Sleep training? Yes or no?

[SunnySideUp2020]

Have you tried sleep training?
What did you use?
Did you get help from someone?

Did it work?

My DD sleep regression has been on for over a month now. She is 5 months today.
Wondering if i should sleep train or not?

She used to be a good sleeper before. Now wakes hourly and cries for boob. No shushing, patting, pacifier helps....

Sleep training isn’t cruel ffs. Fair enough if it’s not for you and your family but there’s zero evidence it’s actually harmful. Sleep deprivation is literal tortue and there’s no shame in trying to help everyone sleep better. I’ve also never actually heard of anyone these days doing actual CIO. Controlled crying (where you pop back to soothe at regular set intervals) can be very effective but it’s not recommended before 6 months. There are also more gentle sleep training methods but they are likely to take longer. It’s up to you what you want to try really, maybe do some research now and think about starting when baby is 6 months.

@LakeShoreD

Sleep training isn’t cruel ffs. Fair enough if it’s not for you and your family but there’s zero evidence it’s actually harmful. Sleep deprivation is literal tortue and there’s no shame in trying to help everyone sleep better. I’ve also never actually heard of anyone these days doing actual CIO. Controlled crying (where you pop back to soothe at regular set intervals) can be very effective but it’s not recommended before 6 months. There are also more gentle sleep training methods but they are likely to take longer. It’s up to you what you want to try really, maybe do some research now and think about starting when baby is 6 months.

In the US, CIO still a thing. My BIL and SIL did it at 8 weeks on the advice of their paediatrician.

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiencs.
CIO isn't my thing unfortunately. I'd rather wake every hour than listened to her cry even 2 minutes.
We currently co sleep...

She takes normL naps during the day. Goes to sleep very easily at night at around 7pm and wakes at 7 or 8am. Just wakes up for boob every hour 🥲

So really not sure how to approach this.
I will try to start some formula so that DP can help at night ...

And will see after 6 months how we are all doing

@Hardbackwriter

I think sleep training can be massively beneficial to families. There is absolutely no evidence that it's harmful, regardless of what posters on here will tell you. It also categorically doesn't 'just teach them that no one will come', as anyone with a baby or child who was sleep trained and sleeps through unless they're ill/teething/have a nightmare etc will tell you - they still call mum and dad then, so of course they still understand that they're there and will come.

Having said all of that, I do think five months is too young.

@Hardbackwriter

As a person who lives with someone who actively practices sleep training, I can tell you that their baby no longer relies on their parents to come to them. However, when I babysit, their child looks at me adoringly. Because I actually respond to their baby.

They even actively ignore my 3-year-old son when he cries and is in hysterics, even though I've told them I don't agree with their practices. It is not okay to ignore anyone's child, especially your own.

In the US, CIO still a thing. My BIL and SIL did it at 8 weeks on the advice of their paediatrician
I lived in the US until my eldest with 3.5, knew loads of people with young kids obviously and we obviously had a paediatrician and I’ve still NEVER heard of anyone doing CIO. CC with a 4MO because of the short maternity leave yes, but CIO with a newborn, definitely not. That’s really shocking, if a paediatrician had suggested that to me I would have changed practice.

@SunnySideUp2020

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiencs. CIO isn't my thing unfortunately. I'd rather wake every hour than listened to her cry even 2 minutes. We currently co sleep...

She takes normL naps during the day. Goes to sleep very easily at night at around 7pm and wakes at 7 or 8am. Just wakes up for boob every hour 🥲

So really not sure how to approach this.
I will try to start some formula so that DP can help at night ...

And will see after 6 months how we are all doing

If LO is waking that often for a feed do you think it's for comfort or because they are hungry? See if you can comfort back to sleep without the feed but if they are hungry might be worth introducing a long dream feed or encouraging more feeds in the day?

@LakeShoreD

In the US, CIO still a thing. My BIL and SIL did it at 8 weeks on the advice of their paediatrician I lived in the US until my eldest with 3.5, knew loads of people with young kids obviously and we obviously had a paediatrician and I’ve still NEVER heard of anyone doing CIO. CC with a 4MO because of the short maternity leave yes, but CIO with a newborn, definitely not. That’s really shocking, if a paediatrician had suggested that to me I would have changed practice.

www.tribecapediatrics.com/previsit/2-month-visit/

We've used sleep training in various forms depending on age/reason for regression and found it very effective if you are consistent.

Whilst 5 months is too young for sleep training you might want to look in to things like a comforter/leaving it longer before you offer the breast (have a look at the 'sleep wave')/giving baby a chance to self settle again (I'm talking a couple of minutes not long periods).

We did the pick up/put down shush/pat method in the Baby Whisperer book by Tracey Hogg.

Before that I fed/slept on demand and I had a very cranky baby. After following the EASY (eat, activity, sleep, you) routine my baby was so much happier! We did it with our first from 6 months.

With my other babies I pretty much followed this routine from day 1. It worked with my second, but not so much with our third. Still, 2/3 isn’t bad odds! It was trickier with DC 3 as often he had to fit around his older sisters and their drop off/pick up times.

I'm in the US and go to Tribeca Pediatrics . I didn't sleep train at 8 weeks though, you don't have to. I might weaned and waited until he was a bit older. They actually work with you an an appropriate sleep plan for your baby.

I'd make sure you've got appropriate wake windows and have a solid nighttime routine in place. Plus make sure that their room is pitch black, use white noise etc.

I followed a lot of the advice here: https://instagram.com/bonnenuitbaby?utmmmedium=copylink

It was recommended by my Doula and I found it very helpful.

As a person who lives with someone who actively practices sleep training, I can tell you that their baby no longer relies on their parents to come to them. However, when I babysit, their child looks at me adoringly. Because I actually respond to their baby.

They even actively ignore my 3-year-old son when he cries and is in hysterics, even though I've told them I don't agree with their practices. It is not okay to ignore anyone's child, especially your own.

Since you describe these people as neglectful both day and night I don't know why you think you can pinpoint the sleep training as the issue in their relationship? I am absolutely confident that sleep training alone won't cause a baby to have no bond with their parent, mostly because of the three year old who was sleep trained at 8 months who is currently lying across my lap and who regularly grabs my face and says 'I love you SO MUCH mummy'. I am very confident that he knows I go to him when he needs me (and indeed when he doesn't need me and just wants me to look at a 'very int'resting stone').

We never did it as we don't agree with it.

@Hardbackwriter

As a person who lives with someone who actively practices sleep training, I can tell you that their baby no longer relies on their parents to come to them. However, when I babysit, their child looks at me adoringly. Because I actually respond to their baby.

They even actively ignore my 3-year-old son when he cries and is in hysterics, even though I've told them I don't agree with their practices. It is not okay to ignore anyone's child, especially your own.

Since you describe these people as neglectful both day and night I don't know why you think you can pinpoint the sleep training as the issue in their relationship? I am absolutely confident that sleep training alone won't cause a baby to have no bond with their parent, mostly because of the three year old who was sleep trained at 8 months who is currently lying across my lap and who regularly grabs my face and says 'I love you SO MUCH mummy'. I am very confident that he knows I go to him when he needs me (and indeed when he doesn't need me and just wants me to look at a 'very int'resting stone').

@Hardbackwriter

I never said they were neglectful - I said they ignore their child when they cry, and my own. In every other aspect, they are fantastic parents to their children and I cannot fault them in any other regard.

It’s not for me.
I’ve had 3 crappy sleepers.
DC1 slept through consistently from about 20 months, but before that was up at least twice a night.
DC2 didn’t sleep through at all until he was 4.
DC3 is almost 2 and has slept through the night a handful of times.
Even with that, I still couldn’t bring myself to sleep train. I figure that sleep is developmental, just like walking and talking. They all crack it in their own time.

I never did it, just felt wrong to me.

All this controversy as it's a very personal choice and you have to consider yourself and the baby along with your belief to decide what you are happy with.
Remember that the aim is to help your baby or toddler understand that if they wake Unexpectedly in the night they are safe and can just lie down and go back to sleep by themselves. And therefore improve both your and their sleep.
Anyone with a toddler will easily inform you that they will cry with frustration at all manner of impossible things, so crying is not fundamentally a problem in the short term. On the other hand, if your child really has something wrong that they need your help, for example too hot or thirsty, or vomited etc then you would need to understand that and help.
On to our personal story, we were co sleeping and getting kicked in the face constantly by our 15ish month old, then we did what we needed to do to get him to understand it was fine to sleep on his own. Now he often wakes for a few seconds, gives a cry or looks around, then lies back down. In the morning he is a lot less tired nowadays, as are we!
There's no medal for sacrificing yourself and the whole families sleep, and good luck.

No. You wouldn't leave an older person with dementia who didn't know where you were when outside the room to cry at night. What's the difference with a child? They are 24 hour beings, and night waking is part of the job.

Having said that my main reason for never trying is that it doesn't work. It only works until they're next teething or sick or going through a leap, and then you have to start from scratch again.

They all sleep eventually.

“Now wakes hourly and cries for boob. No shushing, patting, pacifier helps....”

I’m no expert but I think they call this hungry…

We did not start any sleep training until about 8/9 months when I was literally on my knees. However I followed two techniques gradual withdrawal and gradual retreat. Both quite slow and gentle with flexibility to follow the babies needs. We bought the book 'teach your child to sleep' by the Millpond Clinic. Best book we ever bought!!!

Having said that my main reason for never trying is that it doesn't work. It only works until they're next teething or sick or going through a leap, and then you have to start from scratch again.

That wasn't the case for us. We did gradual retreat and it was a one-time thing; it's now 2.5 years later.

I actually don't know anyone who sleep trained and did have to continually repeat it - the only time I've seen people say you need to do it again after each bout of teething is people who are opposed to sleep training in principle and so didn't do it themselves. I'm not saying it never happens but I'm not convinced it's all that common.

We did at 13 months to help her get to sleep by herself. Not CIO but a more gradual approach. There were some tears though, I don't see how you sleep train without a bit. Any earlier didn't feel right to us because of that, although it is different for everyone.

I sleep trained mine at 9 months old.

5 months is too young in my opinion.

@YukoandHiro

No. You wouldn't leave an older person with dementia who didn't know where you were when outside the room to cry at night. What's the difference with a child? They are 24 hour beings, and night waking is part of the job.

Having said that my main reason for never trying is that it doesn't work. It only works until they're next teething or sick or going through a leap, and then you have to start from scratch again.

They all sleep eventually.

@YukoandHiro

I couldn't agree more with this. You would not leave an elderly person to cry no matter what their state of capacity, and if you would then you have issues.

I sleep trained my daughter at 6 months old and that's the best thing I ever did. It took one single night and she's been a fantastic sleeper ever since. I did not leave her to cry on her own though. She was sleeping in a cot next to me. I kept my hand on her tummy the whole time and spoke to her from time to time so she knew I was there. I just didn't pick her up. It was hard not to give in because she was crying for 2 hours. But I was amazed the next night when she slept through the night and every night after. I don't regret doing it. It meant I was not exhausted when going back to work and I also think it benefited her to learn to self settle back to sleep.