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Original poster

Pm routine, 5yr old, school nights

33 replies

ThePoliceOfficer · 27/08/2021 16:13

I need help with adjusting our evening routine now that DD is going into year 1 (I was WFH last year) because I just can’t see how it will work.

DH finishes work at 5.30pm, by the time he collects DD and travel home is around 6.30pm. I finish work at 6pm and get home around 6.30/6.45pm depending on traffic. Whoever is home first starts dinner. Usually eating by 7pm or just after. DD is a slow eater so can finish anywhere between 7.45/8pm. Then it’s change into pjs and into bed so she should be asleep by half 8 ideally. I don’t even brush her teeth or read a story because I feel like it’s such a late bedtime for a 5 year old anyway, especially when she has school the next day. Any suggestions?

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Garman · 27/08/2021 16:21

You don't brush her teeth? Do you mean specifically just that you don't, I'm assuming your DH does so?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/08/2021 16:24

Ok teeth brushing is necessary so that has to be fitted in. Can the childcare provider give a meal at 5pm? Then dh can give her a cereal bar and piece of fruit on the car ride home.

Evening can then be spent with dd bath/teeth/story and bed. Sort dinner between you and dh (one does yours and his dinner and the other does the bedtime routine, alternate nights).

FurryGiraffe · 27/08/2021 16:27

Does she have school dinners? If so, then does she really need a proper meal in the evening? Give her a sandwich/beans on toast/soup, which will only take 5 mins to prep and should be quicker to eat because it’s lighter. Even if a slow eater she should manage that by 7.15. Then PJs teeth and story- lights out by 7.45.

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Original poster
ThePoliceOfficer · 27/08/2021 16:29

No, neither of us do. She only has her teeth brushed once a day (in the morning). Her dentist said not to stress about it since we’d need to wait at least 30-60 mins after she’d eaten to brush so not to damage the teeth, I can’t keep her up longer!

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QueenofLouisiana · 27/08/2021 16:32

Does DD need to eat again with you at that time in the evening? Has she eaten at childcare after school? Is she doing a lot of travelling or being picked up quite late? There’s a lot of variables that would impact how you set up your evening routine.

I think she’s eating very slowly as she’s tired by then. I’d probably be doing a quick toast/ crumpet and banana/ yogurt supper while reading together on the sofa. Then bath, teeth and bed. You can eat once she’s in bed.

Cantchooseaname · 27/08/2021 16:36

What time does she get up? That sounds completely unsustainable!
She needs something she can have quickly, pretty much as soon as she gets in- if she has hot lunch at school, a crumpet, cheese and some cucumber is fine! Or can she eat at child care, even if you have to send a packed tea? Then there will be time for story and teeth. She does she read to you?
I would then prioritise family meal times at the weekend.

Starwind74 · 27/08/2021 16:48

As others have said, can’t she have school dinners and tea at wherever she goes after school , or if she can’t eat there, give her a snack when you get in ( not a main dinner). presume where she goes after school is at or near her school so do you live a long way from her school if it takes an hour to get home? If she went to childcare,/ school nearer home she would be there longer to eat tea there if possible. I appreciate this would mean less time with you, but sitting on transport and having late dinner may not be quality time. If she got home later having had her tea, one of you could bath and read to her, whilst the other got your meal which you could have after she went to bed.

Mincepiesallyearround · 27/08/2021 16:49

Ours have a similar ish pick up time but the difference is they’re fed by their childcare provider eg my school age son has a hot lunch at school and then ‘snack’ tea at after school club so beans on toast type stuff. Then at home might have oatcakes and cheese or a banana. Takes a couple of mins. I would forget about her eating with you during the week - give her something super quick and then you eat later with DH properly.

CallieOpie · 27/08/2021 16:51

Yes I'd definitely try food for dd as soon as she gets in if she can't be fed at child minders. Could be beans on toast / poached egg / cereal or, if you have leftovers from your meal the night before that can easily be reheated for her, that. You can sit with her while she eats and chat or do her story then. You could have a snack with her then too to keep her company and tide you over til you eat later on. Then bath, teeth, bed etc and ideally in bed for 7.30 and asleep before 8. Our nearly 6 year old is basically sleepwalking (or ramping up into hysteria) if he's in bed later than that on school nights. Best of luck OP it's tricky trying to adjust to a new routine in a way that suits everyone isn't it!

flowerycurtain · 27/08/2021 16:51

Mine are sometimes picked up at 4.45 direct from school. They have hot dinners and I pack them a pack tea which they eat in the car. Home at 5.30. I eat tea from the slow cooker whilst they watch the. 6pm homework. 6.30 bed.

CallieOpie · 27/08/2021 16:52

Sorry cross posted with everyone!

serialname · 27/08/2021 16:55

I'm sure leaving her teeth I brushed over night is worse than doing them within an hour if eating!!

Give her fast food as soon as you get in, then you eat after she is in bed

serialname · 27/08/2021 16:55

Unbrushed

JassyRadlett · 27/08/2021 16:56

Yes it’s the meals that need sorting.

Is there any chance of getting childcare that will feed her? That was my lifeline when we weren’t getting home until 6.15 or so. It would honestly transform things if you can find a childminder or club who can give her tea.

Otherwise you need to focus on being able to feed her the moment she sets foot in the door, more or less. That will probably mean she eats separately from you, and that’s fine for now. I hate batch cooking but I do it for those days when we have activities until late and need to feed the kids quickly. A single serve of spaghetti bolognese takes a couple of minutes to reheat in the microwave, scrambled eggs or porridge or similar take five minutes tops.

The goal has to be to have her finished eating by 7, so that you can do decent bath, story, reading, teeth and bed by 8. If you’re running late, read to her in the bath - my kids love that and reading to them is so important. You’ll also need to have time for her to read to you each day - we make it part of the bedtime routine.

PatchworkElmer · 27/08/2021 16:57

Packed tea in the car? Is she in after school club/ some other kind of provision- surely they feed her?

Original poster
ThePoliceOfficer · 27/08/2021 17:00

Whoops, my internet is slow and more replies since I responded! My MIL has her after school so it takes DH 30 mins to get to MIL house then 30 from there to us. DH work is closer to MIL but usually has more traffic so works around to be the same time there/back.

DD does have school dinners but as they only get 30 minutes (and she’s slow) her teacher often comments that she’s hardly eaten in that time. Best bet might be to ask MIL to make her dinner, although she lets DD get away with murder so I worry she’d end up eating endless chocolate if she threw a fuss!

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Original poster
ThePoliceOfficer · 27/08/2021 17:01

Oh, someone asked what time she gets up. We aim for 7am but sometimes I feel terrible and let her sleep until 7.15/7.30am which throws the morning into chaos. Not winning at life at the moment I know!

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disculpe · 27/08/2021 17:17

If your MIL has her after school could you maybe spend some time at the weekend making something like bolognese/casserole etc to portion out and freeze, and then give a few tubs of it on a Monday to MIL so that she just has to defrost and warm then up in the evening and pop some pasta or rice on? Then at least your mil doesn't have to cook her a full meal but you don't have to worry about feeding her late when you get home from work. I've been there - long working hours and husband working away in the past, picking son up from child minders late with no time to cook - it's such a juggling act!

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 27/08/2021 17:20

She needs to have tea and MiL’s and have her teeth brushed before bed. If you genuinely can’t trust MiL to ensure a reasonable tea goes into her then she shouldn’t be in charge of your child. Supply it if you have to. Your current arrangement is absolutely not sustainable or acceptable if it involves your five year old not having teeth brushed at the end of the day. And she’s likely to be more tired in Yr 1 so a reasonable bedtime has to be factored in.

JassyRadlett · 27/08/2021 17:23

Oh gosh if your MIL has her use it! You can sweeten the pill by sending a week’s worth of frozen meals (leftovers from your meals during the previous week or batch cooked?)

That’s a game changer. She’ll have had downtime at MIL’s (can MIL read with her in the afternoon so she’s not doing it when she’s tired?) so you can ask MIL to feed her and then focus on the quality of the time you get together.

Mine always used to sleep past 7 and I let them whenever they could, it made it a rush in the mornings but worth it for their sleep.

Now they both seem to get up around 6 and I miss having to wake them…

Original poster
ThePoliceOfficer · 27/08/2021 17:26

@disculpe that’s a great idea! Think I will try that and see how we get on.

Thanks for all the advice everyone

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Neverrains · 27/08/2021 17:30

Yes the obvious answer is that your MIL needs to feed her. Then when you get home it’s wind down and teeth brushed before bed.

Original poster
ThePoliceOfficer · 27/08/2021 17:31

Honestly it’s crazy the things you don’t think of yourself that seem so simple/obvious. Feeling much better about how it’s going to work now

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Catawaul · 27/08/2021 17:35

Why isn't MIL feeding her?

Garman · 27/08/2021 17:42

Dear God the obvious solution is that mil feeds her, did you never have a discussion about that day one? If I left my dc with either grandmother at that time of day the first thing they'd ask me would be about dinner.

And I definitely think washing teeth immediately after dinner would be better than not at all. My kids would often have a snack before bed then wash teeth and their teeth are perfect.