What would you have done in this situation? 5 year old behaviour

[User9911]

Took 5 year old to trampoline park, just me and her. Had a lovely time - spent quality 1-1 time with her. Got her a chocolate and a slush puppy. As we were getting ready to leave she asked if she could play a game to try to win a teddy. I explained that chances are she wouldn’t win - she understood and said that was ok.

Of course she didn’t win and I said she could have one more pound. She could either try again or buy a small £1 toy. She asked to buy the small toy.

As soon as the toy dropped out, she picked it up, didn’t open it and said she didn’t want it. She asked for another pound. I said no, it was time to go now.

She sat down in the trampoline place and said I’m not going. She went into my bag and tried to get my purse to take another pound. I got the bag, remained calm and said I was leaving. She refused to move and so I walked towards the door. She eventually followed, screaming the place down.

we got into the car park and again she refused to walk to the car. It was busy with cars so I tried to encourage her to walk. She walked a bit then sat down in the middle of the car park.

By now I was very angry. I told her if she did not get up she would be in big trouble. She eventually got up and came to the car. I opened the door and she refused to get in. I lifted her in and she was trying violently to get out the car. Refused to let me get her seat belt on. Said she would take the seat belt off.

I was so incredibly angry by now I strapped her in and said she was very ungrateful. I sat in my seat to drive off and she started attacking me from behind. All because I didn’t buy her another toy.

I threw her toy away and told her it was gone as she was ungrateful.

I’m now feeling like I over reacted but would like some reassurance.

Her behaviour is getting completely out of control and i feel like I am too.

What would you have done?

Oh just had a thought. One that worked with my Dd when she would get in one of those tantrum states was just a cuddle. A long cuddle.
It’s a controversial one as some say it’s a reward. it’s enough reassurance and support to get past the frustration they are feeling.
Followed by “finished? Ready to go?”

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

I think all I would have done differently is tried and failed not to show my anger, and kept the toy somewhere hidden as a treat for another time. But that's in hindsight. Toddlers can be buggers.

She's not a toddler. She's 5.

You were fine. I would say she’s probably a little too young for a full day at the trampoline park. It was probably just far too many new experiences rolled into one and she got overwhelmed. Next time maybe go trampolining in the morning and end the day with lunch & a walk outside so she can burn off the excess energy.

I think you did fine. From your OP it doesn’t sound like you didn’t lose your cool.

The only thing that I might have done differently would be to pick her up in the car park when she refused to move.

I would have disappeared the toy too.

By attacking me I mean she was leaning right forward in her seat and hitting me from behind (she is directly behind my driving seat). She was the also kicking my chair from behind.

^

Totally unacceptable! I'd have gotten out of the car held her shoulders and said loudly that you do not behave like that. I think you under-reacted tbh.

Trampolining is a big enough treat. No to the choc and slush and no to the soft toy game. No is a complete sentence for kids too!

Was it a red slush puppy? That red colouring used to make DD crazy.

@purplecarrot23

I wouldn't have given my 5 year old a hot chocolate AND a slush puppy - there's a sugar disaster waiting to happen, and it did!

5 year old brains are chaos. She had a perfectly normal Reaction to an adrenaline high activity, which was followed by a massive sugar rush. In my opinion you're asking for trouble, so then punishing her by throwing away the toy isn't fair.

When my 5 year old Kicks off, I listen to her, stay close and find that repeating her 'woe' diffuses the situation. So if she's crying about not wanting the toy, I repeat it back to her so she knows I've understood her. I hold boundaries, I won't give in, but I hold clear boundaries.

You are the calm in their storm.

Lol the tldr here is that it’s your fault OP

(Obviously it’s not)

Would she have reacted just as badly if you hadn’t let her play the game at all?

Full day trampolining??!?

One hour is enough

Sorry, I meant to also say- you handled it perfectly well. What else could you have done? She is not the first 5yo to do this, and she won’t be the last.

Sorry full day I meant 1 hour at the trampoline park. We’ve been before she loves it as she very in to gymnastics.

I think you did fine op

It was a tantrum. DS 10 is still prone to meltdowns because he has ADHD. My strategy is to either ignore him or, if he wants a cuddle, give him one. This has always worked. I think you handled it brilliantly, although talking to DS would definitely have made him worse.

Blimey I’d definitely have thrown away the toy. And once things had calmed down (possibly even the next day) I’d have had a chat with her in a very calm way about what happened. At 5, she will have an idea of “fair” and rather than having the toy taken as punishment I would explain she’d decided she didn’t want it and then had behaved badly so it seemed she’d had too many treats.

Mine react to the food colouring making parties a nightmare. So combining lots of running about with sugar and enumbers always ended in disaster.
My 6yo had a meltdown last weekend at a village fayre after only 10min on the bouncy castle.

Sounds like you did really well and stayed very calm!

I'd have also chucked the toy, and every time she brings it up I'd remind her how unacceptable her behaviour was - "yes, it was very sad that I had to take your toy away, because you were hitting mummy".

Don't be so hard on yourself. Those fecking grabbit machines are so annoying! I still tell my youngest two (3 and7) that it's a con but they won't listen. They also get £1 each, then obviously lose and can choose one of those spinny machines with either a few sweets or a keyring etc.

I would have got the chocolate and slush puppy too as it's a treat and she's probably had these things before as a one off.

I think I'd reinforce that it's very dangerous to not listen in a car park and then distract mummy while she's driving. And that it's very rude to go into someone else's purse.

Thanks for the responses. Yesterday was a massive fail and so today I thought ok remain calm etc etc. Follow the advice on this.

Yet still she is difficult. She constantly annoys her older brother. She will sit on him, annoy him, and generally not listen to a word I say.

She kept grabbing on to her brother and he asked several times for her to stop. She then starts kissing him on his stomach and again is told to stop. She then comes over to me and starts doing it and it just really winds me up how annoying she is being. I know that sounds so trivial but it’s constant.

Her brother goes for a shower and she stands on the towel so he can’t pick it up. She says “haha!” As he trips over.

I know it sounds so silly but it’s driving me insane especially after yesterday’s episode. It’s really getting me down though. Feom the moment I open my eyes In the morning she’s demanding “take me downstairs!!!”, at 6am sometimes earlier. Her tone and attitude stink .

On the other hand she CAN be an absolute delight and so kind caring and considerate and I absolutely love being with her.

It could be girls, it's probably more like personality but my DD, slightly younger, sound similar. VERY strong willed. I imagine this will be fantastic in 15 years time, not so much now.

Remain calm (as you did, I try very hard to, don't always succeed!). What I do find useful, rather than always saying no is "later" and she says "for my birthday?" And I say "yes" and quite often that works.

Of course, the birthday list does not exist (if it did, it would be extensive!) and this won't work forever but it works for now.

@purplecarrot23

I wouldn't have given my 5 year old a hot chocolate AND a slush puppy - there's a sugar disaster waiting to happen, and it did!

5 year old brains are chaos. She had a perfectly normal Reaction to an adrenaline high activity, which was followed by a massive sugar rush. In my opinion you're asking for trouble, so then punishing her by throwing away the toy isn't fair.

When my 5 year old Kicks off, I listen to her, stay close and find that repeating her 'woe' diffuses the situation. So if she's crying about not wanting the toy, I repeat it back to her so she knows I've understood her. I hold boundaries, I won't give in, but I hold clear boundaries.

You are the calm in their storm.

Sugar rush affecting behaviour is a myth. I agree a parent needs to be the calm constant safety net for children, but I also think they need strong boundaries and to be told very firmly when they are misbehaving.

Is she normally grabby and playful with her brother? Or was this a new thing after the trampoline incident? If it makes you feel any better, rough-housing is really good developmentally for children, but not if either gets hurt

If she's bothering him, pick her up and move her. Tell her off and to find something else to do. If she goes back, I'd move her to another room.

If she demands anything it's just an eyebrow rise and a "pardon / magic word? /, try that again" and def don't do it.

Is she getting enough positive attention?

I would probably have done the same except I would have made her give the toy to the charity shop on the way home instead of binning it.

My DC like telling tales on me like this like they refuse to eat dinner and then tell people they didn't have any dinner because I wouldn't make them any. I just say "yeah that's right I never feed you do I?" Or if they say I took their brand new toy and gave it away I'd just say "yeah, I sure did"

I don't really care what randomers think of me though and anyone who knows me knows my kids are treated well and that I'm not nasty to them at all

This morning I start work at 6:30am so that I can finish for school pick up (from home). She gets up with DH and has breakfast then comes upstairs where I am working. She asks DH for his phone to play a game. He said no, it’s too early. She then comes into my room and asks for my phone. I say no dad told you it’s too early. She then comes up behind me and takes me phone. I try to get it off of her but she won’t let go. She is then put in her room for a time out but won’t stay in her room so DH holds the door closed. She then kicks, screams and bangs the door. All whilst I’m trying to work in a job which requires a high level of focus. I get up to go into her room and tell her to stay in there for a time out as she is continually not listening to what me and her dad says. As I open the door because she was right behind it kicking it etc she whacks her head off the door. She then proceeds to scream at the top of her lungs.

I’m close to giving up my job and seriously close to a breakdown. I can’t cope anymore.

Feels like you're describing my almost 5 year old. She is absolutely amazing and I love being with her most of the time but SO SO tough when in a demanding mood. Like you said - awful attitude, expects everything to be exactly how she wants and major meltdowns when doesn't get her way. These difficult moments are usually when tired, hungry or both. But no self awareness when tired and refuses to go back to sleep when wakes early so of course is tired. Putting to bed earlier results in an even earlier wake up so I don't know how to resolve that.

I know in my head how I want to handle things but staying calm is easier said than done when they push your buttons. Your scenario this morning is one that would easily play out in our house so you're not alone at all. I don't think you handled it badly, all of us would say we do something slightly different but easy to say when reflecting rather than in the moment.

You're not alone