Having a toddler and newborn at home full time - tips please!

[Lsjdjfjdh]

I am due baby number 2 at the end of the year and will have a 2.5 year old also by then. The toddler doesn't go to nursery or any formal childcare. DHs parents are close by and often have her over to theirs once a week/fortnight. Hoping they may keep this arrangement once baby is here!
Does anyone have any tips on having a toddler and newborn at home all the time together?

Try and have your 2.5yo as toilet trained as possible.
Batch cook and stock your freezer
Use white noise for naps
If you didn’t get a bath seat for your first, then make sure you definitely get one for your second. It means you have your hands free so that you can wash your baby, and your toddler at the same time.
Save yourself from traipsing up and down the stairs with both kids in tow and get a changing station for every floor of your home. Buy a really cheap changing mat and stash it underneath the sofa.
Get a good Thermos mug - the chances of you finishing a hot drink before it cools down to room temperature are slim to none.
Even if you already have a baby monitor, you’ll want to consider upgrading to a monitor that supports two cameras.
Put together a ‘busy box’ with some toys which will occupy your eldest when you’re feeding your baby.
Consider getting a high chair which supports a newborn so you can put the baby in it without worrying about your eldest poking its eyes out. Useful when you need to pee.
Use a Snoozee sleep trainer clock for the oldest!

New toys and puzzles for the toddler.

TV is friend not foe.

Take a walk every day. Even if it is -3 degrees out. Toddler needs it and baby can be well wrapped.

Find a SMALL soft play or pop-up play - leisure centres or garden centres often have them. You can send the 2.5 yo into the cube to play alone if the play cube is small and simple, at that age 2.5 y.o will likely be okay and you can oversee from a table with the baby. Useful in wet weather.

Baby sling is essential.

Get the 2.5 yo their own baby doll complete with nappy that can be changed, change mat, toy bottle etc. Even if toddler is a boy. They can parent their baby just like you.

Have a plan for when one or both kids are poorly and potentially you are too.

Lastly, if all else fails, when DC2 is 6 months consider going back to work full time and put them both in childcare. ie escape. No shame in needing a break from it all.

Sling for baby was a lifesaver probably for the first 4 months
If your DH can take extra time after paternity leave, do it. An extra week or two to recover and get into the groove of having two really helps.
Divide and conquer at the weekend and bedtimes if you can - I spent many an afternoon on the sofa watching Netflix with baby DD while DH took DS to the park.
Always have the nappy bag packed and ready to go
Regular childcare (whether that's GPs or paid for care) is brilliant. DS goes to nursery a couple of days a week and it's a massive help - DD and I can go to baby groups, i can grab a nap if needed, we go for a long walk.
TV is fine, don't worry about it
They don't need a bath every day
Sort out your toys now and get them organised, have a handy box of craft stuff, keep a couple of those cake mix kits in the cupboard so you've ways got something to do.

I had my two year old in childcare two days a week, she loved it and I could concentrate on myself and the baby.
Strongly recommend it if you can afford it.

Also make sure you don’t turf older child out of cot and then put the baby straight in. Tends to cause unnecessary stress.

TV time at 5pm for the toddler so you can cook and have some time without being asked a million questions. If they don't nap but were in a good routine of doing so, have quiet time instead after lunch so you can tidy up etc. Get out the house as much as possible and spend time with friends - I found with that age gap lots of friends who I knew from my first maternity leave were off again with their second. Enjoy the newborn days before the baby starts to crawl and pinch your toddlers toys - that's when it gets hard!!

Thanks everyone! Toddler is potty trained pretty much now so that's one less thing to worry about. I have ordered a sling as didn't really have one before and heard they are very useful with two.
I like the idea of a special box of toys that only comes out during feeding times.
One thing I am worried about is bedtimes eventually...DH often works lates so isn't around in the evening.
We already do TV time whilst I sort dinner and I like the idea of quiet time instead of nap time. (Still napping currently luckily).

One handed activities! I stocked up on loads of sticker books and colouring and bring them out on a slow or stressful day.

I also got a load of board games I could play one handed. And things like marble run/train track where I help him set it up and then just watch or leave him to it.

Places to put the baby down that there toddler can't or won't reach them. Converse to previous poster, DS2 did move from a cot to a bed just before DS3 was born and we use the cotbed, set up for a toddler so lowest setting, for the newborn while DS2 is getting changed, dressed etc and if we need to come and go. He can't get in so the baby is safe.

Prepare your toddler with a homemade book detailing what will happen when you go into labour.

Bedtime has been the hardest for us. Newborn wants to cluster feed and toddler needs me in there. DH had been taking the baby for a walk but he didn't always have the energy so I've started to express some milk for that time.

Sling is essential.

Pack the nappy bag in the evenings as much as possible so it’s always ready.

Get the toddler out for a walk, fresh air is magic.

Have a changing mat and supplies downstairs but keep the bum cream out of reach of toddler

Slow cooker/ batch cooking was help so I could get the cooking done early in the day/ don’t have to do much because it’s already made. In the very early days I/dh even made lunch boxes for me and toddler in the evening because it’s easier to make lunch after the toddler was in bed and dh was home as well.

I found having a second easier than the first. Dc2 fit into the routine we already had. I certainly found being 8/9 months pregnant and with a toddler harder than with a newborn.

Drop all your screen time standards for a bit. I used to put kids TV on for my oldest and give her a snack while I was feeding the baby, and she was happy to just sit with us on the couch and stare at cbeebies for a bit.

Either potty train before baby is born or leave it til a good few months after. It would be too stressful for everyone with a newborn to deal with at the same time. Mine wasn't ready before so we just took a step back and went back to nappies. Changing two isn't that big a deal.

Dinnertime is where it's all going wrong for us at the moment if anyone has any tips. We tend to be too exhausted. So DS2 (3) gets something quick and easy but not at all appetising to adults. DS1 (13) gets forgotten and makes himself something. DH and I wait until about 9pm and each defrost a frozen pizza or something equally low effort. Poor DS1 is getting totally ignored (he doesn't seem to mind!) and none of us are eating that well.

I am thinking we need to redesign dinner entirely and all eat together at approx 5:30 but am feeling a bit daunted about how that works.

I had a fifteen month age gap whilst living abroad in the 80's and no tv. It can be done.
Lots of people have given some great tips so I will try not to repeat to many
The one bit of advice I can give is go with the flow and don't stress about housework. As long as kitchen/bathroom clean and meals in the freezer and clean clothes, the rest doesn't matter. After a week the dust looks no worse!
If you can afford a cleaner or to outsource other stuff it is worth it. Even if only for a few weeks.
Your freezer is your friend as is online shopping.
Ready meals and beige food are a great standby even if you don't use them normally
Do you have Alexa? Keeps our toddler grandson occupied singing and asking questions.
You will soon become expert in cuddling your toddler and feeding a baby at the same time
The perfect mother/child/baby/family does not exist. Don't feel guilty if things do not run smoothly, you are only human.
Enjoy your time now. They grow up quickly.
Accept any offers of help
Looking back I wish I had taken my own advice

I have a 17 month gap between my children. The two things that I found most helpful were a sling which meant I had both hands free and a changing station downstairs so I didn't have to lug baby and toddler upstairs for a nappy change every 5 mins.

Bfing was easier for me, as DS1 suddenly decided he couldn't feed himself, so I was bfing one and spoonfeeding the other! Sling and buggy is much easier to manoeuvre than a twin buggy. Trips to the supermarket take hours, I would shop, then take DS1 for tea in the café and bf DD. Lots of bf and toilet breaks.

Bertie Can adults and teen eat together at a reasonable time (possibly after toddler has gone to bed?) and save a portion for the toddler to have reheated the next night? DP do bedtime while you're cooking?

I found the easiest way was to stick to the toddler routine as much as possible and the baby just had to fit round. She soon adapted to naps in the buggy whilst at toddler groups/classes with the eldest etc.

My advice is to involve the toddler as much as possible in your everyday tasks. I pop the baby in the sling and do all the prep for dinner with DS. I give him his own chopping board and bowl and get him to help me prepare dinner. He bathed his baby when I do the baby and so on and so forth.

Second the getting out every day. I got him a buggy board which was also a huge hit and we go out rain or shine. I also have a few crafts and sticker books that I keep in reserve for truly bad days. A few weeks ago he was ill and they were a true saviour for helping when he was feeling really sad and unwell.

Finally, there are still many classes for under 5s locally. I have signed him up for a couple, like Hartbeeps. He enjoys it, baby can just come along and I met a few mums in similar setups so we can do play dates and meet up, especially on rainy days.

Fantastic advice on this thread.

One thing that helped for me, when it came to getting the toddler to accept the new arrival, was to tell the baby off from time to time: "Now then, Baby, you need to settle down. Less of this howling please." Just in an ordinary tone of voice, so the baby heard it as simple friendly chat, but the toddler understood it as a ticking-off. It gave toddler the idea that he and baby were in the same boat.

This was a hard time for me ... don't be hard on yourself, just take it one day at a time, give yourself some breaks if you can. It does get so much easier.

I won’t repeat anything. We had a bugaboo with dc1 and got the seat attachment when dd2 came along….was really useful as dd1 was still too little to walk and liked her seat. I think other pushchairs have a seat or board for the older children.

When driving on your own the best way I found was toddler into the car seat first so they can’t run away, I didn’t strap her in yet, then baby gets put in, then strap in toddler.

I second slings, second changing mat downstairs and tv time if needed!

I had little hook and latches put in on the outside of most doors. So before I sat down to feed I could clip them on and the toddler couldnt rampae around the house out of my sight. I would leave him with the babies room (where I bf) and the hallway to run up and down. I put a towel over the bedroom door so he couldnt shut that.

It also meant that I could put the baby in his cot and shut and latch the door while I went to the loo or took a shower and knew the toddler couldnt get in to mess with the baby

I would never blame the baby for not being able to do something. It was always oh Mummy has to load the dishwasher before we can go outside to play rather than you have to wait for the baby to finish his nap

I always talked about how the baby preferred big brother to anyone..look how he watches you when you come in the room, you are his only brother, show him how to jump, show him how to eat peas like a big boy etc etc. Luckily we never had any jealousy problems and his might have had something to do with it

Seeline the problem is that I think I really need to do DS2's bedtime. We are already in an unfortunate dynamic of Daddy doing all DS2's things (mainly because he can drive and I can't) exacerbated by BF newborn and I feel I need that time to connect with him. Also DS2 can take AGES to fall asleep at the moment so if we wait until after that then it's really late for DS1 who needs to get up before 6am for school.

Anyway I've done some slow cooker chilli for today. Now just have to summon the energy to clean the dining table...

Lots of great tips here and I have nothing to add for day time except get out & about so toddler has a good run around.
Bedtimes... my DH also works late so I have to do it on my own 3 or 4 nights a week. I'm not going to lie it is really hard. My baby is now 4months but I still haven't quite got routine sorted.
When baby was newborn I could read toddler stories while breastfeeding baby and both would fall asleep.
Now I bath them both. Put baby to sleep while toddler plays in room (we have a gate on his bedroom door). Then I do stories with him. Some nights it goes well and other nights they are both crying and I'm running around like a headless chicken. It's mayhem. I always need a glass of wine when they're both asleep.

@BertieBotts oh that's an interesting idea about the book. I'm planning on an ELCS so will have to have a think about what to include.

Toddler and I both currently eat dinner together around 5/5.30pm (the same meal) and that is when I put some TV on to prepare it, although this will be a little trickier with a newborn so I'm looking for tips too. I had assumed I'd use the sling/bouncer in the kitchen...?

Yes we already had a little changing caddy and mat upstairs and downstairs so will dig those out again. I will also get a buggy board.

Another thing I'm worried about this time is breastfeeding. Long gone are the days where I'd feed and have a snoozing baby on me on the sofa for hours! Wondering how that plays out with a toddler too...

@Ldnmum7 I felt like I needed a glass of wine tonight after my toddler was screaming at bedtime for an hour (which is pretty rare tbh luckily) but also got me worried about what am I meant to do with a newborn and a screaming toddler on my own at bedtime 😭

14 month gap with both children at home.

Top tips: get out EVERY DAY, multiple times a day. For your sanity and for your DC.

Our day looked something like:
Morning: activity for toddler like soft play or playgroup whilst baby slept or sat on my lap or in sling.

Afternoon: long walk, or playground for the toddler while baby in sling.

We were out in all weather, rain, hail, shine.

Widly unpopular on here but I found this book really helpful

So what I took from it was;
No massive change in expectations when baby arrives, an example is I have never allowed ball games inside or jumping on the sofas or beds, these things seem harmless when your first is 12 or 13 months, but impossible with a 2.5yo and a newborn.
Prepare the evening meal earlier in the day (during baby's first nap is a good time) when toddler is relatively self contained
You cannot start bath/bedtime too early, easier to have everyone bathed and fed by 6 than be dealing with increasingly fractious children waiting for their Dad to come home to "help".
At least once a week go to bed at toddler's bedtime.

Good luck