When you disagree with punishments given by the other parent

[HeyGirlHeyBoy]

Huge row in our home yesterday evening. Overtired ds 9 had to go with dh somewhere he doesn't usually because I was going out. He resisted to the point of trying to hide in the house and he delayed things and all in all caused a lot of upset. Eventually, 15 maybe 20 minutes later I talked him round and he went out to the car disgusted. While we were trying to get him out the door, dh threatened him with every sanction he could think of - all of which made him more mad with his dad and has no bearing on him going but when I got home they had all been put in place plus another harsher one so that basically every plan for the weekend is now gone including a special planned trip for dh and ds, not mentioned during the whole debacle. Ds can be v headstrong and defiant at times, it's not easy but I think the desire to punish is over the top but can say nothing. Do I just leave it go now, which I think I must or how would others feel?

My dad would dish out disproportionate punishments like this and my mum would feel she had to support him/form a united front. As a result I don’t have a very close relationship at all with either of them.

This might sound heartless but you can’t fix your son’s relationship with his dad, however you can work on yours with your son.

PairofPears exactly this.

Looking back I often wonder WHY my mother didn't step in.

Well tbh our own relationship is not on good ground, and this attitude hasn't helped. I don't need to work on my relationship with my son, we are incredibly close. Trouble is, he is well aware just from how we deal with things that I see things differently to his dad which understandably dh hates and isn't ideal.

Sorry, didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t have a great relationship with your son, I’m sure you do. Poor wording!

9 seems quite old to be doing that, so I can see why DH lost his rag a bit.

Thanks PairofPears, I probably sounded defensive there but I'm upset at what has happened with dh and ds and feel somewhat responsible for not being able to improve things but one thing is for sure, it's all about the relationship with me for him at least.

Yes it's very poor behaviour at 9 but sometimes I wonder if he didn't see his dad getting so het up woukd he be more easy going himself....

And after all that both the sports and the screen time is back, without any chat etc. So completely and utterly pointless.

@HeyGirlHeyBoy

And after all that both the sports and the screen time is back, without any chat etc. So completely and utterly pointless.

I'm not surprised your son is acting up. He must be bloody confused

@HeyGirlHeyBoy

And after all that both the sports and the screen time is back, without any chat etc. So completely and utterly pointless.

Oh dear. He must see that's not going to have the parenting results he wants....

I'm going to talk to him tonight after bedtime but really I'm like a broken record for years..

Maybe ur ds won’t pull anything like this again such as hiding when one parent has to be somewhere. If so then dh has succeeded.

@InnPain

Maybe ur ds won’t pull anything like this again such as hiding when one parent has to be somewhere. If so then dh has succeeded.

RTFT, the punishments have been rescinded with no discussion. What DS will have learned is that daddy has no backbone and likes threatening.