AIBU? My husband and his spare time.

[Frustratedmother]

Hello! Please let me know if this should be moved etc. First post from a lurker of 8 years.

I’m married, stay at home/carer to my son who is 8 and autistic. My husband (not my boys father but has been in his life since he was 2) has 3 children from his past relationship. They live 180miles away. Every day he plays Fortnite (🙄) with them when he gets home from work. From 5.30 - 7. Some nights I’ll moan that I need him to do something, so he won’t play. And then the next day he’ll go on for the entire evening ‘to make it up to them’

I know I probably sound harsh but honestly having a grown man sitting in the bedroom playing computer games with his children for sometimes 5 hours per evening, is getting really annoying.

I’m aware he needs contact with his children. And some nights he doesn’t play… but AIBU to be annoyed about it?

For instance today he finished work at 3. Went on the computer at 4.:. And he’s still on there now with no sign of coming off. I’ve been entertaining my son all day and cooking/cleaning/washing as well as taking son out with dog etc.

I don’t know if I’m just moaning for the sake of it and it’s making me sad. Some people have told me I should appreciate the fact that he’s in and not at the pub. But honestly he may as well be.

@HerRoyalRisesAgain

So he spends and hour and a half each night gaming with his children? Nothing wrong with that. I

She literally said that yesterday he went on at 4pm and at 6.50pm he was still on.

Playing online group games was the very thing I insisted my husband did with his children.
It's important and it's so much more than a computer game. It's nurturing trust and relationships through team building. They all work together. It's an excellent way of reaching children who otherwise will be gaming anyway but with others.

Could you suggest maybe three evenings a week? Limit the days, but look on the gaming as contact time.

She literally said that yesterday he went on at 4pm and at 6.50pm he was still on

She also said he didn't spend every night on the games before drip feeding about what a shit dad he is.

You can bet your life that if his children were interested in something else like a craft or scrabble or something like that he would not be spending hours every night doing it.

He just wants to play Fortnite.

He does sound like a dud. Having no interest in his children until they started gaming should ring alarm bells if nothing else.

Can I just add a thought here - are you SURE he's actually gaming all that time with his kids? And he's not just pretending that he is so you leave him alone and he is actually just playing with friends?

No effort made to build a relationship with the child who isn't into gaming. The children are not his motivation at all.

You shouldn’t have moved this bloke into your kids home. Does he not repulse you? Deadbeat male who threw his kids away and communicates with them solely by shouting at them on video games? What are you doing with your life, ffs.

He comes off the game, DS will already be asleep, I will have already cooked and cleaned. He just eats his dinner and then we sit watching tv. Which I’m not going to complain about… I do like his company.

How incredibly convenient for him. He's an arse.

So he spends the gaming time shouting at his kids??? Poor kids. He is just using his kids as an excuse to game, I don’t believe he gives a shit about them. (Am I the only one wondering when his kids eat dinner if they game from 5:30 to 7??)
In any case he doesn’t do anything around the house so even if he were an amazing dad you should still get rid as an entitled waste of space.