Holidaying with kids without burnout?

[Iyawa]

Currently on a caravan holiday with my kids and experiencing some kind of burnout. Is it even possible to enjoy this kind of family holiday as a mum?

The children are 6 and 2.5 and stopping the youngest from running off too far when playing around the caravan is stressful.

They keep arguing and we're stuck in this confined space together as the caravan is very small.

To limit the arguing, we're having to keep them occupied, all activities have to be booked in advance, which is a pain and by the time we're in the pool/ arrive for the activity we have to leave again as time is limited by the park. It's all rush. There is no time to relax or enjoy anything for any length of time.

If the youngest stays up in the evening, he's horrible the day after and is having lots of tantrums, this means putting them to bed and missing out on the entertainment, that we as adults might actually enjoy!

We're surrounded by kids activities. What's in it for the adults? There's fayres amusements, beaches, piers etc but everywhere is rammed busy and the 2.5 year old refuses to go in his pushchair. I'm exhausted.

The kids are also still waking at their usual time of 6am, regardless of later nights etc!

Then there's all the usual cooking and washing up as any decent restaurants are all fully booked and the one on site is overpriced for basically chips, burgers and pizza. So it's just hectic busy of the usual jobs with additional pressures in a smaller space than at home.

Do other parents actually enjoy these type of holidays? I was excited to come for my children to have a good time and I thought, by extension I would too.

Feel like I need a holiday myself after this. But also really upset with myself for not enjoying this holiday more as it cost almost £1500.

Any holiday tips for the future or advice on where I've gone wrong?

I posted something very similar in AIBU recently. Do a search for my username and the word ‘relentless’

I'm struggling to find it @rainallnight

You haven’t gone wrong anywhere. I think holidaying with small children is actually just very hard work. I thought so when mine were that age anyway. You have to do everything you normally do - but in a smaller, unfamiliar space without access to all your home comforts. In addition, DCs are frequently overexcited and out of routine. Having been used to holidays pre DC where we would do what we pleased - get up late, laze on the beach, go for walks, have lovely meals out etc, holidays with kids can feel like an endurance test.

It does get better though. Mine are late primary/early secondary age now and much, much better and doing ‘holiday’ things. They will happily potter on the beach, read, enjoy going for walks, appreciate a meal out etc. I think you just need to lower your expectations a bit at this stage. Accept that it’s probably not going to be relaxing all the time for you but make sure you and your DP (if you have one) look out for each other and build in some alone time for each of you - even if that’s just for a quick coffee out or a walk on the beach.

Thanks for posting @littleredpill
I guess it's not helping that there's not a lot of connection with DH on an evening as he's playing games on his phone for down time once DCs are in bed.

Practically, DH is does more than his fair share, but he's in his own world come the evening and I'm in bed by 10pm as I'm wiped out.

Also, tried speaking to DH about how I'm feeling and there was a lot of eye rolling and him telling me he's having a great time (doesn't appear so!) and he voiced his frustration about me being grumpy. It's difficult to relate when you're on different pages which isn't helping matters.

He's also frustrated that I'm calling time by 8pm for youngest DC to go to bed as he's so tired and challenging the day after if I don't. Also, trying to limit day trips to a couple of hours as youngest DC is tired and irritable otherwise but DH seems to want to push on and is oblivious to the consequences of doing too much.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4330414-AIBU-to-find-holiday-with-small-DC-bloody-relentless

Holidaying with small kids is hard work, same shut, difffernt location. Especially so when they are at different ages and want different things.

It's even worse now with covid, booking stuff, restaurants at capacity months ago and shit weather if you are in the UK.

We came back recently from two weeks on two different holiday parks on the uk and never again. Fine for a short break, not main holiday. Got back and booked two weeks in Ibiza next year for probably the same as we have spent here.

Regarding day trips with toddlers:
We used to do very long days out even when the dc were tiny, but either DH or myself would take the toddler back to the car for a nap after lunch even if they didn’t still have a nap on an ordinary day at home. I never minded doing that - I’d get a takeaway coffee or tea and take it back to the car with us. I’d either sit in the car or in a camping chair and read a book, paint my nails, catch up on social media etc… bliss! Another benefit of the naps were that our toddler wasn’t overtired in the evenings.

Why dont you both take a little "me time" - so Dad heads off with two kids for a few hours - you chill, he heads back - with their lunch (chips will do!) and you head off for a walk and then switch over. A few hours of time to unwind/sleep etc may help the balance ?

I suggest as about, both take some time out. Tomorrow one of your take morning, one afternoon.

One of you pop to supermarket nearby and get some easy food that’s a ‘treat’. Nice ready meals, fancier desserts, quiche etc.

Let your kids have ‘movie night’. Film on iPad after dinner whilst you adults chill

My DC have a similar gap in terms of ages.

2.5 is a tricky age. It does get easier though as you know.

We actually avoid organised activities on holidays. We would go to the pool every day on a caravan holiday, so I appreciate that’s now a pain with all the booking / restrictions but apart from that we have always tried to avoid large crowds and big activities. Even pre Covid. It’s never fun.

When we are on holiday we tend to go for walks, go to the beach with a bucket and spade and a picnic, go for drives at nap times and then stop for an ice cream when everyone is awake. We tend to take the DC’s scooters and scoot around the holiday park.

At one holiday park I went to, a group of mums went to the play park early evening (it was fenced in) and they all sat and had a glass of wine while their dc played in the park. I thought this was a fab idea.

I think there is so much pressure on us to plan these all singing all dancing holidays with lots of activities, when really the DC are happy with very basic free activities. Chose things that will make your life easier. Lower your expectations of the holiday.

And don’t cook! If you can afford the takeaway then just go for it.

I know that a cranky 2.5 year old isn’t much fun but we tend to find that they get used to the late night after a couple of nights and adapt to it. But appreciate that might not be the case for everyone.

I think you just have to think about what will suit you. No way would I do a caravan holiday with two young kids. All being stuck in a tiny caravan does not sound relaxing at all! If I wanted to stay in the UK and self-cater, I'd do a cottage holiday with proper bedrooms and space downstairs for me and DH for an evening so we could watch films/do board games/whatever else and an enclosed garden. And we would have a lot of takeaways! There are lots of toddler/child-friendly cottages that are really well equipped for taking kids away. We stayed at one with DD just before first lockdown that had a playroom with loads of toys and games.

I don't mind kid activities as I'm a massive kid at heart anyway so love a lot of them and also DD having fun is fun for me, and I think if you go expecting that you won't really be doing stuff that's geared to you then you'll deal with it a bit better. It's about trying to find stuff that you can all get some enjoyment out of and making life easier for yourself.

We’ve just had a caravan holiday with a 7, 6 and 2.5 year old and it was actually quite chilled!
We kept our expectations fairly low to be fair. Mornings spent on the beach, afternoons exploring a bit further afield. Didn’t bother going out in the evenings, just take away fish and chips or easy meals in the caravan. Didn’t bother keeping the kids up late as it would just end in tears the next day. Bottle of wine for us after the kids were in bed.

We refused to do it this year. One of our DC is autistic and finds being away from the house really frightening. Add to that the busyness of everything because of the school holidays. Add to that the extra busyness because of covid and more people holidaying in the UK. Add to that the staffing and supply issues caused by Brexit and Covid and you have one absolute clusterfuck of a holiday.

Fuck that.

Only people I've known who enjoyed their UK holidays this year were very well off types from Richmond or Shepherd's Bush, who had their own cottage, pool etc. Insta is full of their smug twat holidays and I knew we wouldn't be able to afford anything even close to that.

Completely agree that trying to string the 2.5 y.o. out late into the evening isn’t likely to give you a good time next day!

I like that idea of having a morning or afternoon kid-free and letting other parent take over entirely.

We have a week away in a small flat at the seaside - the owner lets us use it for free when they are on holiday (it’s a family friend) which is incredibly kind, but I have to share a bed with the 2.5 y.o. And DH shares with our older DD. So it’s a compromise. And we can not make a single mark, we have to clean it perfectly before we leave, and can make no significant noise in case we upset the neighbours. It can get stressful!

But I hope to have many years in future when the kids are older, and holidays are easier. And I suspect I’ll look back on these exhausting hood with the littles with some kind of rose-tinted nostalgia.

It's hard work, it's not just you. I found holidays with mine when they were little were so exhausting I actually lost weight! Who loses weight on holiday??! That's not my idea of a holiday 😂

I don’t think any holiday with small children is really enjoyable to be honest. In the early years (for me) it is mainly all about survival really.

I think the key with small children is to just keep your expectations quite low.

Well the good news for you is that most kids clubs take children from the age of 3!

I guess the issue for us is keeping them occupied all day and then rushing dinner to make the kids evening entertainment.

If we were staying in a cottage, it would be more chilled as evenings would be ours.

My DDs are 7 and just turned 4. It's definitely this year where there are pockets of relaxation. but we're doing a beach holiday in Wales and have a chalet rather then a caravan.

The freedom is choosing a child friendly beach with a safe stream running into it, no nap to contend with and quiet evenings. I'd give the entertainment a miss and sit outside the caravan with a drink or alternate who goes.

Pre covid me and dh searched the internet high and low for holidays with kids clubs that took babies. Usually they start from age 3. Cape Verde do if anyone is interested. This was in response to a caravan holiday we had a month before. On about say 3 dh turned to me and asked if I wanted to go home . We were both exhausted. It was my first and last caravan 'holiday'.

We do camp in the uk but its for 2 nights max and we usually go with friends so the children can go off and play and we sit and chill with the adults. We do the occasional day out but its not planned or time limited.
This week when we camp without friends we are going to the beach, we will walk the dog, look at the rock pools and wander about the town. Then back to the tent to to chill and kids can play then bed. No pressure. Its actually fun mostly.

But my real idea of a holiday is all inclusive with a pool and as I said above a kids clubs.

Don't worry op its not you.

Since having kids holidays are a change of scenery but not a holiday of old. Once you resign yourself to that you actually start to enjoy it for what it is!

Just dial it all back a bit.

Let the kids watch the iPad for a while so you can rest.

Have dinner earlier so you don't have to rush to the entertainment. Pay for the overpriced takeaway unless you're really broke.

Have a late night out if it's fun for you one of the nights then don't do much the next day, make sure there's plenty of nap time.

Make DH take the kids out so you can have alone time.

But also - yes it's totally shit and it does always seem to be worse for mums. I spent a lot of this summer dreaming of holidays pre kids and pre covid

Ive taken mine to butlins for a week every year since my oldest was a baby. Constant activities from morning until bedtime but close to accommodation for naps if needed. What made it easier? Going catered!!! Other wise it is just normal daily grind, but somewhere less set up for your family.

I’m currently in exactly the same boat. The 6 year old has the attitude of a teenager and keeps trying to kill himself by climbing everything in sight. The 2 year old is having tantrums every other minute and will only eat cheese sandwiches. We’ve just about survived a week in a holiday cottage in Scotland but we’ve got a week camping ahead of us. I’m not sure I’m brave enough…