Sick of other people’s kids

[RaisingYankeesinParis]

Hi, first time posting.

I work part-time (no work on Wednesdays) and have 3 kids: 8, 6 and 2. Since my eldest was 6 now we have shared a nanny with various other families, always at our house.

One little girl leaped off the couch (why!?) and broke my beautiful enormous art nouveau flower pot jardiniere in half.

And recently a two year old managed to detach one of these ceramic twin bird lamps in my girls’ and break one. Hard to describe but this is a feat considering there was furniture to she had to hurdle to get to it etc. Managed to glue it so you can’t really see but beak on one is chipped.

(This is the same kid that climbed INTO a drawer on an antique chest of drawers I had just bought, and who managed to get off this chest of drawers some presents I had wrapped for my kid’s birthday and unwrapped them).

My kids have never broken anything. I am good at setting limits. Put it that way. They like pretty things, they are quiet and big readers. I also spend a lot of time with them and they are the centre of my life.

In 8 yrs of parenting and close contact with other people’s kids, I have noticed some things:

• kids’ behaviour directly reflects how they are raised

• parents who talk a lot about “me time” (whether this is manifested in careers, maintaining a pre-kid style social life or whatever) and getting away from their kids as much as possible tend to have annoying, poorly behaved kids

• standards for what constitutes acceptable behaviour have dropped

• helicoptering results in poorly behaved kids and stressed parents (see Jordan Peterson: you need to be a bit selfish as a parent)

• parents are not, as popularly believed, divided into screens vs no screens, breast vs bottle. Parents are divided into “MY KID’S NEEDS & COMFORT then everyone else’s” vs “Everyone else’s comfort and needs come before my kid’s or at least the two are not incompatible”.

I am firmly in the second camp. I breastfed all three for ages, we have no screens, lots of books. But I have friends with lovely kids who are totally the opposite of me. The key to having lovely kids and not high-maintenance monsters is to put other people’s needs in front of your kids. Unabashedly.

Anyway I think as my youngest will be in school full time in 2022 I will be so relieved to get rid of the permanent presence of other people’s kids in our home and I won’t look back.

I mean since my eldest was 6 months old

Because this happened.

Why are they in your home

Is there a reason you can’t take it in turns to host the childcare?

Well, it’s just obviously not working having the nanny operating out of your house. You have kids who can cope with so many breakables around. Other kids are different. Why can’t the nanny operate out of one of the other houses? Or you go solo with the nanny? Or find a different childcare solution altogether?

And I’m not going to contribute to the inevitable pile on that’s about to happen about your description of other people’s parenting!

You sound like a complete knob. Tell the Nanny no more watching the kids in your home. It’s not a crèche.

Why wasn’t the nanny spaying close attention to the child(ten) causing chaos and damage! She doesn’t sound very attentive- surely this should’ve concerning.

In 16 years of parenting and close contact with other people's kids, I have noticed some things:

• All kids are different. They all have strengths and weaknesses.

• The parents who are really smug about their kids are either really lucky and just have easy kids or they're oblivious to their own kids' weaknesses.

• The parents who are very judgemental towards other parents usually lack empathy and/or the ability to see beyond their own immediate circumstances.

• The parents who allow kids to play around expensive fragile items will inevitably have to deal with some breakages.

*should be not should’ve

Some kids are just a lot more physical than others I think. When I had my eldest I’d probably have vaguely agreed - she is bookish and not prone to leaping about. Then I had my son and he is just different. Treated exactly the same.

I personally wouldn’t have had lots of nice breakable stuff in range of a nannying with other kids setting. It doesn’t sound like it has worked for your lifestyle.

Who keeps a "beautiful enormous art nouveau flower pot jardiniere" in a crèche?

Gosh what a judgemental jerk you are.
It does sound like you have such struggles, at least you know how much better you are than everyone else.

You were a bit dim to enter into a nanny share where the care always takes place in your home.

The main thing I took away from this is that you clearly have a lot of very posh furniture.

Very obvious thing to do is stop it always being at your house.

I kind of get what you are saying OP. I have children who sounds similar in character to yours and I do not enjoy having some other children over to our house as they just don't seem to respect my home, my belongings, my children or their toys.

I get around it by minimising playdates at my house. Are you able to make a new arrangement with the Nanny? Or get a different Nanny, the current one doesn't sound very on the ball.

Why is there so much expensive fragile stuff around where these kids are playing?
Why isn't your nanny supervising them?
Why are they all at your house?
It's such a bizarre set up it's bound to cause issues.

You sound like a total delight 🤨

There’s so much contradiction and illogic in your post, I’m not even going to start addressing them.

Well why are the children always at your house? Why isn't the nanny watching and preventing the children from causing damage? It seems like there's too many children for her to look after safety.

Why are other people's kids in your home every day? Clearly your set up isn't working for you so change it.

The rest is weird.

Op you sound really really horrible.

The fact that you reference Jordan Peterson tells me all I need to know.

I assume your kids will be all highly strung monsters.

Wow.

I like Jordan Peterson. He advocates for good manners and taking responsibility for your own actions, which I thought were pretty universal morals. Anyway, back to you: your house is not a creche. Can you arrange to move the childminding around so all the parents share the "hosting" duties, as it were? It will minimise the damage they can do and make the other parents more aware of how their children play.

My instinct is that you should change the arrangement but given that there is only 12 months to go I’d probably leave it, but politely
ask the nanny to be a bit more attentive. And move breakables out of the way if possible.