What would you have done in this situation? 5 year old behaviour

[User9911]

Took 5 year old to trampoline park, just me and her. Had a lovely time - spent quality 1-1 time with her. Got her a chocolate and a slush puppy. As we were getting ready to leave she asked if she could play a game to try to win a teddy. I explained that chances are she wouldn’t win - she understood and said that was ok.

Of course she didn’t win and I said she could have one more pound. She could either try again or buy a small £1 toy. She asked to buy the small toy.

As soon as the toy dropped out, she picked it up, didn’t open it and said she didn’t want it. She asked for another pound. I said no, it was time to go now.

She sat down in the trampoline place and said I’m not going. She went into my bag and tried to get my purse to take another pound. I got the bag, remained calm and said I was leaving. She refused to move and so I walked towards the door. She eventually followed, screaming the place down.

we got into the car park and again she refused to walk to the car. It was busy with cars so I tried to encourage her to walk. She walked a bit then sat down in the middle of the car park.

By now I was very angry. I told her if she did not get up she would be in big trouble. She eventually got up and came to the car. I opened the door and she refused to get in. I lifted her in and she was trying violently to get out the car. Refused to let me get her seat belt on. Said she would take the seat belt off.

I was so incredibly angry by now I strapped her in and said she was very ungrateful. I sat in my seat to drive off and she started attacking me from behind. All because I didn’t buy her another toy.

I threw her toy away and told her it was gone as she was ungrateful.

I’m now feeling like I over reacted but would like some reassurance.

Her behaviour is getting completely out of control and i feel like I am too.

What would you have done?

Thanks I just feel at breaking point it’s so difficult. I am working full time trying to juggle working my two kids and everything else then her behaviour on top of it. I know it’s probably normal but my son was never ever like that. He had his moments but she is a constant stress and seems to be getting worse and worse.

DD is my older one, I have a younger boy. From watching them and BIL's children (who we are very close to), it appears to be more prominent with girls. Their moods and attitudes are so much harder to control. I have struggled with this for as long as I can remember with her, the meltdowns are just for different reasons as time goes on. I find it so tough to keep my cool when she screams as loud as she can about very little.

DS has his challenges too and most certainly tantrums but not in the same way and tends to respond much better to distraction/diversion - she certainly did not when she was his age.

From everything I have read, consistency is key but its much easier said than done when we are working, exhausted and they are triggering us.

The incident you describe sounds painfully familiar. Our eldest is now 7.5 years and the behaviour has gotten better. She has matured.

I have found that situations where there is a lot of excitement and "treats" have ended in tears at that age. At the point when we had to leave or I said no, we would have a massive meltdown regardless of how much I gave before that. So to prevent meltdowns, before we did anything we would agree on a "scenario" and religiously stick to it. So in your case the trampoline park and a choice of sweet. Then just £1 for game or toy. No extra £1. Every time I gave in with an extra it backfired and we would end with a meltdown.

Same with mornings we have a set routine agreed and house rules regarding never disturbing people working from home. Transgressions are punished but we always give several warnings so it's clear. The rigidity is something that I find hard but it has reduced the conflict a lot. Have a good think about what situations lead to conflict and try and prevent them. Also being calm does help, but is something I often fail at.

If we have a particularly bad blowout we wait till everyone is calm and talk about it afterwards. At 5 she might be a bit young for this, but I found when my DD was angry nothing I said got through to her. But later on when calm we could reason with her.

It is tough and I am not a routine loving person, but my DD seems to need it. Good luck!

If you fill kids with sugar they will behave like twats.

I wouldn’t threaten to leave them, they either believe you will go, which is awful, or don’t believe you, in which case it’s pointless.

I’m sure most people have been in a similar situation though. It’s hard when you are out.

I really liked 123 magic. You need to read the book and do it properly though. You get to the point where you’re just saying 1… 2… but nothing else. No arguing.

You did fine. Only thing I may have done differently is give her the second £1 for game or toy. That probably made her realise there were more where that came from!
But all children do this sometimes. She was probably tired out.

I would probably have done the same except I would have made her give the toy to the charity shop on the way home instead of binning it.

I'm not sure that a charity shop would thank you for a 'donation' of a toy that cost £1 from a machine in a trampoline park.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

I think all I would have done differently is tried and failed not to show my anger, and kept the toy somewhere hidden as a treat for another time. But that's in hindsight. Toddlers can be buggers.

Five years old is not a toddler.

You did the right thing. Sounds like she needs firm boundaries and do not feel guilty for not giving In. This is why kids no longer have any respect for anyone these days There is no discipline anywhere. Well done for sticking to your guns.

I think you handled it very well. Feel proud 👏

I've carried mine out of a park surf board style after a massive fandango over similar. My son used to pummel my back when I tried to ignore bad behaviour. Parenting is fooking hard!

Sounds very familiar, I think you handled it fine. My kids would be on a complete sugar crash after a slush puppy, it's not something I would ever allow them to have. We have very high expectations of 5 year olds these days (especially to behave well all day at school) and sometimes life just becomes overwhelming and they can't handle minor setbacks.

Also I think they're sometimes looking for a way to let their negative feelings out and a disappointment gives them an excuse in some way.

Have a google of 1,2,3 magic. The key is consistency though and making sure to give the 2 warnings before the consequences so they have a chance to change their behaviour. Maybe you could all decide together on some house/family rules to have which are non-negotiable and any breaking of results in an immediate consequence, like keeping hands to ourselves, no screaming or shouting etc, stick the rules up where she can see them (put pictures on them if she can't manage reading them yet) and remind her of them if she starts to go off on one (you get to blame the rules then for any consequence and not look like the bad guy as much!)

I would have carried her accross the car park and forced her into her car seat, if that didn't work I would have held her in the car park till she calmed down enough to get in the car. Thrown the toy away. Said no more treats like that till good behaviour is demonstrated. Not given her money for the toy machine for a while. I don't allow sugary drinks but would have allowed the chocolate bar so I can see my daughter trying this one! I would have tried very hard to keep my cool but it sometimes fails!