If you had kids in 80s/90s and have GC now...

[HallieP]

are you as outraged by these things as both my parents and my in-laws seem to be? 🤣

1. The fact my baby doesn’t wear shoes (9.5m old)
2. That my baby only drinks milk and water and doesn’t get juice
3. That isn’t allowed a “wee packet of buttons or quavers” as a treat
4. That my 9.5m old only has 4 teeth

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lighthearted post obviously - not intended as a bashing thread!

I literally get these things mentioned to me multiple times a week by both sides of the family. Is it really that unusual?! 🙈 Apparently he’s a “poor wee soul” for not wearing shoes, I’m “a bit rotten” for not allowing him to have diluting juice, choc buttons or quavers, and obviously the reason he doesn’t have more teeth yet is because I don’t give him Rusks - which he NEEDS to cut his teeth through 🤣 Were these all ‘must-do’ things of the 80s/90s?! 🤣

I hate seeing small babies in shoes, its just so pointless! However i do think that parents these days are far to strict with dc diets! Yes encouraging healthy eating is a good thing but the odd chocolate button won't kill them will it.

Well I was born in the 80s and neither set of grandparents would have an issue with either of those - for a baby! My goodness. My mum thinks I'm a bit mean for not giving my 3 year old juice occasionally, but I certainly didn't have it every day as it was a treat. No junk food. No particular concern about shoes - one set paid for her first pair around one I think. I think its either location-specific or your in-laws are a bit unusual!

I’m DGM to two now and I have nothing to say about how my DS and DDiL raise their DC. They seem to be making a very good job of it, bit too much tv would be the only thing I would quibble over. Their house is untidy but they spend a lot of time talking to and playing / interacting with the DC, which is obviously more important than housekeeping.
When I’m looking after them I ask for and follow instructions about food, naps and so on. It wouldn’t occur to me to impose my own choices. Sometimes I do things with them that haven’t occurred to DS and DDiL and usually they’re pleased about that.

I'm 51 and had my first two children in the '90's.
I have three grandchildren now (nine and five-year-old twins) and I definitely am not like the grandparents you describe.

My sons didn't wear shoes for ages, I didn't give them diluted juice until they were over a year old (only because the child minder gave it to them without me knowing) and I was particular about their diets (I made homemade baby food).

Now as a grandmother, I'm still the same.
Im more likely to get annoyed with my son for giving them McDonald's more than they do.
They lived with me for a year and they didn't have soft drinks, only water, all day and I cooked for them every day. I only allowed them a sweet treat, if they were lucky, in an ice pop in the summer. I completely disgusted my granddaughter when she realized the cake I made for them had vegetables as it was zucchini bread and carrot cake. The other two didn't care.

So, that may be just your parents and in-laws, OP.

Yes. Just back from 2 weeks visit to grandparents.
Ds (1 year old), has about 6 giant bags of white chocolate buttons in suitcase from people.
Mil also tried every morning to give him a ‘wee cup of tea’ as it must be so boring having just water and milk.
Mil also calls his day ‘outfits’ ie bog standard baby vest, leggings and cardigan, ‘Pajamas’. Poor child lives in ‘Pajamas’ apparently.

I'm granny to dgs 2 and had my children in the 80's, 90's and 00s. I never comment on how dd raises dgs other than to say what a good job she's doing but my dc didn't wear shoes until they could walk (18 month) none of them drank anything other than milk or water (dd 18 still only drinks milk or water ) Mine had few treats and I never buy dgs sweets or chocolate as I figure it's up to dd but I do buy him sticker books every week because he loves them. Don't remrmber about teeth but from photos mine at 9 months had two or four teeth each. I take from your post that I'm doing right by keeping my mouth shut anyway which is probably why there is no stress between dd and I over my role as granny.

I had my children in the mid 90s. I don't have grandchildren yet. I'll comment on your points:

1. The fact my baby doesn’t wear shoes (9.5m old) - none of mine had shoes until they could walk confidently

1. That my baby only drinks milk and water and doesn’t get juice - mine only had milk or water at that age

1. That isn’t allowed a “wee packet of buttons or quavers” as a treat - no, never allowed treats like that, certainly not at 9 months

1. That my 9.5m old only has 4 teeth - well, there's not much your child (or you) can do about that!

From reading on MN, there only seem to be a couple of things that are very different about parenting these days. One is that weaning is done later as health advice has changed, fair enough.

The other is that potty training is much later. Back then it was normal to train between two and two and a half. If I had grandchildren I'd keep my lip firmly buttoned though!

The thing is, I was a child in the 90s and my mum only ever let me have milk or water. It’s one parenting thing that I totally agreed with her on and tried to emulate and all of a sudden she acts like it’s unreasonable and constantly tries to give my DD fizzy pop!

I honestly think some people just like to be contrary.

I was born in the 90’s and my mum frequently asks me why I don’t give my 11 month old juice lol, she is also convinced I was using cutlery at her age

My DC were born in the late 80's. Only got shoes once they were walking. No juice ever.
Quavers, never. Maybe a chocolate button occasionally but can't really remember.
My grandson is 11 months and has 4 teeth...is he meant to have more? And his parents seem to follow pretty much the same lifestyle I gave my DC.
I follow their guide on what they want for their son and I think they're doing a wonderful job.
Some things have changed in bringing up children but probably for the better.

No. I wouldn’t have dreamed of giving a child that age any of those things. Bare feet in the house in summer maybe but not outside ( beyond the garden).

My father in law was horrified that my kids went out to play in the snow and didn’t always wear slippers indoors.

We were born in the late 80s and have a 2 year old. Our parents aren't as extreme as "give them some Quavers" but have questioned some of our "rules" simply because science has moved on and they didn't do it like that, particularly around baby led weaning, safe sleep and car seat safety. However they'd NEVER not follow our directions when it comes to our son rear facing etc, they just ask questions like "where does he put his feet" to become better informed because it's something they'd never really considered before seeing us do it, as he's the first grandchild on both sides. I'm sure that there were lots of things that were "new" to their parents when they became grandparents to us.

I do recall my younger brother (born early 90s) pretty much living off rusks as a baby though and I used to eat loads too as a 5/6 year old. The amount of sugar that was in them was horrific (to me now!) but my mum has never proposed that we give my son them.... But then he had quite literally all of his teeth by 18 months (he had 12 at his 1 year review which the HV said was the most she'd seen in a decade) so CLEARLY there's no correlation

If you are privileged enough to be old , then it is your duty to encourage the young. That includes young parents. Most parents are trying really hard to do their best for their children. The only time to give advice is when you are asked.
I have several grandchildren and I think it’s ridiculous that an articulate , 2.5 year old who’s perfectly capable of saying when she needs to use the potty, is still in nappies. Would I mention it? Nope.
That a child has to have a snack when in bed, after tooth brushing has been done, or ‘they can’t fall asleep’, what rubbish!
My MIL , when visiting, used to spend ages bleaching the toddler and baby’s clothes within an inch of their lives because they looked ‘nicer’. I thought she was barking.
I don’t go against the parent’s wishes but I also have my own rules in my own house like clean hands before sitting down to eat. They all think that’s very weird, but they do it.

I'm sure both of my DC had more teeth at 9 months?

Ds is 17 months. He has had just 4 teeth for ages. Four more only appeared last week

@PerseverancePays

If you are privileged enough to be old , then it is your duty to encourage the young. That includes young parents. Most parents are trying really hard to do their best for their children. The only time to give advice is when you are asked. I have several grandchildren and I think it’s ridiculous that an articulate , 2.5 year old who’s perfectly capable of saying when she needs to use the potty, is still in nappies. Would I mention it? Nope. That a child has to have a snack when in bed, after tooth brushing has been done, or ‘they can’t fall asleep’, what rubbish! My MIL , when visiting, used to spend ages bleaching the toddler and baby’s clothes within an inch of their lives because they looked ‘nicer’. I thought she was barking. I don’t go against the parent’s wishes but I also have my own rules in my own house like clean hands before sitting down to eat. They all think that’s very weird, but they do it.

Yes, express an opinion at your peril! I don’t have GC yet but my sister had kids much later than me and Indoagreed with nearly everything she was doing. It would have been more than my life was worth to say so though! If someone wants to sit with a child for seven years till they fall asleep because they can’t get themselves to sleep, it’s a rod for their own back.

I had my children 80/90s .... I'm 56 now with a grandchild at school and 2 at pre school .... I didnt't do any of those things when mine were small....fast forward to now... my youngest grandchilds mum put her in 'shoes' at 8 months .... and all 3 of them had been given quavers as babies by their parents

I’m a late 70s baby and DM is staying at the moment so I asked her.
No juice or snacks for us as babies, although rusks were everywhere but she realised how sugary they were by the time my dc were born.
Shoes when they were needed to walk, otherwise socks or babygrows.
Teeth come when they’re ready!
She thinks your family might just like to pass comment, and would suggest not doing so unless they want to be ignored and left out of family life in future.
My DM is pretty smart.

@wanttomarryamillionaire

I hate seeing small babies in shoes, its just so pointless! However i do think that parents these days are far to strict with dc diets! Yes encouraging healthy eating is a good thing but the odd chocolate button won't kill them will it.

@wanttomarryamillionaire Completely agree that it won’t do them any harm 😊 however, I’m very much of the opinion that there will be many many years where he asks for sugary treats all if I can avoid giving him them while he has no idea what they are then why not 🤷🏻‍♀️

My family- Yes to the juice and rusks, herbal tea and early weaning. Also raised eyebrows at breastfeeding past 6 months. Everyone I know who breastfed back then was 6 months maximum.

No to the other though.

Me and my siblings were born in the 80's.

My parents are as you describe and mine and my sisters kids are 17 and 10 now!

But we also accept it's the unspoken (yet very spoken about and laughed about in our family) that my parents get to do all the things with the boys they had to strict parent us about when we grew up.

Guess it depends on relationships etc. My parents raised 3 kids so I trust them with my ds not to do anything awful - just to do stuff I wouldn't have been allowed to and I wouldn't let ds do. (More the eat too many sweets and biscuits variety!)

The stuff you mentioned wasn't ever an issue when they were young.

Sorry aren't as you describe

I had children in the 90s and I’m not a fan of babies in shoes until they are actually walking . As for the juice and snacks that’s down to personal opinion not remotely generational .