How to take baby out when all they do is cry?

[MikeWozniaksGloriousTache]

2 week old baby I know it’s early days but I also know I need to get out the bloody house. The only problem is she screams every time she is put down. I can’t do slings / carriers due to back pain and she just screams whenever she is in her pram. She’s fed, changed, winded etc. Possibly bit of trapped wind but has been on infacol for a few days. Sometimes even when she is being held she screams, I think this because she wants to comfort suck / cluster feed but that’s all she wants to do and it’s not sustainable. She was physically on the breast for 6 hours yesterday none stop, every time she either removed herself or I removed her from flutter sucking she screamed. My DP will be back at work soon and I’ll have to get out the house twice w day to take the dog out. Please don’t berate me if I’m missing something I’m already feeling shit as I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.

Ach it's tough, OP. First things first, it might be worth speaking to your HV and asking about things like reflex/CMPA. All the babies I've known who were very unhappy and crying constantly had one of those two things. Babies cry but IME constant crying isn't usual and is often indicative of something else going on. Is she gaining weight well?

It's tough. A close friend had an undiagnosed CMPA baby at the same time I had DD and he screamed all the time, wherever we went. She had to leave classes, cafes, etc because he just wouldn't stop, so I can imagine how wearing it is.

Have you tried a dummy? My DD never took to them, but if she is a real comfort sucker it might give you a bit of a break.

First off congratulations! You're doing great

Spending hours on the breast cluster feeding was my experience too and everything I read/frantically googled said it was normal as it's part of building up your supply and them having growth spurts! Sorry if you already know, but this website was/is really helpful for me:

kellymom.com/hot-topics/newborn-nursing/

I think maybe twice a day might be a bit hard, can your partner do a walk before he goes to work so you only need to do one long lunch walk? Then you can go together in the evening once he's back. It's so hard in those early days!! Does she keep screaming once you start walking? Sometimes mine would start off screaming so I'd play white noise on my phone and walk very vigorously up and down my street so I was still near enough home to give up but also giving them a chance to calm down.

and for you, no-one knows wtf they are doing!!

Of course you need to get out of the house!
Put her in the pram and go. You might find the speed of walking makes a difference, some babies like a bumpy ride! She's 2 weeks old, so you need to know that what she seems to like may change, fairly frequently, AND she needs to fit in to your life/routine. Parents of second babies know this, first time mums don't always. A lot of it is about your confidence, and getting into routines/habits. She will get used to it.
It might be worth trying a different sling, btw.
As far as the 6 hours feeding is concerned, that's well within the range of normal. I've spent 12 hours a day feeding (DS1 was a nightmare, and a really slow feeder) and breastfed babies often have days where you really don't do much other than feed all day- I believe it's to stimulate supply after they've had a growth spurt. Make sure you are eating and drinking plenty, and plan ahead for food/snacks etc so that you don't run out, so that there is no pressure on you to go out if you don't feel up for it. But it is good for your mental and physical health to get out, even if it's for a 30 min walk/run and the baby screams the whole way. She won't, though.

You’re missing nothing, you’re doing an amazing job

You do need to just pop her in the pram and go. Hopefully she settles down quickly once you’re on the move.

If she’s really unsettled for much longer might be worth a chat with the GP as a previous poster said regarding reflux/silent reflux/CMPA.

Thank you all. I was worried about just taking her out and letting her cry in case people judged or this was going to be damaging to her. I’m feeling quite overwhelmed with motherhood and have adhd so overthink everything right now.

Sadly DP works away (sometimes) and has jobs coming up end of September so I’m hoping by this point we will have gotten to a bit of a better place with the routine / crying.

Spoke to HV and no worries about allergies / CMPA as has gained back her birth weight plus extra. But will see if I can get a GP appointment when we’ve registered her tomorrow.

Thanks for the cluster feeding tips. I know it’s all fairly normal, but we struggle with a bad latch (I have an appointment on Friday at a breastfeeding clinic so hopefully this will help) and we do combi feeding so could have a possibly allergy / intolerance to the formula maybe. HV wasn’t great to be honest.

I’ve taken her out twice, once she was fine half way on the walk and cried half way home but I think that was bad timing my end as she needed changing / feeding.

2nd time she screamed all the way up the street so I retreated and came home out of embarrassment.

I’d love a sling tbh I’ve only tried a stretchy one and it wrecked my back, maybe a more structured one would be better.

I say she cries all the time, she doesn’t as she’s perfectly content now in dps arms she just hates being put down.

My baby screamed all the time, she had cmpa, she gained weight well because she fed a lot as comfort from the pain. It's worth considering.

Definitely try a different sling, I couldn't get on with the stretchy ones at all. Something more structured with a waist strap might work, do you have a sling library near you so you can try a couple out?

Gaining weight doesn't rule out CMPA in my bitter experience. Not trying to diagnose but don't let the GP or HV fob you off with that argument! Also it might be worth trying an Ergobaby sling. Also a dummy, if she's comfort sucking. Hang in there OP, I've been there so I can tell you that you'll survive!

Op, no berating going on here. Your baby is still tiny and being close to her special grown ups make her feel safe and comforted. However for the sake of your physical and mental health you cannot carry her around all the time.

As a pp suggested I would probably try a dummy, I do understand if you are not keen but sometimes it really does help. Take her out when she has been fed, ,changed and talk to her softly or sing to her. All very simple but with a new baby it can seem impossible. It isn't. You can do this. 💐

Mine all hated the pram, they didn't like to lie flat in it and would scream. I ended up using the car seat on the wheels so they weren't flat and a sling.
It's only been 2 weeks, you are doing really well. I used to go and stand in the garden and jiggle, just to not be in the house.
We gave Ds 2 a dummy at 6 weeks, he was a changed baby, he was in love with that thing and my days quietened down so much.

You're doing absolutely nothing wrong and this all sounds v normal! Feeding for so long can be normal, hating the pram to start with is quite normal too, as is it for a sling to hurt your back when your body is wrecked from pregnancy!! And the most normal part? That the baby shits themselves or starts screaming half way round a walk and you think everyone is judging you/looking at you!! They're not I promise. Some good suggestions here, and things will improve so so quickly. For now, eat something, make a big drink to take up and go to bed early with the baby, preferably taking a snack as BF is hungry work!!! If baby is happy with Dad maybe grab a shower first if you've not had time today. You're in the trenches as it were right now, it's early days and you're doing great

Don’t be embarrassed if you’re walking about with your baby screaming their head off in the pram. I guarantee most parents you encounter will have nothing but sympathy for you because most of us will have been there at some stage! Mine screamed constantly for the first 4 months of his life, fed non-stop and then finally a new health visitor came round, found us both crying and put him on lactose free formula. It was honestly like someone had swapped him. I’d been to the GP 6 times and was starting to feel like I was going insane because I kept being told nothing was wrong but I bloody well knew it wasn’t right.

Take care of yourself too, its early days and it’s bloody hard

Maybe try a dummy? I used to break clusters by giving a bottle of formula. Just one a day but God did it help. Also mine was a screamer but she always settled once we were out of the house. Something about the motion of the pram. Don't beat yourself up - no one has a clue what they are doing at that point. You're doing great xx

Oh yes and swaddling her in the pram always helped xx

You put them in the pram and let them scream… and hope it’ll stop lol
Good luck it’s hard! but won’t last forever.

That's terrible advice re the weight gain ruling out CMPA - utterly incorrect! You're doing great, it's super early days and I promise will get easier, but I wouldn't discount allergies.

Mine were both like this (allergies) but I was able to use a sling. I didn't use the pram at all with my second. Totally agree with the suggestions to try a soft structured carrier like an Ergo.

It will get better, but don't get fobbed off with rubbish advice, go with your gut instinct, and don't be worried about doing whatever she needs right now - fwiw, my mental health personally was saved by me carrying mine all the time - they didn't scream, I had my hands free to get on with my day, and I felt bonded with them! So whatever works for you both x

I had one of these and it is so so tough. He would maybe tolerate 30 minutes in the sling but screamed in the pram none stop like he was being tortured. He was only happy attached to my breast 24h a day. Had his tongue tie snipped, tried reflux meds, gave up dairy…there was nothing wrong with him. He just utterly hated being a newborn, especially a newborn without a boob in his mouth.

I can promise you nobody is judging you. I had a little group of dog walkers and retired people who asked me how I was (through the screaming baby) every time I attempted to venture out. Nobody made nasty comments or tutted - people generally are really kind to new mothers. In the meantime try and get yourself to a sling library to try and find one that suits your back. Otherwise just hold on, it does pass. I promise.

Congrats op!
I was also scared to go out and my Dr said to me, no one ever judges a crying baby because that's all they can do, people only look to see a new baby nothing else.
I found the bumpier ride the better!
Get her fed changed and happy and get yourself out.
I found walks in the newborn days kept me sane, it'll do you good.

Dummy. Best thing I ever did for my two. Both carried on breastfeeding well. No nipple confusion.

Definitely try a different sling. We have a baby bjorn move for my 4mo. I love it so much. The wrap slings were good when she was tiny but not for a long period of time.

OP, you've got this! Honestly the early days are so tough but I promise it isn't forever. It's definitely good to get out of the house but I think once a day should be your target for the next few weeks while she is so tiny. Again, like others have said, if she cries in the pram just keep going. Chances are she will settle and if she doesn't after 15 mins just head home and try again the next day.
It's important not to put too much pressure on yourself.

Regarding the feeding, I would just embrace the cluster feeding for now. Get yourself set up in bed or on the sofa with plenty of snacks, box set and a flask of tea. Enjoy it while she's so tiny. I know it's hard but it really doesn't last forever. Honestly, I actually miss the cluster feeding days!! It helps bonding and there's nowhere else she would rather be than close to you.

If the stretchy sling hurt your back it might not have been tight enough? It's worth trying other types as well but I'd try this too.

Hang in there. I have a 2 week old baby as well and he is so different to my others, they could be put down or handed to somebody else but this one only wants me. It is tiring but they are just building up your milk supply at this age. It will get better and feeds will get further apart.

The sling is the only way he copes with a walk at the moment, that or DH picking exactly the right time to take him out.

End of September is two lifetimes away for your baby. Things will almost definitely be different by then.

My DS was a screaming nightmare and DH also worked away, no local family support and a dog. It's really tough op.

I used to wear earplugs or listen to music (loudly) through earphones just to lessen the noise of the crying as it was stressing me out so much. I'd be cuddling DS and trying to sooth him but couldnt hear him as much. It helped me cope a bit. Maybe try it when you go out for a walk. You can still talk to her or sing when she is in the pram so she will know you're there

Dont be fobbed off by HV or GP.
DS was put on omeprazole for silent reflux at 3.5 months by lovely doctors at A&E (on advicd of HV when wait for consultant was weeks)
The difference within 4 days was incredible. Family couldnt believe it when they came round at christmas and he smiled and barely cried all day

Things I would try are

• a dummy
• a sling
• just pop her in the pram and go