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Parenting

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Original poster

Can't juggle motherhood and everything else!

28 replies

happyviolet · 28/09/2021 16:12

I've recently had my first baby (2 months now) who is the absolute light of my life, and I love nothing more than being her mum. However, I'm finding it really hard to establish any sort of routine for myself outside of looking after her. The house is a mess, and my husband continuously complains about it (he's back to working full-time) - I can't seem to find the energy to stay on top of meal planning and cooking, and I feel like breastfeeding (exclusively) is taking up so much of my time.

I am starting to get out of the house a bit more to mum and baby classes, seeing my family, going out on walks etc. but how do you all do it? I see some people who are juggling everything and make it look so easy!

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minipie · 28/09/2021 16:16

You have a two month old! You’re not expected to be able to manage much else. Honestly if you feed yourself and the baby and do a load of laundry that’s plenty, and if you’ve got out of the house that is fab.

Your husband is the problem here. Looking after a tiny baby is a full time job and he needs to lower his expectations and do more himself.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 28/09/2021 16:18

Your husband needs to shut his mouth, and sort the house out himself.

What an idiot!

you - enjoy your baby and tell him the baby is your priority, and he needs to do the housework

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/09/2021 16:18

Lower your expectations
Find a book/webpage/app with meal plans and shopping lists. I like nosh for busy mums and dads.
Lower your expectations.
Have a look at the organised mum method.
Lower your expectations.

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Orangejuicemarathoner · 28/09/2021 16:18

reading posts like this makes me so glad I was single mother. Who wants some idiot coming home from an easy day at work complaining about the house.

Just enjoy your baby and ignore him

Hopefullysweatmightbewee · 28/09/2021 16:19

You’ve just had a baby. It’s very normal to feel the way you do.

I’d give your husband a weekend with the baby (just join them for feeds if bf) and see if he gets much housework done!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/09/2021 16:20

Oh god missed the bit about dh. Make him look at the organised mum method if he has a problem with the house.

Fallagain · 28/09/2021 16:21

@Orangejuicemarathoner

Your husband needs to shut his mouth, and sort the house out himself.

What an idiot!

you - enjoy your baby and tell him the baby is your priority, and he needs to do the housework

THIS!

Point him in the direction of the cleaning cupboard.

qualitygirl · 28/09/2021 16:22

Your husband needs to shut his mouth, and sort the house out himself.

This!!

What does he do in the house OP? Or does he think that working full time absolves him of any duties at home! What an asshole!

JSL52 · 28/09/2021 16:23

Leave baby with husband for as long as possible over a few evenings. Ask him why he's done nothing when you get back.

vickyc90 · 28/09/2021 16:24

Honestly if you want to get the house done you can, we had just about every baby toy going so I could put him down for 10 minutes! Maybe suggest he takes the baby one night a week and do the the house top to bottum.

SylvanasWindrunner · 28/09/2021 16:26

At two months, my DH was still doing the bulk of the housework! Why isn't he helping clean the house? Presumably he had to do chores before baby arrived, so why should he get to stop now?

Lower your expectations, find a method to tackle house that you can both do and that takes as little time as possible. Organised Mum Method is great - I split that with DH and it keeps on top of stuff really well. But essentially, a bit of mess is pat for the course with a new baby. Keep the kitchen surfaces clean, clean the loo (and not just you, both of you), and try to stay on top of laundry. Anything else is a bonus.

SylvanasWindrunner · 28/09/2021 16:28

Also are you having to do all the cooking? Sod that. Chuck some stuff in the slow cooker on good mornings, on bad days just sort it between you when he comes home.

FirstTimeMommy2021 · 28/09/2021 16:31

@happyviolet it will get easier. You can't leave them much at 2 months but I have a 6 month old who I can now leave in his jumperoo/bouncer/chair watching Cocomelon (for half an hourish here and there or leave on a play mat for a bit to get things done round the house. Once a week I pop him to my DM house for a good couple hours so I can blitz the house too to bottom and maybe every fortnight I ask her to come sit up here a bit with him so I can get all the ironing done.
It is hard in first few months but you start to establish a routine. My days are still like ground hog day 😂 but it's life now and once you've adapted and got that routine going you'll find it easier. Your DH needs to help out a bit esp on weekends when he's off though xx

CraftyGin · 28/09/2021 16:35

It's only been two months.

I remember at this stage with my first, my Health Visitor told me that this was the low point.

All initial help has disappeared. Expectations are raised. You are lagging a week or so behind.

It should get better from here.

I would recommend focusing on one thing to do well. For me, it was getting dinner ready every day. 30 years on, I still haven't cracked tidiness.

PearLime · 28/09/2021 16:35

Simplify everything -

get super super easy meals (jacket potato, cheese and salad, pasta and sauce, microwave rice and pre-cooked chicken)

don't worry about doing too much other than looking after your baby.

tell DH he has 3 options 1. Deal with a messy house 2. Clean himself 3. Pay for a cleaner.

TheVolturi · 28/09/2021 16:39

The people that make it look easy usually have lots of family that help. Or, you only see a tiny portion of their day. You won't see them stressing when the baby won't stop crying, or feeling crap when they've had zero sleep.
Adjusting to being in sole charge of a tiny human is massive! Gone yourself a break, honestly, it will come.
I've not had any help or time to myself for 8 years, my three dc are finally now (as of September) all in school, and the third went full time yesterday. Oh. My. Goodness. The difference it made to me to have a breather! It was amazing. And at hometime I was ready to be a mum again.
For me it's taken a long time, but that's because we have no family to help, dh works very long hours and we have three close in age.
It won't be like that for you.
And congratulations on your baby!

MintJulia · 28/09/2021 16:44

Point your selfish twit of a husband at the hoover and the loo brush. When he's finished with those, he can watch baby while you have a shower, and then when you're clean and wearing fresh PJs, he can go and get a takeaway.

Men!

MrsCremuel · 28/09/2021 16:46

Your husband needs to adjust his expectations big time! At this stage you are definitely entitled to devote your time to just the baby and yourself to recoup. The house etc is a joint effort! Babies of that age take up the whole 24 hours what with night waking and exclusive breastfeeding is big time, emotion and energy commitment!

I’d be very cross with him if I were you tbh. My DH helped tidy up and make dinner when he got home as his feeling was I was looking after DS in the day, not a housewife.

firstimemamma · 28/09/2021 16:47

Housework seriously took a back seat until ds was over 6 months old. 2 months is absolutely tiny and it's incredibly hard. Prioritise washing up & laundry and your husband needs to keep on top of the basics like cleaning the toilet and bathroom sink and slinging the hoover around - dusting etc can wait.

Your main job now is survival and feeding the baby. It does get easier.

CraftyGin · 28/09/2021 16:54

I wish people weren't so hard on the DHs. They just don't understand exactly what mum is going through.

They've gone back to work, so everything is back to normal for them. They may also be struggling with broken sleep.

I don't think they are being mean for the sake of it.

A sharp word might be all it needs for a reality check. But, seriously, eight weeks is the low point.

doadeer · 28/09/2021 16:56

Omg really he is unreasonable.

Enjoy not having to do a lot. Breastfeed watch fun films, don't put pressure on. Make easy meals even if you're spending more.

Loads of time to develop a routine and go to classes don't worry.

Though I would recommend baby cinema if you have that near you.

QuiltedHippo · 28/09/2021 17:03

@CraftyGin

It's only been two months.

I remember at this stage with my first, my Health Visitor told me that this was the low point.

All initial help has disappeared. Expectations are raised. You are lagging a week or so behind.

It should get better from here.

I would recommend focusing on one thing to do well. For me, it was getting dinner ready every day. 30 years on, I still haven't cracked tidiness.

100% this, you suddenly feel like you should be back to normal but no one tells your body or your baby.

I'm a couple of months ahead of you OP and it's still a challenge but they start being able to kick about under a play gym for a while. You'll find their most content moments and seize them, I tend to prep dinner straight after my breakfast for that reason.

I still had a little weep earlier as baby is in a grump and won't let me do anything today, and as it's day at home I feel the mess piling up.
Much better to get out and about and forget it exists, I'm never going to regret not mopping when I could be sat in a cafe enjoying this time.
My husband can often be found after work doing a general tidy of everything I've strewn about and that's as much his job as mine, you need to get yours on board

minipie · 28/09/2021 17:14

@CraftyGin

I wish people weren't so hard on the DHs. They just don't understand exactly what mum is going through.

They've gone back to work, so everything is back to normal for them. They may also be struggling with broken sleep.

I don't think they are being mean for the sake of it.

A sharp word might be all it needs for a reality check. But, seriously, eight weeks is the low point.

Honestly if a DH hasn’t a clue what the mum is going through then he hasn’t been paying attention during paternity leave, nights or weekends.

I agree a sharp word might be all that’s needed (hopefully, assuming the DH is just thoughtless and not a complete twat) but when new mums are emotional and sleep deprived the last thing they need is to have to have a sharp word with their thoughtless husband.

That’s why the DHs get a rough ride! They are supposed to try to understand what their wife is going through.

Miriam101 · 28/09/2021 17:24

Lower your expectations of yourself, and raise your expectations of your partner. I get that he's at work, but looking after an 8wo is also work. Bloody hard work! Anytime you're both at home, the household tasks should be at least 50% up to him (much more if you're still spending long hours breastfeeding.) My DP did ALL the cooking for a really really long time. Honestly, don't put up with this: you've got to nip it in the bud now before you embark on a lifetime of parenting and housework where the burden is placed squarely on your shoulders & it's been that way for so long it's impossible to change his outlook.

CraftyGin · 28/09/2021 17:37

One of the reasons why I made preparing supper as my housewifery priority was that it got me out of the house every day.

I would put DS in his pram and wheel to Sainsbury's to pick up ingredients (probably with sick on my shoulder).

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