:27

So the father of my children is very lax when it comes to my children’s safety. He has a habit of scoffing when I point out that certain foods are choking hazards for out 1yo and says I’m being dramatic or overreacting. Yesterday he let our 1yo play unaccompanied on a slide that was sitting on concrete while he lounged into the chair 5m without a care in the world, when the baby could easily have fallen and cracked her head on the pavement. He then proceeded to to the same thing again today even after I made it clear how dangerous this was.

He also just tried to put out baby to sleep in a flowing dress, and when I pointed out that this had the potential to rise over her head at night and potentially suffocate her, he guffawed in my face and exclaimed “Yeah RIGHT! Like that’s gonna happen!” Then added something sarcastic along the lines of “and aliens are gonna come down from the sky and kill us too!”

Their safety just seems to be a joke to him — what the hell do I do, I don’t trust him to keep them safe at all.

OP posts:
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girlmom21 · 04/10/2021 09:35

Do you think you might be over-anxious?
As long as he's supervising the children it's ok.

A 1 year old isn't going to suffocate is they somehow bizarrely manage to get a floaty dress over their head in their sleep.

What food are you worrying about?

The child was clearly stable on the slide.

LakeShoreD · 04/10/2021 09:48

Floaty dress I don’t follow- if it’s not safe because it’s too big and her head could go in it then she shouldn’t be wearing it. If it’s just a full skirt I think you’re being paranoid. If the slide isn’t safe on the concrete it shouldn’t be on the concrete. I don’t get why him supervising from a chair or hovering is that much of big deal, it’s not like he walked off. What foods are you concerned about?

SpicyPickle22 · 04/10/2021 09:50

You’re being very over anxious. He sounds fine.

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1 year olds Families General parenting
Ostryga · 04/10/2021 09:51

I don’t think you are being over-anxious. They are your children, if I felt someone was being lax with DD’s safety I’d go mental.

The bigger problem here is his total lack of respect for you, and the ability to have an open conversation regarding the children. Is he a prat in other ways as well?

Original poster
Silkyslisksu · 04/10/2021 09:53

Every way possible

OP posts:
Original poster
Silkyslisksu · 04/10/2021 09:54

The slide is in our garden and it’s very light you can just pick it up and place it into the grass so if the baby falls she won’t fall into concrete — should have clarified sorry

OP posts:
Sirzy · 04/10/2021 09:56

Why not just keep it on the grass then? Hmm

I think it seems your just both at extreme ends of the worry scale and need to find a balanced middle ground

Jellyfishnchips · 04/10/2021 10:05

@Ostryga

I don’t think you are being over-anxious. They are your children, if I felt someone was being lax with DD’s safety I’d go mental.

The bigger problem here is his total lack of respect for you, and the ability to have an open conversation regarding the children. Is he a prat in other ways as well?

This.

I don’t think you’re being anxious or paranoid at all, your own children’s safety is paramount. I would be so upset if my DH acted irresponsible with safety issues.

Trying to resolve this is tricky though. Does he listen to you on non-safety related parenting? Or listen and take your wishes on board generally?

Couchbettato · 04/10/2021 10:10

I would be documenting these instances OP even in a diary.

I don't think you're being overly anxious.

I'm a firm believer of as safe as necessary, but not as safe as possible, but making sure there are no choking hazards, physical hazards or asphyxiation hazards is pretty much basic safety 101.

Can you get the health visitor to explain to him why food needs to be cut small, and why we don't leave suffocation hazards in a baby's bed with them, and why children's play areas are usually in softer areas like woodchip or grass?

Even if it wouldn't get through to them, it's further documentation for it he does really put your child at serious risk of grievous bodily harm.

Suitcaseseverywhere · 04/10/2021 10:14

Just keep the slide on the grass?

What food are you worried about ?

Suitcaseseverywhere · 04/10/2021 10:15

Wtfdocumenting these issues 😂😂😂

ButterflyAway · 04/10/2021 10:21

So the slide is easily movable - move it. What food are you worried about her choking on? Her father is her parent too, he’s just as capable of assessing risk and safety as you. Just because he doesn’t agree with your version of risk doesn’t mean he’s incorrect. And if you’ve items of clothing that can suffocate your daughter you shouldn’t be putting her in them in the day time either - she can just as easily suffocate awake as she can asleep.

MilduraS · 04/10/2021 10:34

At 1 years old I don't think a floaty dress is a problem. Your DD can move herself quite easily and isn't likely to become stuck like a newborn would.

The slide on the concrete does seem a bit stupid when there's a softer alternative. Move it yourself to a safer spot but don't expect him to hover next to her for every waking minute.

mrsbitaly · 04/10/2021 11:01

I'm sorry but I don't agree with many posters here. A 1 year old on a slide on their own NO WAY. I wouldn't even let my almost 2 year old do this without me standing by ready to catch her if she was to fall. And yes a very long dress can be dangerous but it's unlikely anything would have happened.

I'm not overly cautious either I like my daughter to have independence but I'm on stand by ready for an accident.

MintJulia · 04/10/2021 11:08

The trouble is you can't trust him to look for dangers for himself - because he can't be bothered - and when you point them out, he scoffs at you.

At the very least OP, he could recognise your anxiety and act to resolve it. Instead he just sneers.
He's hardly supportive is he? Why are you with him?

Gardenlass · 04/10/2021 11:18

@MintJulia

The trouble is you can't trust him to look for dangers for himself - because he can't be bothered - and when you point them out, he scoffs at you.

At the very least OP, he could recognise your anxiety and act to resolve it. Instead he just sneers.
He's hardly supportive is he? Why are you with him?

The parents have different interpretations of child safety and someone is already suggesting LTB. Grin To be fair, I would always stand at the side of a slide, even with an older child. The floaty dress isn't likely to be a hazard. I'm presuming the child was napping during the day, in which case mum or dad would probably be in the same room. If it was bedtime, the child would be in pyjamas or a sleep suit.
Shapesandcolours · 04/10/2021 11:45

Agree with you re slide on concrete. I wouldn't sit back while a one year old went a on a slide anywhere. I bet the slide came with instructions to always use supervised anyway and not to use on hard surfaces. He had also been really rude and dismissive to you. Is he like this in other areas of your life?

Pamcake69 · 04/10/2021 11:45

Ahh yet another thread of someone asking advice on what to do about their dickhead husband great. Why are so many on here with all these idiots. If you've had children with someone who doesn't think keeping them safe is priority here's a thought.. leave 😳

ApolloandDaphne · 04/10/2021 11:50

Is this a just turned 1yo or a very able nearly 2yo? Some children are very competent climbers and some aren't. We don't know which your DD is.

As for the dress, that is a bit absurd. She won't suffocate wearing a dress to sleep in.

Somethingsnappy · 04/10/2021 14:16

It's hard to tell from just the examples you've given, OP, but I would be very worried about a partner who dismissed your safety concerns, yes. There will usually be slightly different standards of what is considered acceptable safety-wise in relationships between parents, but I think it is usual to follow the lead of the most cautious one. My husband respects my boundaries about safety even though he is more relaxed than me.

The slide - i think you are being perfectly reasonable. I would always hover around a 1 year old, especially around concrete.

The dress - it's hard to say without seeing it. 1 year olds are allowed a pillow and duvet at that age, according to guidelines, so extra 'hazards' in the cot are not considered dangerous in the same way as they would for under 1s.

The food - what foods are we talking about... Can you give examples?

But ultimately, yes, I would struggle massively to have faith in a partner whose safety standards I didn't trust.

LakeShoreD · 04/10/2021 14:32

Just talk to him calmly. I’m guessing from the dress example that you’re overly anxious and from the slide example that he’s overly lax and rather than discussing it you’ve both retreated and he thinks you’re hysterical and you think he’s an unfit parent. A respectful conversation when DD is in bed should help you find a middle ground that still keeps her safe. If he’s not willing to have that conversation then IDK really but LTB is particularly strange advice given that would likely result in more unsupervised concrete slide time. Good luck.

Timeturnerplease · 04/10/2021 20:22

Could you ask someone impartial - a mutual friend perhaps - to judge if he’s being to lax or you’re being overly anxious?

If it’s neither/both, then you need to find a middle group. I’m much more relaxed as a parent than DP, who for example follows DD1 around the playground with arms out ready to catch her, whereas I’m a primary school teacher who points out to him that in less than two years she’ll be charging around a playground with 11 year olds and footballs flying everywhere.

SecretDoor · 04/10/2021 20:24

www.rospa.com/home-safety/advice/accidents-to-children

60 children under 5years die each year from accidents in the home in the Uk , and the same age group has 450,000 visits to A&E per year on average.

A fall from a slide onto concrete could cause a significant head injury or broken bone. I do not think the op is over- reacting.

Milkbottlelegs · 04/10/2021 20:25

I was in your side until this:

He also just tried to put out baby to sleep in a flowing dress, and when I pointed out that this had the potential to rise over her head at night and potentially suffocate her

Just how do you think this will happen?!

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