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What? Overprotective parents!

66 replies

beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 00:10

Ok. I'm a cautious parent.

DD has more than two friends. It is her sixteenth birthday in about two weeks.

Over the past few months i have racked my brains as to how to do something special. They worked really hard and their prom got cancelled.

Together we came up with the idea that we would hire two chalets in a very nice caravan park, not TEN miles away from where we live.

It has lovely reviews, no stag or hen parties, CCTV. Lovely restaurant.
I booked in advance and it is costing me 666.00 for three nights. That is not including breakfast and I have packed up four bags full of food and staples, as teenagers would like to cook.

One of the parents' mothers is overprotective, I feel. She has voiced concerns about the teenagers being 'supervised'. Her daughter is sixteen already. As is one of the other girls.

They are all lovely girls and very responsible.

I have reassured the parent concerned, but to be honest they are verging on being very rude about it. I have paid 222 pounds each for each child, without food.

The place is an amazing place, and as I said ten miles from home.

I feel as if the parents attitude is spoling everything. I have even said pop in for the afternoon etc. would love to see you.

The mother concerned is anxious in other ways, has not been vaccinated, which I was shocked about.

To be honest, I've had another message this evening along the lines of parent needing to check out the venue and i feel like cancelling now altogether.

Any other parent I know would be overjoyed that a mother would be prepared to take three sixteen year olds away. It is such a safe place.

How to I get through tomorow without having major row with the parent, I am so cross and they are so ungrateful. 222 pounds each per young person. Honestly?

The chalets are well nigh opposite each other. It is a very quiet site and

OP posts:
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QueenofLouisiana · 23/08/2021 07:55

It sounds lovely, it would be a shame for the friend to miss it. DS and mates did a short walking holiday this year while waiting for GCSE results- being away on their own was very good for all of them.
I think you’ve done all you can for this parent to feel ok about it all. Would DD have a reserve choice friend- just in case?

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 23/08/2021 07:55

Just continue with your plan and if she comes then great! Will your daughter enjoy it if this one friend doesn't turn up?

Perhaps ask what they want you to do?
Offer to check in on them at certain times of day and send a quick text update to parents?

Savoretti · 23/08/2021 07:59

I would ask her to please let me know by the end of the day if her DD is coming or not. If not you will invite someone else

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WTF475878237NC · 23/08/2021 09:22

I don't mean to be rude but something about the way you have written your OP means your plans weren't crystal clear. Perhaps the other parent hasn't quite understood either.

beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 09:38

@LarryVeest

Do they definitely understand that you'll be in a chalet nearby? It wasn't very clear from your OP.
Thanks, yes, I explained it to the mum in question in a forty minute phone call, told her about website, explained about arrangments etc. As I said, it is only ten miles away.
OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 09:39

@QueenofLouisiana

It sounds lovely, it would be a shame for the friend to miss it. DS and mates did a short walking holiday this year while waiting for GCSE results- being away on their own was very good for all of them. I think you’ve done all you can for this parent to feel ok about it all. Would DD have a reserve choice friend- just in case?
Thanks, there is three of them, so assuming third friend coming. No problem with that family at all. No bother.
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beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 09:41

@knobblykneesandturnedouttoes

Just continue with your plan and if she comes then great! Will your daughter enjoy it if this one friend doesn't turn up?

Perhaps ask what they want you to do?
Offer to check in on them at certain times of day and send a quick text update to parents?

Thanks. I will be around all the time anyway, to supervise it they need it.

I'm assuming though since two are sixteen and the other one nearly sixteen, that they can update their parents themselves.

Think the issue is really letting them have a certain amount of independnece. Unfortunately the family concerned seems to think that they are not entitled to any at all. I don't get it. Not as if we are heading for the Australian outback, or going bungee jumping for goodness sake, the most they are going to get up to is a walk on the beach.

OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 09:44

@Kite22

Are you going to be there with them, or have you booked it for the friends to go without an adult ?

How many 16 yr olds will there be ? (You said she has "more than two friends")

Why did you book two chalets, rather than them all staying together ?

In truth, the amount you have decided to splurge on your dd's birthday isn't anything to do with the other parent. That is your choice / decision.

More than two friends was just a general comment as in, they are socialbe and outgoing. Didn't mean there were 'more than two friends' coming along.

Yes, get the point about the money. Howeer, if I'm feeding them for three days solid, most other parents I know would at least have said 'that's nice, thanks;.

Was quite frankly annoyed that all they are doing is complaining.

OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 09:46

Thanks very much for all replies and support.
Could have done without other family making things difficult.
Its been a stretch to organise it.

If someone said to me, 'I'm planning to take the teenagers away for three days and willing to pay for it' to get fresh air and for a break I would have just said

'Oh great thanks, brilliant
.

OP posts:
Savoretti · 23/08/2021 09:48

I seriously wouldn’t listen to her complaints would simply say if she would rather her daughter doesn’t come that’s fine and invite someone else. Don’t try and justify yourself

ACPC · 23/08/2021 09:53

Yanbu at all. I would be shocked too. They are 16 and have an adult 100 yards away. This wouldn't worry me at all. Is it possible that due to lockdown, the girl hasn't had much independence and the parents have regressed? My DD12 was asked to go into town on the bus with friends, and I said no recently because she hasn't been on a bus without me or been into town without an adult, a step in her development has been missed due to lockdown.

TheFairyCaravan · 23/08/2021 09:53

Ask her to let you know if her DD is coming because you’re going to invite someone else if not. Don’t cancel it because she’s acting like a tit. I bet her DD is mortified.

beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 09:53

@Savoretti

I seriously wouldn’t listen to her complaints would simply say if she would rather her daughter doesn’t come that’s fine and invite someone else. Don’t try and justify yourself
Thanks for this comment. I wish I had posted for advice when this whole thing started.

I wish I had just said what you suggested i.e 'if she would rather her daughter doesn't come that's fine...' etc.

I've really tried to be understanding as her daughter is a lovely young woman, I really like her and I'm sure she would appreicate the break with her friends.

So I've really really tried to remain polite in this difficult negotiation which I've never experienced before with any set of parents at all.The whole thing is new to me.

I can only assume there are dynamics in that family going on (as they do in all families) that I'm not aware of.

OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 09:54

@ACPC

Yanbu at all. I would be shocked too. They are 16 and have an adult 100 yards away. This wouldn't worry me at all. Is it possible that due to lockdown, the girl hasn't had much independence and the parents have regressed? My DD12 was asked to go into town on the bus with friends, and I said no recently because she hasn't been on a bus without me or been into town without an adult, a step in her development has been missed due to lockdown.
Yes, I think you are right.
OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 09:56

@TheFairyCaravan

Ask her to let you know if her DD is coming because you’re going to invite someone else if not. Don’t cancel it because she’s acting like a tit. I bet her DD is mortified.
Yes, I think her DD will be.
OP posts:
Clymene · 23/08/2021 09:58

Tell her that she's got until the end of the day to let you know if her daughter is coming and then have a back up ready to go.

It sounds lovely and she's being really silly

beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 09:59

Re the booking ahead.

Booked several months ago, about three, with the full knowledge and acceptance that I might have to cancel if someone got ill,

Also, it was actually really difficult to get somewhere that was suitable, and I changed the dates twice to accomodate the other person and their family, to get dates which would suit everyone.

Honestly, I really have tried not to moan, but I'm getting to the stage where I'm really wondering why I even bothered.

Personally, I have a lot of respect for people who organise things like this ,as there is quite a lot involved especially self catering.

OP posts:
FreeBritnee · 23/08/2021 10:02

I went on holiday to Ibiza as a 14 year old with three 19 years olds and had the best time ever. So personally I don’t see an issue. Invite someone else?

WaterLeakWoes · 23/08/2021 10:04

Dd had a friend in Year 7 who had difficult parents. It was a relief when the child moved to a different class as the parents were such Hard work. A shame as the girl was nice.

Quitelikeacatslife · 23/08/2021 10:07

My daughter is same age , I'm pretty protective and I let her go camping with mixed group of friends with no adults. Because I trust her and they need to learn some independence and have had so little fun with friends this last couple of years. Of course I worried but she was fine.
This I would not worry about at all!
I suppose if the poor girl didn't come you could cancel one chalet and stay in with the others, save some money? Just keep out of their way a bit?

Lifeishitsometimes · 23/08/2021 10:11

How absolutely ridiculous. The only possible justification I can think of is if there is something about the girl that you don't know that would make her have issues being away from home, or something about you that raises legitimate concerns (sorry, but a possibility altho sure doesn't apply to you here!).

Poor kid is going to have a lifetime of issues if she isn't allowed anywhere. Or, more likely, she will break free to uni, take loads of drugs, drink herself daft and not go home again except for Christmas and summer....

MrsMiddleMother · 23/08/2021 10:14

Why should the anxious mother give a shit how much YOU chose to spend for your daughters birthday? You're not doing it for her kid, you're doing it for your daughter. She is obviously concerned that 3 teenagers will be alone in a chalet, it doesn't matter if you're 'opposite' they are still alone and as a parent she has a right to be concerned.

Seeline · 23/08/2021 10:16

IT does sound daft. I would have been happy with that set-up.

WOuld she let her DD come for a day rather than staying overnight?

GlaskinsPerpetual · 23/08/2021 10:16

No good deed goes unpunished!
If she fails to thank you at the end of it send her a WhatsApp saying "You're welcome!"

GlaskinsPerpetual · 23/08/2021 10:18

How will she cope in 2 years time if her dd moves away to uni? Shock She won't have parents a short distance away then! Shock

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