DH thinks he can be the disciplinarian but nothing else

[Peachy92]

Getting a little frustrated with the way my DH thinks we should be parenting. Our DS is nearly 2.5. DH likes the old fashioned "mum is the caregiver dad is the disciplinarian". He thinks dad is the Alpha of the pack and therefore should step in when DS is misbehaving.
He's very old fashioned in the sense of the man rules the roost. We both work full time and our DS doesn't go to nursery so with covid he's been home with us all the time whilst we both try and do full time jobs. I do a full time job, plus the full time mum duty / housework / cooking you name it I do it. If I ask DH to do lunch he comes looking for me to ask what should DS have? What pudding should he have after dinner? Has he eaten enough dinner / lunch? He never seems to notice if DS needs the toilet or new pants. He asks me to decide on EVERYTHING. Which is why when he steps in for the discipline it really bugs me. I deal with the other stuff so I understand him most. DH is too strict and doesn't really understand how to deal with a naughty toddler. He uses far too complex statements and rules to reason with him so DS gets frustrated half way through and continues to misbehave. At this point DH loses patience and either abandons or shouts. Neither one of these rectifies the situation so I end up picking up the pieces and dealing with a now more difficult situation. Isn't it unreasonable for him to think "daddy" is the deciding factor in this one aspect of our sons life when he leaves everything else to me? I don't want my son to think he can push me around until "daddy" steps in and then he has to behave!

Have Dh's work been understanding? When does he catch up?

If you, as a family, can't afford childcare then you, as a family, provide that childcare. It's nigh on impossible for you to run a household, and provide full time childcare and work a full time job.

Your 'D'H needs to step up and pull his weight. What's the point in showing DS that men are alpha if he can't even teach him how to cook?

Well hes in dire need of some parenting classes I think! People saying they wonder why you married him are being naive .No one know how hard being a parent is until they are one! Your DH seems to want to have it all ways really ,you at work but also chief care giver ,and housekeeper as well! If he wants this you go PT or become a SAHM.If he doesnt like this you need to maybe attend a parenting course with him to see what improvements can be made .

Sounds like a horrible situation. Firstly, I would appeal to his 'traditional' instincts. Explain that the old fashioned way to manage a household and family is fine in principle, but it only works if the woman is not in paid employment and therefore has the time to look after the children and the household. So which will he choose - a traditional setup with him as the breadwinner, or an equal division of income and labour. He can't have both and logically he probably knows it as well.

Secondly, I'd echo a previous poster's excelent suggestion of disappearing for a weekend. Parents that only want to play a defined role in their children's lives, whether it's 'fun dad', disciplinarian, etc, can only do so if they don't have to get involved with the thousand everyday tasks of parenting. The more your husband is involved in your child's life in a variety of contexts, the harder it will be for him to stick to this ridiculous idea that all he has to do 8t step in and give out bollockings.