What age is the hardest

[stressingmum]

Really struggling with my 21 month DS he isn't talking yet lots of babbling but everything is just a battle.

So I'm wondering what age I should expect it too get a bit easier?

He doesn't appear to understand any instructions but I'm actually thinking it's more a case of he doesn't want to understand - very stubborn.

Every age brings different challenges.

Age 12 - 16 years with Dd and probably age 10-14 years with DS in comparison the baby years were a doddle and I had two extremely close together.

Primary years lovely. Mine quite well behaved and as a parent you are broadly in control.

Early years lack of sleep and constantly watching and entertaining is draining.

Teens are far trickier than primary.

My sympathies- I didn’t really enjoy my DS until I could hold some kind of conversation with him. I found up to 3 years old just mind numbingly dull

Depends on the child, they all have different "hard" stages. We have 6 of them ranging from newborn to 15 so had a good variety of troubles.
You go through some stages thinking "it can't get any worse than this" but it often does in one way or another. You just have to get on with it as best you can.

I think it depends on the child, DD1 was an angel always slept well not hard work at all, at 17 she’s a horror right now. DD2 we’ve just found out she’s ASD explains a lot, DD3 just turned 13 again been a perfect angel so far, DS not bad at all only time will tell. All 4 were sleepers, never unwell etc

Definitely depends on the child.

DD was always an angel and we would joke that we'd pay for it when she hit 13. We weren't wrong. It's not that she has suddenly become horrible it's more that the problems she is suddenly facing are making all of our lives a misery. Anxiety , eating disorder, panic attacks, moodiness, friendship issues. All of this on top of a diagnosis of a chronic illness.

My own stress levels have got so bad I've needed to get help from my GP.

DS has always been challenging and exhausting but age 12-14 was awful. Struggled to settle in at secondary school , got bullied and it got so bad that he started taking about wanting to die. Had to arrange counselling. Now at almost 16 it's the worry about GCSEs and I'm watching his mood all the time for signs that his mental health is bad.

I think I look back on the toddler/pre school years through rose tinted glasses but I think I'll look back on the teenage years and shudder.

No idea because DD is only 2.5. I did find that things got progressively more difficult after around 20 months when the tantrums started, now the tantrums still happen but her understanding is a bit better so I can slightly reason with her and the tantrums seem to be getting gradually less explosive.
Having said that yesterday was one of my toughest days with her. Have just started mat leave (DC2 due in a couple of weeks) and wanted to spend a lovely day with her just the two of us but most of the day was spent with her screaming at me or legging it away from me while I tried to waddle after her.
Was discussing with a friend yesterday who has two kids and she said 4 was a turning point for them when it became much more enjoyable.

@AngelsWithSilverWings
Can totally relate

Secondary school teachers are indeed a special group of people!
How they do it I'll never know

My dd is really hard work. Anxiety. Friendship worries. Hopefully over now. . School refusal been better this term 🤞 but I was seriously stressed last term and still have bad days

She was great in primary she is academic and I thought it would be my ds that was trouble but I was wrong.

I'll NEVER take anything for granted again.

It gets different. Not easier.

I'm not sure @stressingmum is coming back. I think we've frightened her with tales of terrible teens...

Same whenwill. All is going well with your 12 year old then bam it is not. And that’s your happiness over because who can be happy when their 12 year old walks home from school alone crying? Then it’s all suddenly fine again. Dear god.

@MsTSwift it's just heartbreaking isn't it. During Y8 I watched my daughter become a shadow of her former self, both physically and mentally. I tried everything to try to help but I realised eventually that I had to change her environment.

A friend whose DD was going through the same moved her to a different school and the change in her has been amazing. I finally decided to do the same and my DD has started at a new school and is happy for the first time in a long while. I feel like I'm getting my DD back. She's still having counselling as some of the damage that was done to her at that school has caused long lasting mental health issues but I think we will get through this.

Caring for babies and young children is hard of course but this is emotionally gruelling in ways I can’t really explain

Hi all,

Thank you for your comments no not scared off I guess it's all just one big worry with children and any age is hard.

I am aware my DS is a bit behind on the speaking front and have had his ears tested which came back fine just awaiting an appointment with paediatrician. He has always been a difficult baby and now his stubbornness is really showing it's making it one big struggle.

Like every child he has his good and bad moment.

I am aware my DS is a bit behind on the speaking front and have had his ears tested which came back fine just awaiting an appointment with paediatrician.

It's good that his hearing is ok. It's ok to ring the Paediatrician's secretary and say that you are available for short notice appointments.

Like others have suggested, I'd try some simple signs with him while he's still struggling to communicate. Have a look at Makaton. It's a very simple signing system, it's the one that Mr Tumble uses.

Teenage years have been the worst for us - without a shadow of a doubt!

I agree with what @MsTSwift said. Dealing with babies and toddlers is physically harder, but dealing with older children and teenagers is far more emotionally harder, and that’s more wearing than physical tiredness.
One example I can think of is that I can make my own decisions for a baby or a toddler, I can’t do that for a teenager. Trying to navigate a teenager through exams, school, friendships, hormones, anxiety, illness, etc is hard.

I can deal with a toddler throwing a tantrum, because that’s what they do. You sort of accept “he’s a toddler”. But a teenager lashing out at me hurts me in a completely different way, it shakes me to the core. Thankfully it doesn’t happen very often at all.

I'm only upto the age of 4 so far.

12-18m was the hardest bit so far for me.

• they slept far worse than they did as a newborn.
• very clingy and impossible to do stuff around the house - wheras when younger if just put them in a sling and get on with it.
• lead opportunities to catch up on sleep in the day
• juggling work.
• far more demanding than when tiny.

From about 18m, it's become gradually easier, although sleep is still very sporadic (even for my 4yo).

Newborn!! Dreadful. Although DS is only 2.5 so a very long way to go. I’m actually really enjoying this phase which shows they are all so different!

3-5 and 15-17

Parenting teens is by far the most emotionally difficult and draining stage. Give me a 2 year old any day!

Eldest is ten and youngest is seven

Hardest was with the newborn second time around and also between the ages of 1-3 is hard imo

My never in trouble in his life 16 year old was brought home in a police van in handcuffs due to making one poor choice, that was worse than his brothers pre school biting phase (which i thought was awful at the time).

Mine are 3 and 5. The hardest with my oldest was by far the first 7/8 weeks. She wouldn’t sleep unless held and would just scream and scream until she was picked up. We were so tired we were shaking!

With my youngest it was 3-12 months. She was clingy in a way I could never imagine. She’d scream sitting on my knee facing away from me; whenever she wasn’t looking into my face, she was crying. It was awful for me because I was completely touched out and for DH as his baby did nothing but cry at him.

They’ve both been challenging in their own ways since then, but those times were definitely the hardest so far.

I think 16-18, when they demand to go out, stay out and claim to be independent adults while deep down they are still not mature enough to take good care of themselves.