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Original poster

Father Christmas

35 replies

PlanetTeaTime · 11/09/2021 12:00

Ok so I don't have to worry too much at the moment because my daughter is on a baby but what are your thoughts on Father Christmas?

I really don't want to lie to my daughter but is it unfair of me not to?

My mum lied to me but she was rubbish at it and I figured it out from a very young age. Which is almost worse to be honest.

Thoughts please?

Particularly want to hear from the parents that feel uncomfortable with the lying? What did you do?

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rosydreams · 11/09/2021 12:26

well its like the tooth fairy for me i always said the tooth fairy would come for her teeth but never said who she was ,i didn't lie.When my daughter started asking questions i said the tooth fairy will only come if you want that.She said does that mean shes a lie.I said what did you feel when you found the money in the morning.She said i felt happy and i said thats the point.Yes i am the tooth fairy like my mum before me we all did this to make our children happy.And when you baby sister is older you will get to be a tooth fairy to and make her happy.She was very excited at that premise .As soon as my daughter started asking questions thats when i answered truthfully

PumpkinKlNG · 11/09/2021 12:28

I didn’t plan on making my children believe so I never mentioned him or made any reference to him bringing presents etc however my dc came out of school telling me Father Christmas brings the presents so I didn’t really have the heart to say no he doesn’t so had to go along with it

PlanDeRaccordement · 11/09/2021 12:32

Well for us, Father Christmas is not part of our culture. So our children knew from earliest that he was not real. We told them that today parents buy the gifts in honour of Saint Nicholas who was real a long time ago in Holland and started the tradition of giving children gifts for Christmas. Also that some parents play pretend with their children that St Nicholas is still giving the gifts as Father Christmas, so to stay quiet and play along if a school mate or friend says Father Christmas is real.

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VaricoseVera · 11/09/2021 13:07

We've always 'done' Father Christmas. Both DH and I were brought up in families where Santa brought the gifts.

I believed until I was old enough to start questioning it and then my parents were honest, but it never upset me. If anything I look back and appreciate the efforts they went to, to bring that magic into our home at Christmas, and I'm enjoying doing the same now for my own DC Smile

TeenMinusTests · 11/09/2021 15:45

We adopted our DC (then aged 2 & 8).
We promised we wouldn't ever lie to them.
DD1 believed in FC.

So, we didn't say 'FC comes with presents' we said 'we will put stockings out downstairs in the conservatory, and DH will check when he goes to bed. If they are full he will bring them up and put them outside your door'.
With DD2 we did the same as everyone else told her FC brought presents etc. We didn't say he was real, but we didn't proactively say he wasn't either.

We kept it very simple - stockings only - no big presents. Once you start big presents you get into 'why does he bring rich children more?' which then leads into convolutions like sending money, or making FC out to be an amazon delivery driver....
DD1 had a whole story in her head why FC hadn't come for her first years, and then she had loads for 2 years in foster care.

Christmas for us is about family, including family presents, traditions, decorations. We don't need big presents from FC or elves on shelves to make it special.

(Our stockings also only have about 8 things: character shirt, annual/magazine, choc coins, small toys / bubble bath / perfume etc. Nothing pricey.)

Original poster
PlanetTeaTime · 11/09/2021 15:50

@PlanDeRaccordement that's a really nice way to go about it

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PlanetTeaTime · 11/09/2021 15:53

@TeenMinusTests that's very sweet. I would really like it if Christmas wasn't all about presents for my daughter too. This is nice thanks for sharing

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TeenMinusTests · 11/09/2021 16:06

Obviously presents are fab, don't get me wrong. But being able to thank Mum&Dad, or Gran&Grandad, is to my mind important. We also spread them out during the day, partly to keep the fun, and partly to stop them getting overwhelmed.

FriedasCarLoad · 11/09/2021 16:13

I know many families who, like us, try never to lie to their children as a matter of principle. (Christians).

Most have done as we have started to (our children are young). Have Father Christmas stories and stockings and so on, but make it clear that it's a game and a made up story.

The children still get the fun of it, without parents having to lie to them.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 11/09/2021 17:37

Same here like raconde We remember St. Nikolaus bishop of Myra by giving sweets to children on the 6th, and remember Jesus by giving presents because of the wise men and their gifts on the 24th Dec. (around the time when the year turns and the light = hope comes back).
That also answers the question why the distribution of gifts in not fair.
Children learn about Christian and non-Christian celebrations / traditions in Kindergarten, including the Father Christmas story.

DappledThings · 11/09/2021 17:44

We do the stockings thing and leaving out a carrot and a mince pie. But that is all FC brings. Never pretended any other presents are from any one other than who they are from. They go out under the tree as soon as they are bought/delivered/wrapped and the tree is up.

So yes, we do lie to them for the pantomime but they do love it. 5 and 3 at the moment.

Seems like a much bigger deal when people claim all presents are from FC or delivered by him. Until I was on MN I never knew anyone dis this. I'd seen it in films and thought it was just a weird thing made up for films, not anything anyone did in real life!

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 11/09/2021 18:07

I don't see it as lying per se, I think children enjoying something magical is a lovely thing to behold. We only do the stocking from Father Christmas, DCs still hang one up on Christmas eve and it is full by morning, my sons are 18 and 15.

Presents are from us, other family members and token gifts from friends, that way they know who to thank for spending the time choosing and wrapping.

You will come to realise that "lying" is a whole spectrum, especially when it comes to children asking questions.

Whathefisgoingon · 11/09/2021 18:09

I don’t see it as lying either. It’s meant to be magical, and it gets the imagination going.

We will be doing it. Some of our fondest family memories are the build up to Christmas etc

cheeseismydownfall · 12/09/2021 11:59

OP, I was in your position 12 years ago.

I have two siblings who are quite a bit older than me, so I don't think I every literally believed in FC. My parents certainly didn't try to encourage me to. We still followed the wonderful traditions though like the mince pie and carrot, and I found Christmas a truly magical time. I think as adults we forget that children are much better than us at embracing make believe, and blurring fantasy and reality.

So, I didn't have any intention of actually going all in with FC, based on my own experiences. When DC1 asked me (aged about 3 I think) if he was real, without thinking too much I explained that it was a lovely tradition but not actually really etc. DC was happy and conversation moved on.

When I casually mentioned it to a good (generally sensible) friend a day or two later, she was HORRIFIED. And I mean properly appalled. At first I thought she was joking. I then sounded out a few more people and had similar reactions. Everyone I spoke to took FC VERY seriously. It became apparent that if my DC started babbling away about FC not being real it would be a very, very big deal. So I sort of back tracked and since then took a FC Lite kind of approach - FC brings stockings and we do the mince pie etc but I didn't deliberately try and make it a bigger deal than it is.

All three DC seemed happy and figured it out at an early age anyway.

So I just wanted to warn you that if you go down the honesty route be prepared for serious pushback from other parents, and heaven help you if your DC spills the beans any earlier than around age 8!

Antsinyourpanta · 12/09/2021 12:05

I see it a bit differently. For children we always encourage imagination and lots of children like playing "make believe" that their toys can talk or come to life, or they might have an imaginary friend. I think Father Christmas/Tooth Fairy are kind of an extension of that make believe world that adults can join in with as well.

Floralnomad · 12/09/2021 12:07

We always did FC as a story , nothing to do with not wanting to lie just because that’s how we chose to do it . We did all the going to see FC etc and our children knew from a young age not to say to others that FC wasn’t real etc . I don’t get this idea that FC is the thing that makes Christmas magical , we love Christmas as do our now grown up children and we still have the same great Christmas that we have always had .

HungryHippo11 · 12/09/2021 12:21

Absolutely agree with this. We have a stocking from FC and then the other gifts from grandma, auntie or whoever. So that my kids can say thank you. And also so that they can buy gifts for other people without questioning it.

Tulips15 · 12/09/2021 12:23

@VaricoseVera

We've always 'done' Father Christmas. Both DH and I were brought up in families where Santa brought the gifts.

I believed until I was old enough to start questioning it and then my parents were honest, but it never upset me. If anything I look back and appreciate the efforts they went to, to bring that magic into our home at Christmas, and I'm enjoying doing the same now for my own DC Smile

This!
HungryHippo11 · 12/09/2021 12:26

@FriedasCarLoad

I know many families who, like us, try never to lie to their children as a matter of principle. (Christians).

Most have done as we have started to (our children are young). Have Father Christmas stories and stockings and so on, but make it clear that it's a game and a made up story.

The children still get the fun of it, without parents having to lie to them.

Thats interesting because we do Father Christmas. And when I read my children the traditional Christmas story I "made it clear that its a game and a made up story" - because it is, in my opinion.

However I would tell them that some people believe the story of Jesus is real and to respect that. I hope you tell your kids that although FC is made up, some children believe he is real and they need to respect that.

WhatHappenedToTheLego · 12/09/2021 12:26

It's not lying, it's joining in with fantasy. You don't have to be rigid and black and white about it, it's part of being playful with your child.

Surely it's just one aspect of something you are naturally doing all the time?

I told my 10 year old the cat had chosen and wrapped her a birthday present the other week (the cat always remembers everyone's birthdays without fail).

She knew that couldn't really have happened (she's 10, as I said). Or she knew I was "lying to her" if you prefer.

She didn't accuse me angrily of lying. She smiled, thanked the cat, asked him how he had known just what to choose, and informed me he had tucked my contactless credit card down his "socks" to transport it to the shop, and had called in at the pet shop on the way home to buy himself a packet of cat treats.

ParkheadParadise · 12/09/2021 12:32

@VaricoseVera

We've always 'done' Father Christmas. Both DH and I were brought up in families where Santa brought the gifts.

I believed until I was old enough to start questioning it and then my parents were honest, but it never upset me. If anything I look back and appreciate the efforts they went to, to bring that magic into our home at Christmas, and I'm enjoying doing the same now for my own DC Smile

Same in our house.
Gorl · 12/09/2021 12:49

I do find parents who call Father Christmas a ‘lie’ hard to understand. It indicates very little room for magic / imagination / make believe etc. If your child came to you and said ‘there’s a unicorn in the garden!’ would you say ‘stop lying, unicorns aren’t real’?

Anyway - obviously it’s up to you! But if you’re not going to participate please do raise your child not to be one of the mean little horrors who delight in informing other children in their class that Father Christmas isn’t real. I’ve seen it done and it’s so awful for the kids who do believe and have that magic taken from them before they’ve outgrown it.

ShowOfHands · 12/09/2021 12:59

My nephew believes I can take off my thumb. I'm not lying to him, I'm being playful.

We've always done FC lite. He brings a stocking and everything else is from whomever wrote the label. My eldest didn't really believe but my youngest does and it's quite lovely tbh. My parents made a sort of effort at telling us he was real but also took us along when they collected presents from family, clearly labelled and they then put them in sacks on the 24th while we slept, labels still on. There was no pretence, only a ritual and I suppose looking back, it would have been nice to just once experience that belief in magic that I see in DS's eyes on Christmas morning.

That said, I do sort of believe. I stand in my garden on the 24th of December when everybody is asleep and it feels like the air is crackling with anticipation. It's one of my happiest moments of the year. It feels special. So yes, maybe I believe in Christmas. And that's a nice feeling. I hope that even when DS knows the truth, he still believes in Christmas iyswim.

purpleme12 · 12/09/2021 13:12

@DappledThings

We do the stockings thing and leaving out a carrot and a mince pie. But that is all FC brings. Never pretended any other presents are from any one other than who they are from. They go out under the tree as soon as they are bought/delivered/wrapped and the tree is up.

So yes, we do lie to them for the pantomime but they do love it. 5 and 3 at the moment.

Seems like a much bigger deal when people claim all presents are from FC or delivered by him. Until I was on MN I never knew anyone dis this. I'd seen it in films and thought it was just a weird thing made up for films, not anything anyone did in real life!

Exactly I never knew some people did all the presents from father Christmas till I grew up. I think this is very strange Of course the child can thank whoever gave them presents because father Christmas brings the ones in the stockings. And other people give presents which are obviously from them. So stocking presents can be as expensive or inexpensive as you like
purpleme12 · 12/09/2021 13:13

@WhatHappenedToTheLego

It's not lying, it's joining in with fantasy. You don't have to be rigid and black and white about it, it's part of being playful with your child.

Surely it's just one aspect of something you are naturally doing all the time?

I told my 10 year old the cat had chosen and wrapped her a birthday present the other week (the cat always remembers everyone's birthdays without fail).

She knew that couldn't really have happened (she's 10, as I said). Or she knew I was "lying to her" if you prefer.

She didn't accuse me angrily of lying. She smiled, thanked the cat, asked him how he had known just what to choose, and informed me he had tucked my contactless credit card down his "socks" to transport it to the shop, and had called in at the pet shop on the way home to buy himself a packet of cat treats.

God I love this