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Original poster

AIBU to be angry with my partner for this

46 replies

Blak · 15/09/2021 20:35

So after our tea on the evenings, my partner always takes DD (15 months) up for a bath and I finish of tidying the kitchen, changing bins, getting floor hoovered and mopped etc so I already think he has the better job out of the 2 anyway. Well tonight my DD had a tantrum when getting out the bath and partner shouted me to help out so I went up to help out, still not having finished my chores. 10 minutes later he shouted me up again to tell me he’s struggling to get a nappy on DD as she won’t sit still, I told him to give me 10 mins and I’ll come and sort it, 2 mins later he shouted again for me to put a nappy on DD and then finally he shouted again to tell me that DD had pooed on her bedroom floor and that I haven’t prioritised my chores and I’ve put my daughter last by not running to put her nappy on straight away. I then had to clear the poo of the floor as he was making the biggest deal ever and I just said to him that these things happen and she’s ok to be without a nappy on for a while but he might want to try and find ways to be able to put a nappy on for the days he’s on his own with her and I’m working - his response to that was he told me to F OFF.

Sorry for the rant but I’m just so angry with him right and not sure if I should be

OP posts:
KingdomScrolls · 15/09/2021 20:40

Who the hell does he think he is? From now on he does the chores and you put DD to bed. DH used to do more bath and bed and I'd do what you were doing, I think he thought it was easier. I got fed up at that bath and bedtime story time is nice especially when I've been at work and want to see DS. We both do both on different days now. He realises that actually there's a lot to do downstairs now. However I would never expect being summoned repeatedly unless something urgent had happened that I also wouldn't be able to deal with by myself, and of he told me to fuck off, he would be taking his own advice.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 15/09/2021 20:42

it doesn't take two to change the nappy of a 15 month old child

Unless there is some massive drip feed coming like your DH has two artificial hands or something

babouchette · 15/09/2021 20:43

What a prick!!!

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MissAmbrosia · 15/09/2021 20:43

Well isn't he quite pathetic! Can't put a nappy on a baby? Soon he'll probably have you doing the bath and the chores.

Original poster
Blak · 15/09/2021 20:49

Thanks so much for the replies, I feel like I’m not being pathetic now. I’ve sat myself in a different room tonight just to calm down. I understand he works long hours but things do need doing on the evenings and I feel like bathing DD is not a chore and gives them so bonding time. I think he does expect me to do it all.

OP posts:
3womeninaboat · 15/09/2021 20:49

Strategic incompetence? I have never been unable to get a nappy on either of my toddlers and can’t imagine a competent functioning adult being unable to do it, even with wriggling and crying.

romdowa · 15/09/2021 20:58

Sounds like he is purposely doing a bad job to get out of doing it entirely.

parietal · 15/09/2021 21:00

emotions are definitely running high in your house for everyone.

he is being unreasonable, but give him time to calm down and then talk.

how much childcare does he do apart from bath-time? the more he does, the more he will get good at it.

Original poster
Blak · 15/09/2021 21:04

@parietal this is what has probably annoyed me the most, he does his fair share of childcare and it just makes me feel bad because now I don’t think my DD gets the correct care. If he’s struggling to put a nappy on what else is he struggling with

OP posts:
BlueMoons90 · 15/09/2021 21:16

He is definitely being unreasonable! You are doing the worst job out of the two IMO. His fault that she shat on the floor because he was incapable of putting a nappy on his daughter.

YRGAM · 15/09/2021 22:27

Yeah, that's madness. It's 2021, a father should be able to put a nappy on. Maybe suggest you swap the jobs every day. This works very well for me and my partner.

InnPain · 15/09/2021 22:36

Okay this may not be the popular opinion but coming from someone who often calls her OH to help with nappies I can understand your DPs frustration.

My LO often plays up when I’m changing a nappy and at times it’s a poo and it becomes a battlefield, I find myself shouting on OH to assist and then LO straightens up. Looking at it from that light I can see why your DP was frustrated as he must’ve been having a right old difficult time upstairs and probably just needed you to drop the chores for a few mins as they weren’t urgent, they could’ve been completed as soon as the nappy was on.

However, the swearing I don’t agree with, I don’t condone that at all. He owes you an apology for that.

T0rt0ise · 16/09/2021 03:58

Have to say I also sometimes ask my OH for help getting the nappy on, especially a night nappy when you want to make sure it's fitted correctly. If you LO is known for being a wriggler I'd have nipped up to help (and expected my husband to help with any chores that I didn't have time to complete).

Flittingaboutagain · 16/09/2021 04:07

Putting a nappy on should be a one person job apart from if you are at the end of your tether as a one off and need moral support I think.

It's not OK to behave like that no. He shouldn't be swearing.

Thethreecs · 16/09/2021 04:38

Oh for goodness sake, a grown man can't put a nappy on a child. Sounds like he purposely made a balls of it so that you add it to your chores.

My kids could change siblings nappies from 8 years of age, there's no science to it. Kids wriggle, you distract them while doing it or you find a safe position that works. I've a disabled 13 year old in nappies and I can tell you a wriggly toddler is 100 times easier.

If he's so stressed out and taking it out on you and your child, then he needs to address this. Speaking to you like that is disgusting. Allowing your child to poo on the floor and let you clean it up is a disgrace.

Could he not have wrapped the child in a towel till you were ready to save the day. You need to buy him a doll/teddy to practice on, or maybe you could give him a lend of the parenting book you got when you gave birth.

DefineHappy · 16/09/2021 05:10

Why did you have to clean up the poo? Did you also have to put the nappy on? And who got DC into pyjamas? Who then went downstairs and had to finish all the chores?

You?!?

As a PP said, strategic incompetence - he gets out of doing it all…..

Newmum29 · 16/09/2021 05:13

If he can’t put a nappy on a 15 month old without assistance there’s a major problem..

Willow19C · 16/09/2021 05:18

I might be the minority here, but if my DH asked for help with putting a nappy on the baby, I wouldn't tell him '10 mins", I'd help right away. I don't want a baby toddling around without a nappy for 10 minutes. Anything could happen!
As a one off, I'd rush to help.
I have a very wriggly 8 month old and DH had to help me change a dirty nappy yesterday. I don't really like all the comments that point out what a crap mum that makes me, needing help with a nappy...

MauvePinkRose · 16/09/2021 05:20

I agree with @InnPain s post. I don’t condone the swearing but occasionally things just get difficult.

Our then seven month old once fell asleep on the way home and I put him straight to bed, saying I’d do nappy and clean babygros when he woke. When he did wake he was like an angry octopus and I did need DP to help Smile

He absolutely shouldn’t have sworn, but I do think parenting can be tricky, there shouldn’t be any shame in asking for back up.

iwannascream · 16/09/2021 05:25

I was on my own with a 3 month old as my husband had just died, when the shit hit the fan (no pun intended) and the baby was playing up I had no-one to ask to help. He will just have to find his own way to manage like the rest of us do.

Somethingsnappy · 16/09/2021 13:27

You have yourself a manchild there OP. You're expected to do your chores, his chores too and then the chores that result from his incompetence.

Original poster
Blak · 16/09/2021 20:29

Thank you everyone for the replies and @iwannascream sorry for your loss, sending virtual hugs.

Just as a quick update, he asked me to apologise, I don’t really know what for. I also told him I was going to meet a friend for some tea tonight but he didn’t come home from work on time on purpose so I didn’t make it. He told me ‘If You can’t apologise then I’m not coming home’

OP posts:
NichyNoo · 16/09/2021 20:32

I hope that when he eventually came home you handed over DD and walked out the door. Even if you sat in a pub on your own you can’t let him think he can control your life in that way and on his whim.

Hercisback · 16/09/2021 20:36

Tell him not to come home, lock the door and leave him a bag on the doorstep. What a wanker.

If he struggles with actual nappies, those pull ups are often easier.

Napa234 · 16/09/2021 20:58

When our baby was 15 months old we had nightmares at bedtime trying to get her nappy on especially if you put cream on at night too and it definitely needed 2 of us which sounds crazy but it genuinely did so I actually understand your partners point of view in that he was calling you to help….I had to call my husband so many times and I would Have got annoyed if he wanted to delay it by 10minutes doing chores so I kind of understand but not telling you to F Off, that’s unreasonable x