is it ever possible to "judge" (ie condemn) someone's parenting on a single criteria?

[hatwoman]

This parenting lark is a complex business. so is the definition of a "good" parent. The idea of being able to say that it is never possible to be a Good Parent (ergo you are a Bad Parent) because of one aspect of your parenting/behaviour is, imo laughable.

is it possible to be a good parent and take drugs?
is it possible to be a good parent and break the law?
is it possible to be a good parent and get shit-faced once a week?
is it possible to be a good parent and eat meat? have plastic toys? shop at Asda? abuse apostrophes?

imho to say an unqualified "no" to any of these is ridiculous. it's shallow and somewhat lacking in the solidarity that parents could do with. It can also come across as a tad arrogant.

glad I got that off my chest.

lol at taking drugs and shopping at asda being mentioned on same list of sins

only on mn...

LOL hatwoman, yeah, asda shoppers are just evil and as for those that dare to feed their kids unorganic shop bought sausage rolls! Evil, lazy, planet destroying fecks!

But in truth, yeah there are probably a couple of 'mortal sins' abuse etc...

I agree.

but it is not possible to be a good parent and get shit faced at Asda. that's taking the biscuit.

i thikn if that sole criteria was

abuse / neglect

then yes

otherwise, you need to look at the bigger picutre

but it is easier to be judgey judgey

It's not possible to be a good parent if you kill and eat your children. IMO anyway. That any help?

what camilla said

abuse and neglect are not usually a single thing in themselves though are they? well, neglect isn;t.

but if you ate them with an organic quinoa porridge it would be better, no?

no but it is a blanket term that covers things a lot more serious than shopping in asda or drinking a bottle of wine a week.

It's a question of balance, you must teach your kids good values in spite of your bad behaviour.

Like sharing your coke!

One line for you....one line for me...

I don't think you can condemn on one thing either.

And the vegetarian/wooden toy comments were not meant to make anyone else feel like shite - it was just to illustrate that I do all these things that people appear to approve of, and that seem to be bastions of Goodness or whatever, and yet take drugs as well. Because to be a Good Mother is not dependent on any one thing.

Anyone who still does not know if they are a Good or Bad Mother should look here for the definitive and point-proving answer.

what happened to that 'good enough' concept of parenting? I liked that one

I go with that concept. I am the mother that DD has got - we are doing ok, we love each other, she is growing physically and emotionally, what more could anyone want?

There are times when I just have to quote Roseanne Barr: 'if the kids are alive at the end of the day I've done my job.'

I think a lot of this Good Parent stuff is symptomatic of the same shit I'm always prodding other people about - FFS it's Ok not to be exactly the same as everyone else! It's much better not to be the same as everyone else. Difference is human, not something that needs therapy or imprisonment.

Oohhh madamez - are you a Bad Mother too?

I love that quiz - it exposes the total bolleaux about how one thing is better than another.

It's possible to be a good parent and do most anything that doesn't hurt your child, however, it is also possible to say that because so-and-so round the corner does xxxxx that they at that moment in time are not being a responsible parent.

That's my opinion anyway.

I'm sure there are things I do that makes me 'not a Good Parent' to some people, for example my daughter has her ears pierced...

Well precisely.

Here we are debating what makes one a Good Mother, whilst our (well, my) kid is running around in her knickers eating cake.

Sorry to mention this, but single criterion, plural criteria.
< pedant alert>

I had enough of mine being little bleeders today and put them to bed at 6:30.
[bad mother face]

mine are going to stay up puking on ketamine with me, in, um, a SQUAT so there

Yes DD would normally go to bed at half six but we have to go and meet someone off a train in an hour, so no point.

[worse mother face]

i am liking the roseanne barr thing!

for example, i gave my DD a box of stuff to play with in teh kitchen.. a tea strainer, lemon squeezer, wooden spoons , various bits and bobsm to keep her occupied whilst i ignored cooked and mumsnsetted tidied.

and then i discover that that is not being mean, oh no siree bob, that is heuristic play and a Very Good Thing.

so you can make it all sound a hell of a lot better than it is !

just got to get through the day , haven;t you

Ketamine? Are you a horse, vacua?