Is this normal toddler behaviour or a side effect of lockdowns?

[MummaW88]

This is only my second time posting on here. My first post I received quite a lot of judgey comments (about a very innocent topic!) so I’m hoping I won’t regret posting this today.

I’m interested to know if anyone else is experiencing the same issues as me with their almost 2 year olds?

My daughter is 2 in December, meaning she was around 3 months old when the first Covid lockdown hit. As a result of subsequent lockdowns, restrictions, my returning to work but “from home”, she has spent the majority of her time with me/at home. As restrictions have lifted I’ve tried to get her out and about doing more/seeing more. But…

Whenever we go anywhere she just wants to be carried around (she has been walking since 10 months). She doesn’t want to play or run around (except for at our local park which she is very familiar with). Whenever I try to take her out to do anything fun (toddler groups, a new park, to do some crafts, to the farm) it results in major tears and tantrums. I’m trying to gently ease her into the world but 9 times out of 10 it results in a meltdown! She doesn’t like strangers talking to her (they say “hello!” And she says “no!”). Not super fussed about playing with other kids. I’m at my wits end. I feel like I need to persist so that she can get used to the world, but at the same time I feel like it’s pointless and she’s happier just sitting at home!

Are others with children of a similar age experiencing this? Is it just normal toddler behaviour, or is this the impact lockdowns have had. It doesn’t help that her sleeping has turned to absolute hell over the last couple of weeks. I’m tired, and frustrated, and fed up.

As I said, my only other experience of posting on here was not a positive one. If I’ve used a term you don’t like, or said something you don’t like, please, please, just scroll on by. I don’t need any negative or judgey comments, I’m already at my lowest. Just want some reassurance that I’m not alone! And any helpful advice on how to help my girl adjust to the big wide world.

Please tell me it gets better

I'm not an expert at all but I think this sounds fairly normal for her age, and the added effect of lockdowns etc may be compounding it. I remember my daughter went through a phase of not liking adult strangers talking to her and never seemed bothered about other kids when she went to toddler groups. But it was just that- a phase. We didn't push her into socialising if she didn't want to, and at about 3.5 she became super sociable and now barrels up to anyone and chats happily. Don't worry. It'll pass!
PS Re the tantrums- well, she is almost 2- totally developmentally normal - unfortunately!

It might just be her personality, my DD is a lockdown toddler too and isn’t like that. Also isn’t this peak separation anxiety phase so that may be playing a part in it too?

Oh OP please don't stress. I think a lot of this sounds like normal toddler behaviour! All they really need is you for the first couple of years anyway, the other extras are just nice to have!

They are all different, my DD has just turned 3 and has loved a playground since she could walk but she has little friends the same age who have never been down the slide. She would still be carried everywhere if she could - she loves cuddles - and will also tell strangers 'don't look at me!' if she's not in the mood to chat. So embarrassing! But I feel that she's a perfectly normal, happy, healthy child. And we live in a country that never locked down, so that's not even been an issue.

Your DD is still so tiny, figuring things out, testing boundaries. Just keep exposing her to new things, be there for her, have fun with her and take her lead. At 20 months I feel like it's totally normal for them to just ignore other kids when playing and just do their own thing, I've seen 4 year olds do it! If she's not enjoying a group it whatever it really is ok to go home if staying just stresses you both out. Learning about the world should be fun for both of you, it's not a list you have to tick off

I promise things will be really different in 6 months time. And the sleep... It's tough. Some nights my toddler is up more than my 4 month old! But they do get there. It will improve again, soon. Really hope you catch a break very soon!

Sounds pretty normal to me.

I'm no expert but my DD is a month older and isn't like this at all and neither are any of her friends of the same age.
It sounds like something more than lockdown unless you truly stayed inside your house and didn't do anything for months on end? Whereas we went for walks and to the park everyday.
I feel for you because these little people are not easy!

@Miriam101 maybe you’re right, maybe I’m expecting too much of her. It always just seems like everyone else’s children are so much more sociable!

@Winemewhynot I definitely think separation anxiety is playing it’s part here too! She gets very upset when I’m not there (which isn’t very often at all).

@ReggaetonLente thank you so much that has made me feel a lot better! I think I feel like we need to go out and do all these things, but you’re right if she’s not enjoying it then it’s not benefiting her is it.

@Sleepyquest we went for a walk every day, but the local park to us isn’t very baby friendly and she was so small then, so it was just pram walks. As soon as allowed she’s been round to see family/friends, to the park. She was pretty much ok before but lately it’s gotten bad! But maybe I’m expecting too much of her.

I despise this lockdown baby stuff. My son is 17mo so lived his entire life, up until a few months ago, in one form of lockdown or another. We went for walks daily when he was much younger and still do now. I havent been to baby classes. He goes to nursery now. He isnt like you describe. Its a personality trait OP.

Honestly there is lots of time for her to find her way, there really is no rush. Just take each day as it comes, try things when you feel like it and if you both enjoy it it's a win win!

@Letsallscreamatthesistene I didn’t say she was a lockdown baby. I was asking if other people feel that lockdowns have contributed to some difficulties in a very early developmental stage with their children. And with all due respect, your child is younger (mine was also fine at 17 months) and my daughter doesn’t go to nursery so hasn’t had that element of socialising.

I did say I was after helpful advice, not judgey comments

Thank you @ReggaetonLente that’s a really helpful and kind response. You’ve made me feel a lot less alone in this battle against my child (kidding!) I think I need to just expect less from her and do things I know she does enjoy for now.

[quote MummaW88]@Letsallscreamatthesistene I didn’t say she was a lockdown baby. I was asking if other people feel that lockdowns have contributed to some difficulties in a very early developmental stage with their children. And with all due respect, your child is younger (mine was also fine at 17 months) and my daughter doesn’t go to nursery so hasn’t had that element of socialising.

I did say I was after helpful advice, not judgey comments[/quote]
Negative comments arent automatically judgey. I dont think ive judged you for anything at all. Can you point out where ive done that? I just dont agree with you, which is allowed.

You're right your child is older, by 3 or 4 months, but I stand by my opinion that its largely personality traits, not by being a 'lockdown baby'.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

In fact, what I actually said was I wasn’t after negative OR judgey comments.
“I despise all this lockdown baby stuff”’is judgey (although again, I never called her a lockdown baby).

What is there to disagree with?! I never stated anything as fact, I asked for anyone with similar experiences. Clearly, you do not have a similar experience so as requested, please scroll on by.

You only want people to comment who agree with you?

Lol ok. Ill leave you to that.

My DS was like this. Everything was a trauma for him. We stopped going to baby groups. He preferred to get a pot of mint tea in a cafe.

However he is 8 now so not lock down related. And I wonder if that would have made things harder for him. He has an older brother so we had to do stuff so as his brother didn't miss out.

I speak to you from the other side and I hope it helps. He is now the life and soul of the party I kid you not. He still gets overwhelmed sometimes and needs his own space but he is extremely sociable and hilarious with it.

Keep calm and carry on. You are doing a fantastic job. Keep trying the things she doesn't like and keep doing the things she does like.

Do you know anyone with a child her age. This might be a gentle way to introduce her to being social and all the better for her to see you socializing with another adult. You probably need it too.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene grow up and go and troll someone else. I asked for “helpful advice” not everyone to agree with me.

@SummerHouse thank you so much for your kind response. It’s reassuring to know that it doesn’t last forever! And that it isn’t necessarily lockdown related. Maybe it’s just toddlers being toddlers!

I do have a few friends with kids of similar ages, but meeting up isn’t always easy with jobs/partners/school etc. We do try! But usually that ends up being stressful too as my daughter will end up tantruming about something and then I end up stressed and having to leave! But I will keep trying.

Thank you again for your kind words and advice

Wtf?! Ive disgareed with you, thats all. Id also like to point out that a pp has suggested personality traits rather than lockdown baby effects.

I suspect you dont like my tone as I dont tend to write in a fluffy way. Thats fine, but im no troll. I also stand by my opinion.

My 3 year old is a bit like that (would totally like to be carried everywhere if I allowed it), as were plenty of toddlers of his age in toddler groups before covid. My DS born in December 2019 always wants to walk everywhere and launch himself off things and is really independent. I think it's mainly just down to their personality.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene you’re missing the point? There is nothing to agree/disagree with?! I as asking for advice/help. At no point did it say “it IS because of this”. And yeah your tone is far from helpful or kind. I made of point of saying I feel low and don’t need any negative comments. This right here is why I never come on mumsnet for advice, there’s always someone who has to be negative!

Some children are just more sensitive/slower to warm up than others, and when they are toddlers they don't have the nuance of expression to be polite or subtle about it, or to reason through it. Normal toddler behaviour is a massive spectrum, so much so that 'normal' is really meaningless.
It might just be that's her personality through a toddler lens at the moment and it will improve as she's able to communicate better.

@ThisOneNow thank you for your input, that’s interesting as my DD is also December 2019! I suspected probably just her personality but have been curious for a while if the lockdowns have amplified things a bit. Thank you

@Tataru I did think actually when I used the term “Normal” there is no normal really is there! You’re right in that it’s far from polite or subtle lol! Thanks for your input, comments like this are making me feel a lot less worried about it all.

Get her some toddler walking harness/ "reins" so she can walk beside you but still feel connected to security; practise in the park where she's more confident then extend their use to walking in quiet suburban roads/ then town roads/ very small shops etc.

You might find she's more willing to walk if she's pushing a little dolls push chair.pram. Try in the park first.

I really really recommend balance bikes to develop stamina and balance; wish they'd been around when my kids were that age

I havent said anything negative. Ive just said I think its probably a personality trait, something which others have said too and you havent jumped on them like you've jumped all over me.

Im going to leave this thread now as its seems specifically my opinion (despite it being the same as others) isnt wanted here. Have a good day.