DD (17) is very unhappy and she does not accept any offer of help

[TheNewKaren]

My DD has been increasingly unhappy for quite some time. She is telling me, nothing makes her happy, she does not like to do any activities, on holiday she does not want to leave the hotel room, she prefers to sit at home all the time. I totally get it that it may be easier for her to speak to somebody else, but she does not want to do this either. I set up counselling for her, but she has to attend the sessions and she is not doing this. I am probably talking too much, and I’m probably not saying the right things. I don’t know what to do. Our lives revolve around this and this is consuming all her live, her engergy all our engergy and all our lives. How can I persuade her to get the help she needs?

@douliket Everything you say completely resonates with me and my worries about her. How did you achieve a diagnosis? Did you go to the GP on your own to discuss the situation or did you DD come along? Was she in shock and upset to be diagnosed autistic?

@douliket How are you approaching uni?

Also - what works for your DD if she is upset / confused? How can you keep her calm?

* She is making an issue out of everything and finding reasons for being unwell every minute of the day and making me run around after her, fetching her things, making her breakfast, running her errands and finding things she might want to eat / or not.*

How does she “make” you run around around her?
Seriously OP. I think you do need to wrestle back some control here.

* And please don’t suggest I should just go swimming and leave her by herself. She will then simply get up and walk away and make me search for her everywhere to ensure I won’t ever do this again.*

So? You’ve been for your swim. You’ve enjoyed it.

She’s 17. If she walks off and hides from you. Get yourself a coffee, read a magazine and wait for her call.

And surely she won’t go off on her own as you’ve said she hates being outdoors and doesn’t want to be apart from you

@TheNewKaren I often read posts where people ask for advice on their dc behaviour and see others suggesting ASD, it almost exclusively results in an eye roll because literally nothing written by the op even remotely suggests ASD.

However, OP, your dd sounds as though she has reached an autistic burn out.

My ds2 went to bed aged 19 and stayed there for 3 years. He got up at night to sort out some food in the kitchen. He had been working after school but decided he was too tired. I didn't have time to run round after him, as I worked full time. Eventually he realised this was getting him nowhere, got up, got a job and never looked back. He's got a wife, DC, a house and a mortgage now.

Just leave it, OP. You'll make yourself ill.

Op I thought your name rang a bell

I remember you’re frightening thread about your ex

You daughter frozen in fear about her father finding you and the children.

Could this all be linked to thag?

@Dillydollydingdong

My ds2 went to bed aged 19 and stayed there for 3 years. He got up at night to sort out some food in the kitchen. He had been working after school but decided he was too tired. I didn't have time to run round after him, as I worked full time. Eventually he realised this was getting him nowhere, got up, got a job and never looked back. He's got a wife, DC, a house and a mortgage now.

How old is he now?

You have done all you can re persuading and it hasn't worked. I would try the please yourself route. Don't want to come out of your room then don't. Why has the GP has turned down a request for counselling. You are going to end up being ill yourself at this rate. Your DD is leading you a merry dance.

oftenithinkaboutit he's 37!

Does she want counselling?
I’m a psychotherapist and work with a lot of teenagers. We often face an issue where a parent is suggesting it to the child but the child isn’t ready/doesn’t want it and then has a negative experience or reaction to it.

Sorry if you have already said but why can't you do things without her? Do you have other dc whose lives her behaviour impacts on?

@jendifer we already have a counsellor. Should you be canvassing for business here?

Sorry! I meant does she want counselling (ie has said “I want to see a counsellor) or do you want her to have counselling? I wasn’t sure from your OP who was driving it, and my concern was that if she wasn’t the driving force behind it then she may struggle to engage fully.