Normal 4 year old behaviour?

[BakingOfTheFoodCats]

My 4 year old is quite mischievous, I’m just wondering if this sounds like normal 4 year old behaviour as I would expect it from a younger child. My house is constantly being destroyed by her if not watching her 24/7, so some examples are, she ripped off all the wallpaper off my bedroom wall, literally the lot. She draws over walls, she squashed a box of cupcakes into the rug in my living room, she got a tube of tooth paste from my bags that I hadn’t put away yet and squeezed it over everywhere. I could go on, does this sound normal for a 4 year old? I’m struggling to keep up and it’s impossible to watch her 24/7 as I have other children. I want to do up my house but it just seems pointless if someone will just trash it again. I’ve bought new wallpaper for my bedroom but won’t be putting it up yet.

Not normal for my 4 yr olds either.

Sounds like keeping a watching brief and talking to school about it straight away so they can keep an eye out too might be a good idea.

My two both met all their milestones (apart from youngest with his speech at 2 yr check - but he has a speech delay as well as being autistic). He doesn't know or care about masking and was diagnosed just before he turned 3. Eldest is an expert masker and it's only as he's got older that he's struggled more with anxiety & coping at school so he wasn't diagnosed until he was 9.

It may be worth taking a look at sensory seeking info online as there may be some good advice out there - we try to give youngest activities to indulge his (more sporty these days, trampoline and running) which I think has helped to temper some of the messy ones

Sorry OP, that's not normal 4 year old behaviour. It's not what I'd describe as mischievous either.

Not normal. Either attention seeking, under-stimulated or neuro-divergent.

@ChrissyPlummer

How was she able to rip an entire room’s worth of wallpaper without you noticing? Same with the toothpaste.

At 4 years old. OPs child should have a good understanding not to squash cake in the floor and rip wall paper off the walls. OP cannot possibly sit in the same room as the child constantly .

Is your child hyper OP generally? Honestly my DS has always been hyper and still is. But he does not destroy our home like you have described.

My 2.5 year old is still prone to things like this, but my older 2 DC had entirely grown out of this sort of thing by aged 2.

I dont think this sounds normal my niece is 3 and wouldnt anddoesnt do things like that. However they do sounds sensory seeking. My daughter has a little girl like this in her year 5 class so she is 9 and is being assessed for ASD . You can meet milestones and be on the spectrum girls particularly can present differently and also if you have met one autistic person you have met one autistic person

This isn't normal behaviour in my experiance either. With 3 other children and one with additional needs I expect she is doing this for attention. Do you only respond to her when she is naughty? Do you praise her for good behaviour? Have you tried reward charts? What are the consequences for her bad behaviour?

Hi OP.
My DD (3.10) would likely try to do some of the things you describe. I can't take my eyes of her for long. It can be embarrassing when other peoples children are better behaved and actually sit still.
Is she burning off plenty of energy in the daytime? Getting enough mental stimulation? My DD is more likely to act like this when she is bored.

It’s not normal is it ☹️ An example earlier I was in the other room and she poured the entire box of cat food all over the kitchen floor! I can’t leave her for a second without her looking for something to destroy, I don’t think it’s attention seeking as this can be done within 5 mins of not staring at her! She has lots of toys etc

I would say that sounds like toddler behaviour or the behaviour of a child that doesn’t understand boundaries or consequences.
What actual consequences are there for such destructive behaviour?

she has time out but it doesn’t change anything and she doesn’t seem to care

When you say she doesn't care is it in a blaise type of way OP? There maybe something deeper than her just being naughty if that's the case.

I would first of all want to try really, really consistent discipline and lots of extra 1:1 attention for a couple of weeks and see if that helps before assuming SEN.

My son has been known to act out when he feels overlooked and v. jealous of his brother. I've made a lot of progress with him when he feels he is listened to and understood. I found a combo of 'how to talk so kids will listen' and 123 magic very helpful when his behaviour was at its worst. He's now 5 and has grown out of it to a degree.

Also, even if she does have SEN/is neurodivergent you still need strategies to manage her behaviour. It can't hurt to start with some positive behaviour management strategies now.

Normal for my son, subsequently diagnosed with ASD/ADHD

Thank you I will try that. She’s had 1:1 she didn’t go to nursery so she had my full attention whilst my others were at school and she’s only been there one month.