Looking for positive stories :-)

[WorryMcGee]

Hi everyone. I’m an anxious person that tends to focus on the negative, especially when things are about to change…and things are about to change because I’m 5 weeks pregnant! I know I am lucky, my husband is over the moon, I should be too but my main emotion right now is fear. All I can think of is that my life is gone forever (illogical) and I am fixating on every single post/story/anecdote I come across about how terrible having children is. Logical me (and the me that wanted to get pregnant) knows that this cannot be the case 24/7 because no one would ever do it and no one would ever have more than one. I also know that people don’t tend to take to the internet when things are rosy, which means a lot of what you see is negative.

So I was wondering - can you tell me some stories about how wonderful it is 🧡 how your life is better, how it brought you and and your partner closer together, how you’re a different person but you actually like that person more, etc?

(Please don’t be mean or tell me I obviously don’t want this pregnancy enough. Obviously I know it’s the hardest thing I’ll ever do and it’s not all rainbows. I’m just searching for a little balance because I’m in a negative thought spiral, and also I thought it might be a nice thing for others to read )

I'm sorry that you are so anxious - lots of people struggle with the thought of (and reality of) parenting, so don't add to your anxiety by telling yourself anything different.

I was always a bit anxious and not really sure of my place in the world but DD is the centre of my universe and although it is very challenging at times, I am a better person as a mum. I like myself and I feel worthwhile and as though I have done something postive. The early years were hard, but so rewarding - there is a joy at a baby figuring out how to pick up a toy after trying and trying that you remember more than the dirty nappies.

DD is a teen now but still brings so much joy to my life - she has pushed me to try new things, learn new skills (including patience :) ) and see the world differently. She makes me a better - and healthier person. She is very outdoorsy (I was not, now I have to be) - we joke that the exercise she has enforced on me has added 10 years to my life.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and motherhood.

My favourite things about being a parent are:

• being someone's whole world, being looked at with adoration, being the person my dc run to and snuggle into when they need someone
• seeing my dc develop in people, with personalities, who say/do hilarious things
• how the rest of my family and friends also love my dc and have separate relationships with them
• how having children connects you to society and the local community, through things like playgrounds/schools, even strangers on the street who normally would ignore you now smile at you or share a few words if your dc say hello to them or something
• things like Christmas and birthdays become all magical again

And just having more people to love and who love you, it's nice having a life filled with love

Thank you so much @Cannes12 and @RHOShitVille your posts are so lovely (and have made me cry!) I just need to read and hear more positive things like your posts so I get past this and feel excited 🧡

You’re absolutely right, it’s so tough and your life will never be the same again, but your baby makes it all so worth it. The transition to motherhood has been a rough ride for me emotionally for some of the reasons you’ve described but even on my darkest days I wouldn’t change it for the world. I read a quote online a while ago something along the lines of “I had a baby and thought I would teach him about the world, but really he taught me about myself” and it’s so true. The world is a different place with your baby in tow and the absolute magic of the good times far, far outweigh the stress of the more difficult times. Just when you think you can’t take anymore he will do something silly or adorable and it’s honestly like you’ve had a lobotomy and all is forgotten at least for a moment. For me the best thing about having my baby is knowing that me and his dad are his ENTIRE world, there’s no one else in the world he’d rather spend time with, the smiles when he wakes up knowing he is about to get up for play and cuddles, the way he looks at you when he’s done something new as if to say “did you see that?!”, the little sounds he makes to get my attention and then bursts into laughter that it worked when I look at him! He’s started to grab my face to give me kisses and sometimes puts his dummy to my lips as if to share. The best job in the world

Aw I felt sad reading - don't get me wrong, it is HARD work but oh my goodness they are worth it!

Quick example - went in to wake my little boy this morning because he was sleeping late (3 year old) and his little face half asleep is just the cutest, and he said 'Mummy, I slept all through the winter'. Too cute.

It seems every stage gets more difficult than the last, but parenting is so rewarding :)

You'll be great! x

I know you're asking for positives about having children OP, but please know that having a child is earth-shatteringly life-changing, and you don't have to have this baby if you don't want to. Ultimately for your health and your life it may be better for you to not have a child, or not right now, and that's fine. Just make sure YOU really want to be a mother, regardless of how your husband feels.

Yeah it's hard but it's brilliant - no one would have more than 1 if it was completely shit. We've got a great relationship still (DH is very hands on which is key) and I've got a new set of mum mates which is great.

I don't think I've ever laughed as much - from the ridiculous things the 3.5yo comes out with to baby DDs completely inappropriate toilet habits (she managed to do a massive loud poo in children's church yesterday and I couldn't stop laughing)
DS tells me he loves me and it melts my heart
That little hand in yours when they first start toddling
The cute clothes
The sleepy cuddles
When you go in to get them in the morning and they're so excited to see you
When you start weaning and every new food blows their mind!

@GertrudeKerfuffle

I know you're asking for positives about having children OP, but please know that having a child is earth-shatteringly life-changing, and you don't have to have this baby if you don't want to. Ultimately for your health and your life it may be better for you to not have a child, or not right now, and that's fine. Just make sure YOU really want to be a mother, regardless of how your husband feels.

I know this was meant with care and concern, but it’s also what I was hoping to avoid because it implies that feeling worried and anxious about pregnancy makes you abnormal and not the sort of person that should have a child.

I know I don’t have to have it, I know I do want to have it and I know it will be life changing and hard. I’m in my late 30s and I know myself and how my brain works. I’m just an anxious person in general, I was like this before I got a dog, before I got my second dog, before I bought a house, before I changed careers (ESPECIALLY when I changed careers) - but all those things made me really happy so I worried for nothing. I was looking for positive stories because I knew it would kick start the excitement that I deserve to feel and should be feeling if my brain didn’t gravitate to worrying - the beautiful posts on this thread have already done that for me, I’ve had some happy tears and a smile today imagining what it will be like.

I hope this reply doesn’t offend because I do know why you wrote it and I appreciate you taking the time to do so x

Parenting can be really hard at times but it’s also the most wonderful experience I’ve ever had. Lots of the things I thought I’d miss I don’t, really. I’ve not had a night out with just my husband in over a year and if you’d told me that before I became a parent I would have thought “that’ll be awful” - but honestly we love being with our child and we’re happy to have her with us. She’s hilarious and lovely and it’s really nice to see the world through her eyes and watch her get excited about things that I stopped noticing years ago - a dog in the park or a bird in a tree will keep her happy for hours. And the cuddles are the loveliest thing ever! Congratulations OP, you’ll love it (though not all the time - we all have bad days!)

I'm the mother of one 13 year old and I can honestly say being a parent has taken nothing from my life, and added so much. Yes it is tough in the early years but my experience was that love for them is so all consuming it didn't seem like a hardship. As mine has got older I have picked my hobbies back up, and life is very similar to how it was before DC but with a brilliant extra person in it.

These posts are just lovely, I’m so grateful 🧡 I feel excited (and tearful!)

Its good to read these. I was the same as you in my pregnancy and lead myself to reading so much negativity and regret and ended up in a state and diagnosed with PND straight after the birth. Im only a couple of months in but its not been bad at all so far considering I have pnd. I even get enjoyment from it sometimes despite how I'm feeling. I'm trying to take one day at a time and not think about the future until it comes to it. Do you have a supportive family? I do and they have said they will take him regularly for weekends in the future so that I know if I'm struggling it won't be long until I get time to myself. This is very helpful for me. At the moment its all going well

Their cuddles are the best plus they think you are absolutely the best, most beautiful person in the world! And you can still do fun adult things - they just require more forward planning and a babysitter!
Yes, your life will totally change in many ways but it will be wonderful im sure. After all, as you've said all changes are scary but embrace it as you have your other life changes!

@User95659565 thank you for sharing, I’m glad things are going well for you now 🧡 one day at a time is definitely the way to do it. You’ll be fine and your family sound great 😊 my family and friends are great too so I know we won’t be alone.

It does seem like everywhere you look/read it’s people saying how terrible it is and how their lives are destroyed, doesn’t it?! When I’m anxious I get very easily influenced by what I read - so if there’s a load of bad news in the media I’ll search out good news to bring me back to “normal” because life is a mix of good and bad and all sorts. That’s what I’m hoping this thread will do :-)

Our DD is 2.5, the terrible twos are really kicking in lol it's a whirlwind of emotions mess laughter tears frustration and more laughter.

She is currently sitting on my lap picking her nose and giving me the bogies like they are the best gift One could give someone lol.

It's really hard being a parent, but it's the best thing you'll ever do I promise.

Definitely ask for support with your anxiety. Be open and honest with your HV.

The first year I found tough but since then it has been a breeze and utterly amazing. By far and away the best thing I have ever done. The cuddles and kisses are just the most incredible thing. I love seeing the world through DS' eyes and rediscovering all the excitement around holidays and day trips and Christmas etc.

These are the best years of my life and I never want them to end.

I felt similar to you when I was pregnant. Friends kept trying to "prepare" me for the realities of motherhood but instead they just made me feel so anxious that I wouldn't be able to handle it. It definitely is hard and you'll have days where you think you can't do it and are desperate for a break, but that is far far outweighed by the overwhelming, unimaginable love you have for a perfect little person that you have created. Having my daughter opened up another level of happiness that I didn't know existed. She will always be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Hi! I just had to reply as I could of written this myself. When I got pregnant I felt exactly the same and took awhile for it to pass. Worried how different my life would be and how I’d cope. Literally googled anything and everything and panicked when I read anything negative and thought omg what have I done. I knew I’d love my son but couldn’t properly feel it till he was in my arms. The minute he was I never looked back and most of those worries went. My son brings me so much joy. Of course there are hard times but life without a child has hard days too! His kisses and cuddles are everything and just watching him grow each day makes me proud. Such a lovely character and I’d never change it. I love doing all the little things at Christmas, Easter, Halloween etc makes me excited over all the events like when I was a child! I’m pregnant with number 2 now and worries have returned and trying to avoid reading up on things about how hard life is with 2 children lol. I just know that as soon as baby number 2 is here I will find a way to adjust like with just first. Negativity just does all sorts of things and when people post you just don’t know their circumstances or could of literally posted on a bad day. You have lots to look forward to 😊 x

Sorry for long post! I just know exactly how you feel x

I got pregnant by mistake aged 27. I wasn't broody and never looked at babies and wanted one.i thought it was going to be hard work. However it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I was shocked when my child was born of how much I loved him and how much fun it was. I hadn't expected the fun. Seeing the world through a child's innocent mind is brilliant. Yes it can be tiring at times but I loved being around my kids when they were little. I see so many things on the internet about people moaning about their toddlers and I saw friends/colleagues trying to palm off their kids to get some child free time. I used to exercise occasionally but generally loved being around them when not at work and sucked up their energy and spent as much time with them as I could. 19 years on I'm sick of cooking but honestly just embrace the madness when they are little. They are fabulous company.

Being a parent has been the hardest thing and the best thing I have done. I had the fear when I got pregnant too, each time. It's a huge life changing thing so it's not unnatural to worry about it. You are doing just the right thing looking for the positives though.

Today I am taking my eldest to university. I am full of love and pride.

Pregnancy is a scary time I don't think I've ever felt more anxious but when my little boy was born it was totally worth it

Life as I knew it changed but so much for the better my son is 4 months old now and even though I hate mornings and have always been a night owl when he wakes me up at 4 in the morning and smiles at me it's totally worth it

My partner and I have never been closer we work together as a team through the sleepless nights and the fun times

I absolutely hated pregnancy but would do it again in a heartbeat because the reward at the end is so great

Congratulations to you 🥰

These three new posts this morning have brought me to tears! Happy ones though haha. It’s nice to feel excitement rather than constant anxiety about the unknown. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences xx

@TashAnonymous123 the Googling…oh the Googling. I want Google to ban me hahaha. Your post was so lovely, and it is reassuring to know I’m not the only one like this!!! Good luck with your pregnancy ❤️

@Summerlovin24 no one really talks about fun do they! I read your post to my husband and he said “see it IS going to be fun, if there was no fun involved ever for the rest of your days no one would ever have more than one would they” haha. Love “embrace the madness”, might stick that on the fridge!

@ForPingsSake thank you for reassuring me that starting this thread was a good idea! Good luck today ❤️

@Babydust13 I’m a night owl too!!! I’m just awful in the mornings. I’m lucky that I don’t have a job that requires early starts…due to time differences I’m more likely to be working late than early. If I AM up early (rare) my husband asks me if the bed caught fire am a bit worried about that tbh but I’m sure I’ll adapt haha. Feeling constantly nauseous is actually helping me get some practice in!!!

@WorryMcGee trust me I still have days when I'd much rather be in bed I do all the night shifts in the week because hubby gets up for work but luckily my son is a good sleeper it's rare that he wakes in the night

Pregnancy will probably get you used to early mornings I used to fall asleep by 8 on the sofa and then be wide awake by 7

There's so much to think about and plan but somehow it all works it's self out and the first time you see your baby a lot of the worry will fade away

I think if I didn't have kids, I would feel as if there is something massive missing from my life. I was someone who was very ambitious, driven and had lots of my own hobbies. Fitting those in alongside children is a challenge, particularly in the early years, but not impossible, and it gets easier. It's important to keep part of yourself. However, when you have kids, an overwhelming feeling of wanting them to be happy and have the best life possible takes over you, so you go with it.

Every stage of their life is different and you experience so much that you wouldn't have otherwise. The thing I've found most difficult is (seems obvious, but..) when my children say 'no' and don't do as they're told. I think some forward thinking, with caring strategies for managing behaviour would make a big difference. Use the advice on the web - like Supernanny, or whoever's strategies you prefer. I think it's important to be realistic - and not expect perfection - just put strategies in place and then enjoy their lovely little personalities.