Teenage Daughter Phone Invasion

[ParryHotter85]

My teenage daughter has slept at her friends house. Her friends mum has telephoned me as she has some screenshots of some messages between my daughter and another friend.

The messages were just basically my daughter was worried and thought her friend was going to look better than her at her party.

The thing is this friend has waited until my daughter has fallen asleep and gone through days worth of messages between my daughter and her other friend and took photos of them on her phone.

My daughter feels her privacy has been invaded.

They only really have each other though and I'm worried if they fall out, my daughter may struggle at her second year in high school without one close friend.

Any advice?

Agree with @SuperCaliFragalistic

I know you're worried about her not having a friend at school but with friends like her who needs enemies.

I wouldn't blow up about this though and make school awkward for her but I would very gently encourage her to make new friendships with people who are much kinder and more trustworthy.

Oh, and I'd also add, the fact that the mother has reacted in this bonkers way means the girl will never change. This is more than just petty teenage drama, she's learning that this is ok from her mother's behaviour.

@lobsteroll

Oh, and I'd also add, the fact that the mother has reacted in this bonkers way means the girl will never change. This is more than just petty teenage drama, she's learning that this is ok from her mother's behaviour.

What do you mean by the fact shes phoned me about it?

@BingBongToTheMoon

So the girl your DD had a sleepover with raked through your DD’s phone and screenshot a lot of stuff and sent them to her mum as “incriminating evidence”. Then her mum sent them to you?

Well they’re both a pair of bullying bitches and that would be that friendship done and dusted!

The girl is clearly trying to get DD into trouble one way or another.

^This! It is so clearly an invasion of privacy and violation of your DDs trust that her “friend” did this. She is no friend and her mother isn’t realising her own daughter did wrong. Your DD needs to drop her friend ASAP. This will only get worse for her.

@ParryHotter85 yes I just think the fact that the mum is perpetuating the drama means that it's likely the daughter will just end up like this as she grows up because she just thinks it's normal

Can you afford a better phone? With either thumbprint or Face ID? Then nobody will see her pin going in as she won’t need to do that.

Other than that, the mother is unhinged and the friend is more of a frenemy.

I'm another one struggling to understand this.

Why did the mum phone you? What did she say? If my daughter stayed up half the night looking through her friend's phone, I'd give her a bollocking and wouldn't tell anyone. Was her mum apologising? Blaming your daughter?

@HollowTalk

I'm another one struggling to understand this.

Why did the mum phone you? What did she say? If my daughter stayed up half the night looking through her friend's phone, I'd give her a bollocking and wouldn't tell anyone. Was her mum apologising? Blaming your daughter?

She hasn't bollocked her she was saying on the phone she is going to try and find out why she has done it because you dont just sit at 12 years old at 2.30am scrolling through someone's phone.

She is basically saying there must be a reason shes done it.

Oh so the mum thinks there's a back story and realises her daughter has issues and is giving you the heads up? Or asking if you know WTF is going on? That sounds like the mum isn't unhinged but realises her daughter has a problem and is worried.

This is A LOT different to your original OP and probably should have been clarified earlier. Your daughter probably knows what's going on and why her mate is invading her privacy. Doesn't make it OK but your DD knows more than you know.

Oh! Your most recent post is also very different to my initial understanding as well.

I totally take back what I said earlier about the mum being a drama llama 🤣🤣

I got the wrong end of the stick, I thought she was cross with your daughter and wanted you to do something about it.

I would have asked the mother why she thinks it's appropriate her daughter reads other peoples private messages

UPDATE

If anyone can help, I haven't slept and my anxiety is through the roof.

DD was on the phone to her boy best friend last night and I heard them talking, she was explaining the incident and stated she no longer wants to be friends with someone who has invaded her privacy and I respect her decision. Its her choice.

I heard her boy best friend state that said girl tells lies and causes trouble and that she actually said in the past to him and another boy that she had been r@ped and later down the line said it was a joke

I dont know what to do.

I'd encourage your DD to keep her distance - the other girl is not a friend. Apart from that, I wouldn't do anything. Unless she starts to tells lies about your DD or does anything else that needs your intervention, I'd stay well away from the girl and her mum.

@JacquelineCarlyle

I'd encourage your DD to keep her distance - the other girl is not a friend. Apart from that, I wouldn't do anything. Unless she starts to tells lies about your DD or does anything else that needs your intervention, I'd stay well away from the girl and her mum.

Thanks. Its really affected me seeing how upset my daughter has been and now feels like she has lost her only girl friend.

I suppose this is only the start with going into Year 8 and having a teenage girl

She'll find her tribe eventually - don't stress too much and if she has other good friends, it doesn't matter that they're boys. She'll be ok as she has you in her corner. Try not to stress too much.