Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to be angry with my partner for this

46 replies

Blak · 15/09/2021 20:35

So after our tea on the evenings, my partner always takes DD (15 months) up for a bath and I finish of tidying the kitchen, changing bins, getting floor hoovered and mopped etc so I already think he has the better job out of the 2 anyway. Well tonight my DD had a tantrum when getting out the bath and partner shouted me to help out so I went up to help out, still not having finished my chores. 10 minutes later he shouted me up again to tell me he’s struggling to get a nappy on DD as she won’t sit still, I told him to give me 10 mins and I’ll come and sort it, 2 mins later he shouted again for me to put a nappy on DD and then finally he shouted again to tell me that DD had pooed on her bedroom floor and that I haven’t prioritised my chores and I’ve put my daughter last by not running to put her nappy on straight away. I then had to clear the poo of the floor as he was making the biggest deal ever and I just said to him that these things happen and she’s ok to be without a nappy on for a while but he might want to try and find ways to be able to put a nappy on for the days he’s on his own with her and I’m working - his response to that was he told me to F OFF.

Sorry for the rant but I’m just so angry with him right and not sure if I should be

OP posts:

CassandraTrotter · 16/09/2021 21:07

Op, that is awful and controlling behaviour from him. It is not good at all. I expect theres a lit more to this. And do not have another child with him.

CassandraTrotter · 16/09/2021 21:08

@Napa234

When our baby was 15 months old we had nightmares at bedtime trying to get her nappy on especially if you put cream on at night too and it definitely needed 2 of us which sounds crazy but it genuinely did so I actually understand your partners point of view in that he was calling you to help….I had to call my husband so many times and I would Have got annoyed if he wanted to delay it by 10minutes doing chores so I kind of understand but not telling you to F Off, that’s unreasonable x

Really? You read op’s posts and you think he was reasonable? Ffs why are so many women's standard on the floor.

InnPain · 16/09/2021 21:21

Just read your update OP - he’s acting like an immature arse now and dragging this on. He owes you an apology for swearing and you owe him an apology for perhaps not being as helpful as you could have while he was having a meltdown upstairs. Hash it out and communicate because the only one who will suffer in these arguments is your child.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

InnPain · 16/09/2021 21:23

All those commenting saying it’s pathetic that one person can’t do a happy etc etc. Can I just say tonight it took me and OH to do LOs nappy. Some children can be very challenging and it’s no shame admitting you need the help of your partner. So those comments are pointless, unhelpful and unless you’ve been in that situation you can’t really comment.

Napa234 · 16/09/2021 21:24

@CassandraTrotter

If you read the end of my post it says he was unreasonable. And in regards to the OPs original post I was just giving her our own view point from our family in which needed two of us to change our daughters nappy sometimes. This forum is about offering advice and experiences from different perspectives so please Be kind enough to respect that x

WanJames · 16/09/2021 22:13

Ffs!!! What a useless bellend

YRGAM · 16/09/2021 22:16

Wow, that's quite the escalation. I don't understand how people can be so horrible to those they're supposed to love

frazzledasarock · 16/09/2021 22:22

Well if he finds it all so very hard why doesn’t he swap with OP. So he does her chores and she does bath time with the baby?

He sounds abusive and controlling. He’s not coming home unless you apologise, I’d take him up on that and sweep his crap into a bin liner and leave it by the door, he can take it with him as he’s not coming home ever again.

Hell would freeze over before I apologised to a useless man who did nothing around the house, why didn’t he clean the poo up whilst you got her nappy on?

CassandraTrotter · 16/09/2021 22:29

@Napa234 this was op’s post before yours. I firmly stand by my statement that your standards are on the floor if you think this is acceptable.

he asked me to apologise, I don’t really know what for. I also told him I was going to meet a friend for some tea tonight but he didn’t come home from work on time on purpose so I didn’t make it. He told me ‘If You can’t apologise then I’m not coming home’

Napa234 · 17/09/2021 07:08

@CassandraTrotter I don’t think that’s acceptable at all and I hadn’t read that post and if you read my post properly before jumping to conclusions you can see that I didn’t even mention that at all and was only referring to her original post.

And of course that’s unacceptable.

Tal45 · 17/09/2021 08:48

Struggling with a nappy is one thing, purposely not coming home from work so you can't go out it quite another. This is getting nasty OP, you need to talk about this with him as it's childish controlling behaviour stemming I'd imagine from feeling inadequate - telling him he might want to find a way to put the nappy on sounds quite patronising but still his response is way off.

You need to be a team and work together on this or everyone loses and you might as well split up. Did you end up putting on dd's nappy alone or did you need his help? How do you do it? Can you show him and give him some tips, biting your tongue so you don't patronise him. You tell him he needs to learn but learning is a lot easier if you have someone to show you - ie do you do something in particular to distract her, does she have a special toy for nappy changes only, do you talk/sing to her, is it just a case of being patient and persistent? Don't apologise but talk to him and sort this out as it's gone too far.

WTF475878237NC · 17/09/2021 16:46

That's really horrid. What a mean thing to do.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 17/09/2021 16:53

I think it sounds like emotions were high for you and DP. Realisticly 1 person should be able to manage. But on occasion a huge messy poo and a Wriggling kid means 2 people make the job easy.

Sounds like he asked for your help many times before the accident happened.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 17/09/2021 16:54

@Blak

Thank you everyone for the replies and *@iwannascream* sorry for your loss, sending virtual hugs.

Just as a quick update, he asked me to apologise, I don’t really know what for. I also told him I was going to meet a friend for some tea tonight but he didn’t come home from work on time on purpose so I didn’t make it. He told me ‘If You can’t apologise then I’m not coming home’

Sorry I've just read this.

I take back what I said. Your DP is a sulking knobhead man child

Hawkins001 · 17/09/2021 17:01

Firstly omg, and all the best op

SunflowersInTheShade · 17/09/2021 17:01

Tell him he owes you an apology for not managing to put a nappy on his own daughter!!

Please don't apologise - he is making it your problem and trying to ensure you will run faster next time. Instead he should be pulling up his socks to learning to cope with his own kids.

cravingmilkshake · 17/09/2021 18:54

My husband has cerebral palsey and has a bad right arm and hand which is basically unusable and we take turns each night doing bedtime or the kitchen and he has never once said he couldn't get a nappy on our daughter - who is now 2 .... oh and twins on the way!

Don't let him try to do a bad job so he can get away with doing bedtime x

RaspberryBlower99 · 17/09/2021 19:02

Gosh, after 15 months he really should be able to put on a nappy, wriggly baby or not! I'd be cross with him for being cross!

Rhi11 · 17/09/2021 20:47

I think you both need to maybe relax with the routine side of things and enjoy time as a family.. why can't you both bath LO and then sort bits out after . Also you need you Time! Evan if you lock the bathroom door candle hot bath.

pictish · 17/09/2021 20:53

It goes from bad to worse. Lazy incompetence followed by shifting the responsibility and blame on to you, to punishing and sabotaging you.
He’s being controlling and self serving.
How long have you been together? Is he often difficult and demanding like this?

Scrunchies · 18/09/2021 09:22

He was of course BU and sounds like a knob.

However just wanted to say that some children are more difficult than others with nappies. I’m a single parent but my 13 mo can be a fucking nightmare. Sometimes a nappy change can leave us both in tears. She can’t be ‘distracted’ or held down. Those suggesting ‘just give them a toy’ clearly haven’t had that type of child. I’m only making this point for the other mums on here who have said that they sometimes need an extra set of hands - it’s not a failing, some children are just harder than others and those saying nappies are easy have clearly just had easier children in that respect.

That’s not a comment on his behaviour tho, which is wrong.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread