Is this normal toddler behaviour or a side effect of lockdowns?

[MummaW88]

This is only my second time posting on here. My first post I received quite a lot of judgey comments (about a very innocent topic!) so I’m hoping I won’t regret posting this today.

I’m interested to know if anyone else is experiencing the same issues as me with their almost 2 year olds?

My daughter is 2 in December, meaning she was around 3 months old when the first Covid lockdown hit. As a result of subsequent lockdowns, restrictions, my returning to work but “from home”, she has spent the majority of her time with me/at home. As restrictions have lifted I’ve tried to get her out and about doing more/seeing more. But…

Whenever we go anywhere she just wants to be carried around (she has been walking since 10 months). She doesn’t want to play or run around (except for at our local park which she is very familiar with). Whenever I try to take her out to do anything fun (toddler groups, a new park, to do some crafts, to the farm) it results in major tears and tantrums. I’m trying to gently ease her into the world but 9 times out of 10 it results in a meltdown! She doesn’t like strangers talking to her (they say “hello!” And she says “no!”). Not super fussed about playing with other kids. I’m at my wits end. I feel like I need to persist so that she can get used to the world, but at the same time I feel like it’s pointless and she’s happier just sitting at home!

Are others with children of a similar age experiencing this? Is it just normal toddler behaviour, or is this the impact lockdowns have had. It doesn’t help that her sleeping has turned to absolute hell over the last couple of weeks. I’m tired, and frustrated, and fed up.

As I said, my only other experience of posting on here was not a positive one. If I’ve used a term you don’t like, or said something you don’t like, please, please, just scroll on by. I don’t need any negative or judgey comments, I’m already at my lowest. Just want some reassurance that I’m not alone! And any helpful advice on how to help my girl adjust to the big wide world.

Please tell me it gets better

@2bazookas I do actually have reins but I don’t really use them often enough so thank you, I will try to utilise them a bit more!

Funnily enough I was looking at a balance bike for her birthday/Christmas so I will definitely get one of those!

@Letsallscreamatthesistene if you look at what others have said in comparison to what you have said, perhaps you will see why you have had such a different response from me. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with you saying it’s a personality trait, and everything to do with the way you have said your opinion and insisted I am upset because you are “disagreeing with me”. You have a good day too.

Hi OP. I think she sounds tired and overwhelmed and honestly I'd just go with it if you can and don't push the socialising aspect. She will only just be reaching the age of playing with other children and she won't be playing cooperatively until she's 3 anyway. My DD was v tricky at 2.5 (not in lockdown) and looking back I wish I'd just taken the pressure off her.

@flowerpootle thank you, she’s my first (can you tell!) so I don’t have anything to compare to. And I try not to read too much about “what they should be doing when” as it never seems to be reassuring lol that’s why I wanted advice from other mums who have been there. So thank you for your advice, I think I definitely need to take the pressure off her and myself!

I also have a Dec 2019 baby, so 20 months. He has not been to any toddler groups as yet, although I'm trying to get him into a couple from September. He is not in nursery. He does have an older brother who is almost 4.

It sounds totally normal for this age, separation anxiety is peaking. Molar teething causes sleep disturbances. The terrible twos do start before two in my experience. Tantrums and screaming in public is totally normal when they don't get their way. Crafts are impossible at this stage, they either throw them or eat them. All that will come in time. Sometimes my DS2 wants to run off other times he wants to be carried, they are still so young. It sounds like she is doing well OP so please do not worry and yes they all have different personalities but that is fine too. I do use reigns, soon your DD will be able to use a scooter or little bike. Some little ones are more vocal with their tantrums than others, mine have both been very vocal!

I don't think it's anything due to not mixing as much during lockdown with them at this age. You have so much time for that. Plus it gets somewhat easier when they are talking more. You are doing great.

Dd was born end of November so similar age. She covers her ears when people look at her or talk to her she doesnt know or see very often but will come out of her shell eventually. We started going to a toddler group in may and she does go off and play now and ive noticed others her age that started at the same time that arent quite as confident as her are now playing independently and will interact with others. It just takes time and patience. She wouldnt go near even family for a long time and she still has her extremely clingy moments

@Chocolatetrifle thank you I think you’re right separation anxiety is a big part, and very possible her molars are coming in (she doesn’t let me look!) it’s really reassuring to know it’s not just us experiencing this and that it does get better in time! I’m clearly putting too much pressure on us both,‘I’ll try to be a bit more laid back about it all!

@ImJustMum that’s definitely on par with my daughter, she just says “no!” And turns her head away! She was going to a baby group before but we ended up missing a few weeks due to the teacher being poorly and then my daughter was very poorly in hospital (which to be honest had also very possibly contributed to her fear of strangers and separation anxiety!) we’re starting the classes back up again next week so I hope that will help.

Can I just say thank you to all the kind, supportive comments and advice us restored my faith (a little!) in people and made me a bit less weary of asking for advice on here.

Agree @Letsallscreamatthesistene I don't like this lockdown baby stuff either. My little boy was born 2 weeks before official lockdown but we had already started our unofficial lockdown. Hes a perfectly normal little boy and I don't believe he's lost out. I don't think it's judgy and I see where you are coming from. Agree it's likely down to personality

My daughter was the same. She's now a very sociable 11 year old! It's a phase that some babies go through. Nothing to worry about.

You either get a or a little devil . I had a naughty one, still loves a tantrum even now! My friend had one angel and one nightmare! It’ll get better, just don’t try to do too much and keep activities short /cheap in case you need to exit sharpish!

@Opalfeet again, I never said anything about her being a “lockdown baby” I simply was asking for advice as to whether people think this has had an impact on their own little ones. She’s my first child so I don’t know any different, and was just curious as to whether others felt this had contributed to it. I feel my daughter has lost out as a result of lockdowns but that’s just my personal opinion.

Thank you @tintodeverano2 that gives me hope!

Thank you @Suzi888 I will definitely be sticking to cheap/free activities for the foreseeable future lol!

You're not going to last two minutes on MN OP. It's a no holds barred sort of place where people speak their minds. You might not agree with what they say. You perhaps could also consider scrolling on by.

It can be normal toddler behaviour. Lockdown probably hasn't helped. It's definitely worth persevering, no matter how akward it might feel right now.

I think it's impossible at this stage to say whether it's her personality or a reaction to lockdown.

My dd1 was very similar - she's 17 now so definitely not lockdown! I just allowed her to be herself. I accepted that she was reserved and took a bit of time to warm up. I took her to baby groups where we did activities together rather than the kind where you expect them to toddle off and play by themselves. If we met friends I allowed her to sit on my lap and watch until she felt happy to get down by herself.

I believe that allowing her to feel she had a secure base from which to explore and come back to gave her confidence.

She's still fairly introverted but very secure in herself and confident in her abilities. She has a great group of friends and will be off to Uni in another year or so - without me!

@PepsiHoover why should I have to scroll on by on my own thread, where I’ve specifically asked for helpful advice and no negative comments? Clearly I misunderstood and though mumsnet was designed to be a support network for mums to ask each other for help and advice. There was nothing in my post to agree/disagree with, I was just asking if other people had experienced the same? I don’t understand this concept of telling people you disagree with them when they are just asking for advice!

@ProfYaffle I can’t even begin to imagine her going off to uni! That’s what I try to do with my daughter when we meet people; and the baby groups have been very mum with baby rather than all the Littles mixing (mostly due to covid I think!) hopefully she will get there in her own time, just was a tough day today you know and I thought, is it worse because of lockdowns? And is it only us! This post has mostly made me feel better.

All of my kids have been through the different phases you've listed- my youngest is 3 now and still wants carrying everywhere (even in our own house!)

Mine have also all been very shy with strangers as toddlers, despite seeing a lot of different adults regularly (friends, family, playgroup etc etc) but they're perfectly confident at school now. In my experience, being over-friendly with strangers is something to be more concerned about.

Mums usually know their kids best. If there's something niggling at you that her behaviour is "not quite right" then of course speak to your GP/HV. But if you're just worrying what other people might be thinking/expecting of her in various situations, I would just put that out of your mind.

I know that mums and toddler groups are really popular (in nirmal times) but we do tend to forget that 2 year olds do not play with other children.
Co-operative plays begins at 3.
Which isn't to say that 2 year olds don't like being around other children, some do and some don't, but at best they play alongside, rather than with, and the clasisce 2 year old playdate includes temper tantrums, usually over the other child wanting to play with MY toy.

Just take it slowly, be lead by her, if what she wants to do is sit on your lap and watch the rest of the world, and then go home, that's fine. The more you do that, the more confident she will feel that you aren't going to force her into something 'scary' and her confidence will grow.

Encourage walking, use tricks like pointing at things ahead - look can you see the cat? Let's count the houses! Where is the red front door? So she is distracted. Try dolls buggies. Holding hands is horrible for most toddlers, and they do better with a reins rucksack.

Hey OP.

Also a Dec 2019 baby here! My DS was very very attached to me before I went back to work to the point I couldn't even leave the room.

Nursery has helped no end (and I appreciate not every baby needs or wants to go to nursery). So I definitely think social interaction helped! I've really had to force myself to do play dates, soft play, days out etc to encourage him to be a little more confident

HOWEVER I'm in the Facebook group from MN Dec/Jan 2019 babies and the difference in little people is amazing. Some are super confident, some are shy. Some have mega tantrums, some rarely cry. Some eat really well and some are fussy as hell! I could go on.

So it's probably a mix of separation anxiety (timing adds up), less social interaction due to Covid and, simple personality.

I wouldn't worry too much but I definitely would try and join some online baby groups with babies of similar ages as I found a wealth of information and it's also shown me how different they all (which is reassuring!)

My youngest is five and was very much like your little one. He was adopted by us at 19 months, and because of his particular circumstances, spent a lot of time inside the four walls of his previous house and didn’t get the opportunity to experience the wider world. He was scared of everything to start with - walking on grass, sand, having a bath and especially going to crowded play areas. Like your lo he would have tantrums and cling to me and not want to acknowledge strangers.

At five, he has improved a lot although being cautious and careful is still very much part of his personality. We made a conscious effort to push him gently out of his comfort zone on a regular basis (a play date with cousins rather than a crowded park to begin with, patiently teaching him to ride a bike although he was terrified). He has now had many successes and has grown so much in confidence which is lovely to see. We knew that due probably in part to personality and almost certainly also due to past experiences (or lack of), we would need to be sensitive to his needs but still present him with enough challenge to grow and develop. Over a period of time this has paid off. He is still sensitive and cautious, but as his world has grown, he is simply not so terrified of life.

Give your lo time and give her gentle challenges that she can cope with and that don’t overwhelm her and I’m sure you’ll see a change over time.

Phraselogy aside...I don't believe lockdown will have a massive impact on babies, when they are little they need their mum and dad, not a lot else. You asked for opinions and that's what you will get on here. 🤷‍♀️

@MummaW88 My son is a December 2019 baby as well and I do think lockdown has had an impact on him. He is our second child, he is nothing like our first in terms of development - whilst some of it might just be who he is, I can't help but feel lockdown has played a part.

He was late in walking (18/19 months), he doesn't talk (mainly just points), he doesn't like interacting with new people or children, he doesn't like us not being with him - but since he was born, we have always been around - when I returned to work, it was from home so he hasn't ever not had us around!!

Advice is based on opinion, and my advice is that it is nothing to do with lockdown. Your q was is it a result of lockdown or normal toddler behaviour so you are asking for opinions. I did not feel that the previous poster meant anything judgy by their reply. They are most likely feeling exasperated by the constant reference to lockdown and babies not developing fully, as I am. And I get it, and I don't want to label my baby as I am sure pp doesn't.

I don't know why you've had such a tough time, of course lockdown will have had an effect on lots of toddlers - less social interaction, less support for parents, lots of reasons. That doesn't mean there won't also have been positives for some - more time with parents, better attachment etc. It does us no good as a society if we don't acknowledge the extent of what we've all been through, and that includes small children. Even if the ones in our own houses seem to be doing fine. Every age group will be affected in its own way.

Having said that, I agree that everything you've described sounds very normal. I wouldn't overthink it or pressure her, just give her low-key opportunities to be around other people. Odds are she'll be absolutely fine. You might not be as the tantrums might drive you to drink if she's like mine.

Mums usually know their kids best. If there's something niggling at you that her behaviour is "not quite right" then of course speak to your GP/HV. But if you're just worrying what other people might be thinking/expecting of her in various situations, I would just put that out of your mind.

This is fabulous advice that could be applied to most scenarios of parenting small children.

Because it's not lockdown per se, but more indirect effects of lockdown and how people have responded to it. So you rightly mention less support for parents and I would add stress, but that is an indirect effect of lockdown. People will have responded differently, also in terms of social interaction, little babies need those close to them. I also have a 3.5 year old and he too is absolutely fine. I think people get fed up with it being mentioned because we all have little ones who have gone through it and then the suggestion that they are somewhat developmentally backward makes people feel annoyed.