What? Overprotective parents!

[beigebrownblue]

Ok. I'm a cautious parent.

DD has more than two friends. It is her sixteenth birthday in about two weeks.

Over the past few months i have racked my brains as to how to do something special. They worked really hard and their prom got cancelled.

Together we came up with the idea that we would hire two chalets in a very nice caravan park, not TEN miles away from where we live.

It has lovely reviews, no stag or hen parties, CCTV. Lovely restaurant.
I booked in advance and it is costing me 666.00 for three nights. That is not including breakfast and I have packed up four bags full of food and staples, as teenagers would like to cook.

One of the parents' mothers is overprotective, I feel. She has voiced concerns about the teenagers being 'supervised'. Her daughter is sixteen already. As is one of the other girls.

They are all lovely girls and very responsible.

I have reassured the parent concerned, but to be honest they are verging on being very rude about it. I have paid 222 pounds each for each child, without food.

The place is an amazing place, and as I said ten miles from home.

I feel as if the parents attitude is spoling everything. I have even said pop in for the afternoon etc. would love to see you.

The mother concerned is anxious in other ways, has not been vaccinated, which I was shocked about.

To be honest, I've had another message this evening along the lines of parent needing to check out the venue and i feel like cancelling now altogether.

Any other parent I know would be overjoyed that a mother would be prepared to take three sixteen year olds away. It is such a safe place.

How to I get through tomorow without having major row with the parent, I am so cross and they are so ungrateful. 222 pounds each per young person. Honestly?

The chalets are well nigh opposite each other. It is a very quiet site and

I’m so sorry for your daughter. I hope you can still go and another friend can join you. It sounds lovely.

I am amazed that parents are so over protective. How are our children supposed to mature into rounded adults if they are deemed, at 16 (assuming no medical issues or SN) not competent enough to spend a night in a chalet with a responsible adult across a path.

I am an over cautious parent. I can't imagine worrying about this - you'll be right there!

Time to say decide as I'll need to invite another friend and leave it at that.

I'm sure if needs be the two of them will have a lovely time. It's a great idea.

Sounds a lovely idea. I did something similar for my DD with 3 friends. I was in the other camping pod next door. There was a pub nearby which did good meals so I asked each girl to bring £10 for a meal out one night. I sorted all other food. It’s quite a job to consider and organise everything. The girls are going for a few days of ‘safe freedom’ and you are doing all the work to make it so. I took and dropped the friends off after the weekend. One mum had gone out to get herself a ‘proper coffee’ and left us waiting for 3/4 hour. She was quite put out that she had to come back.....didn’t apologise or say thanks!
You are doing it for your daughter who will love it. Grin and bear the rest with patience. 😉

I’m just thinking about my friend whose brother died at 16 in unclear circumstances.
If she was a bit funny about letting her 16 yr old son go away with an unfamiliar adult, I really wouldn’t blame her.

And another friend who survived a civil war in their own teenage years but lost friends and family. Should i judge them for being concerned about letting teenagers spend time with unknown adults? Maybe different country/ circumstance, but the deep fear of being kidnapped into militia isn’t easy to let go of.

These people carry trauma with them from their own adolescence. Will if affect their kids? Undoubtably. Is there much you can do about it?

You might not know about trauma this parent has.

@Igneo

I’m just thinking about my friend whose brother died at 16 in unclear circumstances. If she was a bit funny about letting her 16 yr old son go away with an unfamiliar adult, I really wouldn’t blame her.

And another friend who survived a civil war in their own teenage years but lost friends and family. Should i judge them for being concerned about letting teenagers spend time with unknown adults? Maybe different country/ circumstance, but the deep fear of being kidnapped into militia isn’t easy to let go of.

These people carry trauma with them from their own adolescence. Will if affect their kids? Undoubtably. Is there much you can do about it?

You might not know about trauma this parent has.

Well if parents have unresolved trauma, it's up to them to get help so that they don't put completely unfair strictures on their children's lives. My parents lived in London during WWII. Their family and friends were killed. They still let me and my siblings go out and do perfectly normal things as a teenager

Sure it’s up to them to get help, but I’d still hold off judging too harshly if they were finding it hard.
It may be that things only come to a head once the kids get to the age/ stage the parents were when the trauma happened.

@Igneo

Sure it’s up to them to get help, but I’d still hold off judging too harshly if they were finding it hard. It may be that things only come to a head once the kids get to the age/ stage the parents were when the trauma happened.

If you're that anxious, you don't let someone else fork out over £200 for your kid.

Does seem a bit overprotective. When I was 16 and my friend had passed her driving test we booked a chalet by the seaside 4 hours away for the week. We went to the beach during the day, made dinner and watched films in the evening. We drank some alcohol in the chalet in the evenings but not to excess.

Sometimes when I read Mumsnet it makes me wonder if I should be more feral. What my parents considered giving me responsibility, stricter MNers call neglect

I don't see how they're unsupervised when you're actually going to be there?

They are a few feet away if there is a problem and you can check in on them at any point. The mum is going way over the top.

I'd be clarifying whether she is actually going to let her daughter come so your DD can invite someone else asap.

Just get on with it. Say, could you let me know if she’s coming so that we can plan food etc. If she’s coming then great, if not then your daughter could invite someone else if she likes. You can’t control the mum’s decision but you'd be reasonable to ask for a clear answer either way.

Maybe best to stop expecting gratitude and just focus on giving your daughter a good birthday treat. It sounds like a great idea to me.

When I was 16 I stayed in my friend's lodge with her and another friend for a long weekend. We were all 16 and unsupervised.

I'm not sure whether some parents are just too precious nowadays. But I'm so grateful that my parents allowed me certain freedoms to enjoy myself at that age. I made great memories during my summer holiday celebrating exams being over!

Just wanted to post to thank everyone for their time in posting here.

Good news. The teens have managed brilliantly and very much seems like they appreciated the few days.

Just in response to one poster, who assumed I was an 'unknown' adutl to the parents concerned. I'm not 'unknown' I've known them for a good few years, so was very surprised to come across this situation.

It's one of those things as a parent that was completely unexpected.

Do think also there is a bit of a difference to say the least in parenting style.

I'm a single parent and do wonder if sometimes people have misconceptions about that. And perhaps also stereotypes? Although obviously I've met many who don't.

As it turns out, I've carried on with the policy of 'being on hand' a short distance away if needed and checking in several times a day and it has all been fine.

As far as the money is concerned, it has been a push to do this for me. Yes, my decisions, but was aware of what a terrible year some of this age group have had.

Glad it has all worked out fine.

It is supervised. It's not like you're leaving them there and going home.

@Harrysmummy246

It is supervised. It's not like you're leaving them there and going home.

Thanks H.

If they are already 16 yes that is very over protective. You will be on the same site with them! I would love another parent to provide that opportunity for my daughter to try a bit of independence and it sounds like safe fun for them. In two years they could be off living in student flats - this is good practice surely?

@AegonT

If they are already 16 yes that is very over protective. You will be on the same site with them! I would love another parent to provide that opportunity for my daughter to try a bit of independence and it sounds like safe fun for them. In two years they could be off living in student flats - this is good practice surely?

Thanks. Aegon.

Yes, the feedback I got from DD was that it was a bit like 'sharing a flat' for a limited time.

They managed to get by without arguing. So it was safe fun. If a bit nerve wracking for me.

We were lucky though as the site was quiet.

Thanks Aegon for comment. I'm chilling out now, felt like I was on duty times three.