What age is the hardest

[stressingmum]

Really struggling with my 21 month DS he isn't talking yet lots of babbling but everything is just a battle.

So I'm wondering what age I should expect it too get a bit easier?

He doesn't appear to understand any instructions but I'm actually thinking it's more a case of he doesn't want to understand - very stubborn.

Oh definitely 2.

No.... 5

No.... 9, definitely!

No..... 13.

No.... 16!

Seriously though, all the ages have their own special kind of hell. I found year 5&6 okay so ages 9-11. They can make their breakfast or lunch and you can pop to the shops without them plus they're still cuddly and think you're wonderful.

The sheer mental exhaustion of teenagers and realising you have absolutely no control yet all the responsibility is probably the hardest stage.

@MsTSwift

Also you can’t control stuff. If your 13 year olds friendship group inexplicably turn on her my god you suffer too…

Oh my god I am feeling this post right now with my 13 year old!

My little one is 4, an only child to a single mother. I’ve been finding this the hardest to date, the constant questions and conversations and demands for play :-/

0-1 was so, so easy tbh. Tbh obviously the first one was the easiest experience as no other kids to look after. I also think that if you have a few dcs you go through the stages at the same time as dealing with other dcs so newborn and toddlers etc so naturally more challenging but also a big positive after my first the kids entertained each other!
I found 18 months to 3 years tough, all of mine are boys and although v different personalities they were all v v physical, climbing, bolting , had to have eyes everywhere, couldnt sit down for 5 seconds..
I totally get that some plp have difficult babies but i often wonder why this is the phase everyone goes on and on about as being the toughest , i met a friend and her 3 month old for dinner and drinks yesterday and had to leave my 4 year old at home with dh....Even my older kids were getting angsty after an hour ( we always sit down and eat together so they are used to it) and i was actually busier with my older kids while their baby slept constantly and can't move!!! I definitly found 20 months mark v busy and i was way more tired than when they were tiny, it was goodbye coffees, wafting around with a sling, netflix sessions while feeding (obvs v much first baby here!!).
I love primary school age loads but childcare way more difficult to organise, they all have loads of sports, constant talking and noise but they are absolutly wonderful, great chats, still at that lovely pre teen stage.. Toddlers were tough, two of mine slept v badly up to 3 but also magically full of energy !
I was a secondary school teacher so teens should be interesting...

I asked my DM (83yrs young) this yesterday and she just gave me this look and said that kids height and issues change but there's always something we do to keep her on her toes .

@HairBobbles

Teenage years the hardest by a mile. Easiest the primary school years.

Same for me as well. The emotional turmoil of teenage years is unbearable at times.

I don’t think anyone can answer this really until their kid is 21!

Remember seeing a lovely elderly gp in early pregnancy and asked her when I could stop worrying meaning after first trimester as was worried about miscarriage etc. She put her pen down and said “NEVER! You worry about miscarriage then birth feeding development friendships education my son is 45 and I still haven’t stopped with the worry”!

Also early teens often clashes with peri menopause. I have been in tears this week over my teens and they are actually objectively easy and are lovely to us

I don’t think anyone can answer this really until their kid is 21!

I agree. I also agree that you never stop worrying about your children.

On threads where posters are thinking about having a third or fourth child, nearly all the posters who say go for it, and who already have 3 or 4, tend to have preteen children.

I could not have gone through friendship issues, bullying, boyfriend issues, GCSE and A levels, UCAS applications etc several times over, not to mention the expense of topping up university loans.

I found 14-22 months really hard work - he couldn't be left alone for a second, was constantly trying to kill himself (it felt like), put everything in his mouth, was super strong and resisted nappy changes and sleep, and couldn't communicate.

From around 22 months his speech improved and he stopped putting everything in his mouth, you could leave him playing and he wouldn't try to scale the bookcase while you were gone, and things have got better ever since. He's now 2.5 and while incredible frustrating and difficult some days, it's nothing compared to the constant stress when he was younger. And on the days he's in a good mood, well rested and well fed, he's a delight!

Newborn. It was just a shock to my system .Sleepless nights, constant feeding/nappy changes. I used to think babies feed/nappy changed 3xday. Shes 8 now it’s all great. Pregnant again but i will be fine as I know what to expect.

Teenage years.

13 - 18 have been hard, but also lovely at times. My girl teen also harder than my boy teen!

Hardest thing at the start was the separation - trying to give them freedom... but also keep them safe... and the rudeness 😫
I found it easier when I let go a little.

Like the OP, I found 1.5 to 2.5yo hard - sleeping still not great, not yet able to reason with them / explain things, and mine were very active and always running around.

Teens have been easy so far, fingers crossed (my eldest is nearly 16).

14-15

My theory is teens now are much closer to us and tell us their worries and issues. This is lovely for our relationship and for their mental health but bloody awy for the parents!

I didn’t tell my parents my day to day teen angst if you asked my mum how I was at 14 she would have blithely said I was absolutely fine but for 2 months I was crying myself to sleep as my friendship group temporarily blanked me out. Never told her. My dds on the other hand would tell me so I thrown take on that load too…

I agree with that. I kept things very much to myself as a teen, while I feel quite involved in with my teen dcs and their lives, friendships and problems. Plus ensuring safety in real life and online etc... It's exhausting!

I think it depends at what age your child starts speaking, but I think any she before you can clearly communicate with them, so probably about 18 months. By two, my children were speaking quite well and any bad behaviour was replaced by lots and lots of talking!

What this demonstrates is that it depends on the child. Some will be horror toddlers and amazing teens and others perfect toddlers and teens that almost drive you to insanity. It’s not the parenting either it’s luck I reckon.

I’m finding 2.5 hard atm .. everything feels like a battle.

Op have you tried saying what you think your toddler wants to say (however daft) like 'oh you're upset because you want the sky to be pink? That would be nice wouldn't it, are you disappointed' etc

Lots of tantrums are because they can't make themselves understood, if they know you understand them then it's easier, even if they can't have what they want.

My eldest is almost 5. So far the first newborn stage has been hardest. Lockdown with a just about toddler and a preschooler was also fairly horrendous.

Totally agree with Rampantivy those threads where mothers of numerous tiny children encourage others that “it’s fine” and “economies of scale” when their eldest is 6 or something. You. Have. No. Idea.

Totally depends on the child.

My first was a hideous baby, really, really hard. But he only had 1 tantrum as a pre-schooler/ toddler and has been compliant and easy going since. Second was a really easy baby, but a much more opinionated toddler. She's only 2.5 so hard to say if she'll get easier!

My friends dd was the most adorable easy going child all through primary. Kind biddable beautifully behaved. She was at 15 going through an angry goth stage and sneaked out all night to meet an older boyfriend who deals drugs. She’s coming through it now and will be a lovely person I am sure but the primary years in her case gave zero clue to what lay ahead!

I don’t want to say it doesn’t get easier - there are ups and downs - but each age brings its own challenges.

Newborn and 16-17 years.