Sick of other people’s kids

[RaisingYankeesinParis]

Hi, first time posting.

I work part-time (no work on Wednesdays) and have 3 kids: 8, 6 and 2. Since my eldest was 6 now we have shared a nanny with various other families, always at our house.

One little girl leaped off the couch (why!?) and broke my beautiful enormous art nouveau flower pot jardiniere in half.

And recently a two year old managed to detach one of these ceramic twin bird lamps in my girls’ and break one. Hard to describe but this is a feat considering there was furniture to she had to hurdle to get to it etc. Managed to glue it so you can’t really see but beak on one is chipped.

(This is the same kid that climbed INTO a drawer on an antique chest of drawers I had just bought, and who managed to get off this chest of drawers some presents I had wrapped for my kid’s birthday and unwrapped them).

My kids have never broken anything. I am good at setting limits. Put it that way. They like pretty things, they are quiet and big readers. I also spend a lot of time with them and they are the centre of my life.

In 8 yrs of parenting and close contact with other people’s kids, I have noticed some things:

• kids’ behaviour directly reflects how they are raised

• parents who talk a lot about “me time” (whether this is manifested in careers, maintaining a pre-kid style social life or whatever) and getting away from their kids as much as possible tend to have annoying, poorly behaved kids

• standards for what constitutes acceptable behaviour have dropped

• helicoptering results in poorly behaved kids and stressed parents (see Jordan Peterson: you need to be a bit selfish as a parent)

• parents are not, as popularly believed, divided into screens vs no screens, breast vs bottle. Parents are divided into “MY KID’S NEEDS & COMFORT then everyone else’s” vs “Everyone else’s comfort and needs come before my kid’s or at least the two are not incompatible”.

I am firmly in the second camp. I breastfed all three for ages, we have no screens, lots of books. But I have friends with lovely kids who are totally the opposite of me. The key to having lovely kids and not high-maintenance monsters is to put other people’s needs in front of your kids. Unabashedly.

Anyway I think as my youngest will be in school full time in 2022 I will be so relieved to get rid of the permanent presence of other people’s kids in our home and I won’t look back.

@Bazinga007

Who keeps a "beautiful enormous art nouveau flower pot jardiniere" in a crèche?

just made me laugh out loud! OP you bang on about your kids being the centre of your world with very thinly veiled criticism about those of us who work and /or dare to have a social life then criticise helicoptering? You make no sense.

I agree re helicoptering btw, those types of parents are a nightmare and generally have nightmarish kids. We've just been away with a family like this. Thank goodness we had separate holiday accommodation.

Yeah, I don’t like kids, so I choose not to have any in my house. It’s not difficult.

I was raised by a parent who didn’t like children and did like fancy furniture. I was very quiet and well behaved, seen and not heard. It’s not a nice way to raise a child if you’re the child but very convenient if you’re the parent.

I dont think it sounds like you have a very 'kid' friendly house, so ive no idea why you'd allow the 'nursery' to be at your house. Surely you'd move anything expensive or precious away from childrens reach? I think you sound a bit bonkers tbh.

One little girl leaped off the couch (why?)

I'm really wondering if you have kids at all!

Mines the same as yours op. I had a massive shock the first time I had other peoples kids in my house and they rampaged through it. I never had to baby proof anything with my daughter.

Some kids are just more wild than others!

Works 4 days per week but parents who have careers produce annoying, poorly behaved kids

Kids are centre of your world but every single other person’s needs come before theirs.

Helicoptering is wrong but me time is also wrong

I’ve got grazed knees from all the contradictions I’m tripping over. I am jealous of all your (ex) furniture though. If you want it to stay nice I think you need a new nanny or to stop allowing your house to be the nursery!

The problem is you are running a nursery in your home. That's the bit you need to change.

What about your Royal Doulton with the hand painted periwinkles? I hope that's safe... (sorry reading your post immediately made me think of Hyacinth Bouquet!)

If you have 3 kids yourself how many other kids is your nanny looking after at the same time!?

Just have a nanny for your own 3 perfect angels and all will be well. If you can't afford it, sell the antiques and use the money for childcare. Sorted!

Hmmmm - it sounds to me that your expectations of other people's children are unrealistic. They are not going to treat antiques in the same way as your kids if they haven't been exposed to that kind of environment.

I think you need to halt having the world's children at your house. They are not compatible with the antiques.

OP needs to have her DC stuffed and mounted, she can then exhibit them in a museum as a lesson to the rest of us.

@Mybalconyiscracking

OP needs to have her DC stuffed and mounted, she can then exhibit them in a museum as a lesson to the rest of us.

No, I think she should mount them in her house, beside the Art Nouveau jardiniére, ceramic birds and antique chest of drawers.

I don't think you get to 'know' the best way to parent when your children are still very young. I'll take my advice from someone who has raised their kids successfully.
Also I have one of each of the kids you are describing. One is so laid back and reads and doesn't play with screens the other is nuts! I do not ascribe to either of the parenting styles so I think you maybe missing something.

Can the nanny work from someone else's house?

Your thoughts don't apply to disabled children, have you got experience with children with Downs Syndrome or autism etc?

Well done you for being so wonderful and owning so much fancy furniture!! Would love to read a book on how you did it, or maybe your quiet, perfect children could scribe one – if they can get a moment’s peace from protecting the Tiffany lamps from the examples of parenting failure!

Don’t have other peoples kids I’m your house then it’s quite simple really. You don’t like them don’t nanny share or get a nanny who watched the kids in their care. Or hide all arty expensive stuff if you know you have other people’s kids in your house as yours are clearly painted on the walls and can do no wrong ever

Yeah I hate it when Ptolemy from next door jumps off my antique armoire. Clearly destined for a life of crime.

I think you are running a nursery/childminders from a house unsuitable for the job.

And your kids would be better off going somewhere they can play (childminders/outdoor nursery perhaps.)

If someones bratlet broke an antique vase in my house their parents would be getting the bill!

Troll thread? Either way, having a bunch of kids at your house every single week is clearly a silly idea.

@BeenThruMoreThanALilBit

There’s so much contradiction and illogic in your post, I’m not even going to start addressing them.

Agree. I spent too much time trying decipher it!

Who puts a shit load of kids in a room with art Nouveau jardinieres? That, my friend is, dumb.

The rest of the judgemental crap? That's a dick move.

🍿

Why am I imagining this scenario as a herd of tiny goats. Leaping all over (antique) furniture...