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Parenting

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Original poster

Normal 4 year old behaviour?

41 replies

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 22:40

My 4 year old is quite mischievous, I’m just wondering if this sounds like normal 4 year old behaviour as I would expect it from a younger child. My house is constantly being destroyed by her if not watching her 24/7, so some examples are, she ripped off all the wallpaper off my bedroom wall, literally the lot. She draws over walls, she squashed a box of cupcakes into the rug in my living room, she got a tube of tooth paste from my bags that I hadn’t put away yet and squeezed it over everywhere. I could go on, does this sound normal for a 4 year old? I’m struggling to keep up and it’s impossible to watch her 24/7 as I have other children. I want to do up my house but it just seems pointless if someone will just trash it again. I’ve bought new wallpaper for my bedroom but won’t be putting it up yet.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RubyJack · 03/10/2021 22:42

It isn't normal behaviour in my experience.
My own children and now 4 year old grandchild never behaved like this.
But that's only my personal experience.

Original poster

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 22:44

If I left a box of cereal on the side she would get it and pour it all over the floor, yes I could put it away but I have other kids who may get it out to make breakfast and forget to put it back. She just doesn’t stop.

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RLOU30 · 03/10/2021 22:45

Not normal for me either. My just turned 3 year old would know not to do those things. Has this always happened ? Sounds exhausting

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Heruka · 03/10/2021 22:46

I think it sounds like what many 4yr olds would do if there were no consequences to their actions, but generally mine would know that some treat would be removed, they would have to help clean things up etc. How do you respond?

Nanananani · 03/10/2021 22:46

In all honesty, no. But we really need more context. Is she bored? Looking for attention? How is the behaviour dealt with? Is she at nursery or school? Is this new?

Original poster

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 22:48

Yes always been this way honestly I could go on and on, she’s thrown a cup of water over me, I took her out shopping and because I wouldn’t buy her a toy she screamed her head off and ripped up all my bags with my shopping in that I was carrying, she just kept pulling at them and scratching them till they ripped. She doesn’t respond to any discipline.

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Original poster

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 22:50

She is told off if she does it but it doesn’t seem to change. She’s only Started school mid sept and the teachers haven’t mentioned anything

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Xmasbaby11 · 03/10/2021 22:51

No that seems really naughty if it's common. Sometimes these things are curiosity- what will happen if I ..?

Does she have plenty of toys ,/ stimulation? She may enjoy something sensory - playdoh etc. Rolls of paper to scribble on. Stickers to peel off and make a collage.

SnowyPetals · 03/10/2021 23:03

No, this is not normal at all. What are the consequences of her destructive behaviour? You need to determine whether she is just ill-disciplined or whether something more permanent is going on. Would you say her behaviour has a trigger (eg being left alone and craving attention, or feeling unable to express frustration)?

halesie · 03/10/2021 23:08

Hi OP, do you have any reason to think she might have some sort of SEN?
Some of the things you mention remind me of things my DS has done which on the face of it seems naughty but could be more about sensory seeking / not understanding social "norms". DS is a real sensory seeker and peeling is something he still finds it hard to resist (I still have to hide my post-it notes ). He's also done a fair bit of tipping things out / pouring liquids in ways other kids wouldn't and also had a phase of drawing on the walls. He's grown out of most of them now as he understands much better what's ok and what's not.
The huge meltdown in the shop could be explained by neorodivergence too, combination of sensory overwhelm in a brightly lit, noisy place and being refused something they had set their heart on.

Hungry675tf · 03/10/2021 23:09

No not normal. I have one that is very mischievous and I have to keep a very close eye on them, but what you describe sounds like something else.

How do you respond when you find she has ripped all the wallpaper off?

If mine is silent for more than 30s then I check to see what they're upto. Left any longer then they would help themselves to food in the kitchen, but they would look sheepish when found and know that there will be consequences (time out usually).

Original poster

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 23:16

I have an older child with autism though I don't believe Dd is autistic so I'm not sure, I've tried time outs, taking her favourite toy, she doesn't really seemed bothered by either. She's not left alone for long but I have 4 children in total so I find it impossible to watch her at all times, the wallpaper incident was when I was bathing my other child.

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ChrissyPlummer · 03/10/2021 23:17

How was she able to rip an entire room’s worth of wallpaper without you noticing? Same with the toothpaste.

Original poster

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 23:20

It was one wall like I said I have 3 other children including an autistic one that needs help with bathing so at the time I was bathing her she was in my bedroom playing with her dolls so I though

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ChrissyPlummer · 03/10/2021 23:23

Sorry, I cross posted while you were answering the pp who asked the same question!

Aquamarine1029 · 03/10/2021 23:23

This is not normal behaviour.

Original poster

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 23:26

As for the tooth paste I was putting away my tesco s shoppingwe just tip the crates on to the floor as I was taking the shopping into the kitchen she seen the tooth paste took it into the other room and squeezed it on to everything

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mistermagpie · 03/10/2021 23:29

I have a four year old (and a six year old so have been through this before) and no, it doesn't seem normal to me. My four year old is pretty reliably well behaved and although the has his moments, it's nothing like the stuff you are describing. His older brother was pretty much the same.

I do also have a nearly two year old, and her behaviour is much closer to what you are talking about - sort of a complete lack of impulse control really. Obviously you don't leave a 23 month old unsupervised in the way that you might a four year old, so she doesn't get the opportunity to act out as much, but she would probably do the things you describe if I left her to it for any length of time.

It isn't usual behaviour for a child of 4 and I would be going to the HV or GP for advice.

Dontstress · 03/10/2021 23:34

Lots of posters here seem to smugly be assuming poor parenting. I’m going to assume an alternative, given that you have one diagnosed child already. These things are often genetic. I would be considering potential neurodiversity if I were you, as this doesn’t sound neurotypical.

SmallProvincial · 03/10/2021 23:40

This is not my experience of a 4yo. Mine will make a mess of her own toys (her room will be tidy at 10am but a state at 10:15 with her toy boxes upended), she'll occasionally do silly things if I'm not looking (stand on the back of the sofa, purposely get felt tip on a table, put my). But never anything particularly or purposefully destructive.

Could she be 'sensation seeking', which isn't necessarily a sign of neurodiversity? Some kids just do it (DD went through a prolonged biting phase as a toddler, which nursery our down to sensation seeking).

SmallProvincial · 03/10/2021 23:41

What does she say when you ask her why she did something? Does that give any clues?

Maybe she's attention seeking, some kids have a higher than average need for attention, and if she's acting up when your attention is diverted, it could be that.

halesie · 03/10/2021 23:42

Why don't you believe she's autistic OP?

My DSs both are (and apparently it's pretty often the case that more than one sibling will be) but they present very differently and have a lot of different needs to each other - and autistic girls often do present differently, diagnosis rates are only now starting to catch up a bit.

ADHD and sensory processing disorder are also closely linked so they may be worth looking into too.

Either way, it sounds worth investigating. My main concern for my sensory seeker was that he'd end up being labelled a naughty kid at school so it was important to me to get a formal diagnosis.

HSHorror · 03/10/2021 23:50

I dont know, it sounds like she is ok at school.
My eldest is mischievous.

We've had keys to garage out in a trike bucket outside or in a shoe under dining table.
She once ate loads of a tube of toothpaste.
Will still splash water everywhere in a bath occasionally
Ate the funnel on a train in the 'thats not my train book' (dc was just sat there and had turned her back to me
Flooded preschool bathroom by putting toilet paper as a sink plug

Other dc
Once licked a bleach spray bottle
Drew on our wall a few times - luckily easily removed

One of them grabbed a bleach bottle out of someones recycling as we walked past

I guess intent matters a lot.

Frlrlrubert · 03/10/2021 23:56

DD was as you describe up to about 2 and a half, 'cleaned' the bath and sink and her teddies with toothpaste, drew on walls given half a chance, would tip drinks to see what happened, etc. She's 5 now and still not the most careful child, but I'd say the random destruction stopped before 3.

Original poster

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 23:56

I guess I didn't think autism as she has met all her mile stones otherwise, my other daughter with autism isn't a typical autistic girl as in she doesn't mask, she wouldn't know how to she's very much the same wherever she goes and we knew from early on from 2 years old, my 4 year old is the opposite of her really like I said met all her mile stones. the school haven't mentioned anything yet either but it is early days.

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