Having a toddler and newborn at home full time - tips please!

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I am due baby number 2 at the end of the year and will have a 2.5 year old also by then. The toddler doesn't go to nursery or any formal childcare. DHs parents are close by and often have her over to theirs once a week/fortnight. Hoping they may keep this arrangement once baby is here!
Does anyone have any tips on having a toddler and newborn at home all the time together?

I would recommend you get a sling for the newborn. I found mine so helpful as definitely needed both hands to look after the toddler.

When the baby is new all they want to do is be with you and I found the sling meant that I had a very content newborn which was a relief. Also with most newborn fabric slings you can also position them so you can breast feed while they are in it - which was fab as it meant I didn't have to sit down/keep still while feeding.

It's hard at the beginning but a small age gap also has its advantages. Good luck x

My advice to you (I have one 4 month old and an 18 month old) is just to be ok with not getting as much house stuff done in the day! Apart from that you will be totally fine!!! A bouncer is my best friend as it’s somewhere handy to place baby that they won’t get trampled on by my toddler or squashed with her dolls buggy 😂

2 years 2 months between mine. I actually found the newborn days pretty manageable.

Bouncy chair or swing for baby!

Sling - I recommend visiting a sling library. A ring sling is great for one handed feeding and easy for quick up and down carries for both children as required.

Screen time as needed.

Plan to go out every day. Book activities for the toddler if you can. They can burn off steam, you can see other grown ups and have an adult conversation, you might even get a coffee and someone to hold the baby if you’re lucky.

I'm currently doing this with 21 months between them and it's full on. You need to accept that at some points they'll both be screaming and you can't sort it out. Sometimes you'll need to shut the door on one and deal with the other.

I find it helpful to have somewhere safe to put the baby in each room.

And this - from my mum - it's really hard work, it gets easier, take each minute as it comes and you'll be fine eventually (I'm still waiting, baby is 3 months).

Oh and lower your standards a bit!

And my eldest had quite a bad sleep regression but it did pass after 6 weeks or so.

Breathe.

We have a 2 and a half year old and a 1 year old and both work full time. Currently my clean kitchen is covered in crumbs, my top is covered in dinner and I feel like I'm trying to herd cats.

I wouldn't change it for the world though!

15 months between mine. It was chaos and I thought I'd never have a tidy home again but now it's fabulous. They're really close and mostly like the same things and we can do things as a family.

Whispers *and I wasn't the stay at home parent after the little one was 9 month, my DH was

15 months between ours. We had the Moses basket inside the playpen in the lounge so the toddler couldn't get to the baby.

I had a slightly smaller gap between dc1 and 2 and moved 800 miles, to a village in the middle of nowhere in a country where I didn't speak the language and didn't know anyone but DH and where childcare for under 3s is rare in rural areas, when dc1 was 22 months and I was heavily pregnant.

My advice is don't do that

But actually what I did do, which I would advise anyone to do, is stick the baby in a wrap sling and stick to dc1's routine.

We started toddlers group as soon as we found one, and kept going to them as soon as I could walk after my caesarean (DH drove us while he was on paternity, then I started driving 3 weeks post caesarean because at that point my DH returned to work and mother came to stay, which leads me to my last recommendation -

Don't let anyone come to stay in your home unless you are genuinely sure in the pit of your stomach and marrow of your bones they'll be helpful, undemanding, unintrusive, non judgemental and you'll be comfortable with them seeing you at your least dignified. I allowed myself to be guilted and emotionally blackmailed into accepting "help" I knew would be help in inverted commas, and it was a worse decision than moving abroad to a country where I didn't speak the language a couple of months before giving birth. A demanding houseguest who wants to hog your baby and boss you around and be waited on isn't helpful and can utterly ruin the newborn weeks. Baby plus toddler are easier than difficult adult houseguests. When I had dc3 I did so much better with two preschoolers, a baby and no "help" aside from DH!

Oh yes and travel cot or playpen in the living area to put the baby in, not the toddler, is invaluable.

If possible, have bedtime for the toddler without the baby. It's important that they have some alone time with you, they'll also feel less left out.

Try to make any changes in a small way, change one thing at a time to make it more manageable.

I had the same age gap, it could be hard at times and especially during feeding (and I bottle fed). I used to ask DS to sing me songs or show me toys, draw me pictures or sometimes I'd send him on a treasure hunt (find me something yellow, find me something with wheels). Distraction is the key to everything! And always have a bag packed so you can leave the house.

Don't overestimate how much you can get done in a day. You will be massively slowed down.

Don't leave the house to go to a park or anywhere outdoors without a buggy. Even previously reliable first borns can suddenly become bolters and you will need to put the baby, sling and all, into the buggy to chase after.

Maybe buy reins and keep them in the changing bag. Some people frown on them but they're better than a near miss with a car.

Don't underestimate how long it will take you to simply get out the door most days.

Try to get really organised about putting jackets, boots, mittens, hats, changing bag, and other outdoor stuff exactly where you'll need it all when you're trying to go somewhere.

Have a shower before your P leaves in the morning. Get him to enjoy dad and toddler time in the morning.

Wash the baby in the kitchen sink until well able to sit on his own. Don't attempt to wash both new baby and toddler in the bathtub together. You only have two hands, and babies have been known to poop in the bath. Bath time proper can be mum and me time for the toddler, or better still, dad and me time.

Be patient and mutter to yourself 'this too shall pass'.

I am going to pick up and look after a girl after school 2 hours once a week. What is the hourly rate at the moment? How much should I charge? Thank you for any advice.

You need to start a new thread about that, in Chat, @Weber2010

Solid advice and tips here. I found the first 6-8onths much easier than I thought (zero childcare/family assistance). But when baby is mobile, watch out!

Breastfeeding sessions - have toys handy for toddler (TV as backup).
Rearranging or rotating toys/play area to keep it fresh
Selection of toys (inexpensive small, second hand) for toddler from baby distributed one per day over the first week.

Make sure you get some time with just the toddler, even if five mins for a cuddle/story. Big loss for them, having to suddenly share you.

Good luck!

I am home with a 8 week old and 16 month baby. Eldest goes to nursery twice a week but that stops at the end of the month due to finances and I'm really anxious how I'll cope with no end in sight!!

So far I mange by:

Survive until nap time is the new mantra! Eldest naps at 12 for 2-3hrs so I get up and out in the morning and go to the park and a long walk, then it's home for lunch then a long nap. Once he's down I can spend time with the youngest, catch up on cleaning, eat myself etc etc. Then by the time he wakes it's not long till bed time.

Realisation that the young one just has to cry it out when the eldest needs seeing to. It's horrible but just the way it is.

Preparation. Batch cook, keep nappy bag topped up so you can grab and go, have everything you may need to hand, making sure bottles are clean and ready, snacks readily available for eldest of you need to keep them quiet for a bit. Have lots of grabby bits of food for you.

Shower yourself and eat before partner leaves the house or just early so that's done.

Know that some days will be a shit show and you will be feeding little one for most of the day.

Get a baby bath. When I've been on my own and they are both booting off I put them in the bath. It distracts them and chills them out a bit.