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Parenting

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Original poster

Did the super nanny back to bed method work for you?

43 replies

Londonlady92 · 17/08/2021 07:29

We are struggling so much as a family my almost 3 year old DD for the past 3 months has decided she does not want to sleep or stay in bed at bedtime we've tried everything but the super nanny technique (bedtime darling second time bedtime, 3rd+ just putting them in bed)

I fear using this technique because she will scream and hit when she can't get her way and is the most stubborn toddler I have ever known.

Needing to know if its worked for stubborn kids? Or am I just going to cause more stress for us all?

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JurassicPark101 · 17/08/2021 07:30

It didn’t work for me. He’s 5 now and still doesn’t sleep all night

Goodebe · 17/08/2021 08:03

No just additional stress, 45 minutes plus iof standing on the landing returning them to bed, screaming... ended up with a 2&3 year old in bed with me because it’s not worth the horror show

Guineapigbridge · 17/08/2021 08:10

It did on two of my three kids, yes, the nice kids. The other one I had to teach her that I meant business by basically locking her in her room. She kept coming out, and out, and out and it did my head in. I'm not proud of it really buy in the scheme of things it was one night when she was about 2 and I never had to do it again. She always went to bed like a dream at 7pm after a story after that. I figure a well rested kid for the past ten years is worth a bit of temporary toddler sadness.

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Amammai · 17/08/2021 08:11

Some ideas to help…Is bedtime at the right time for her? Does she have enough calm down time before bed? Does she have enough warning that bedtime is coming up? Is her bedroom a nice space to be in? Can you sit with her/cuddle her until she falls asleep? Would she respond to a sticker chart to reward when she stays in her room?

Guineapigbridge · 17/08/2021 08:12

I guess what I'm saying is, it was a nightmare, I cried afterward, but it was bloody worth it.

Guineapigbridge · 17/08/2021 08:13

Sitting cuddling your kid to sleep is a very quick way to lose your entire evening and your sanity. Start as you mean to continue. Bedtime story, kiss goodnight and outa there is my advice.

LongLiveGoblingKing · 17/08/2021 08:19

Yes we use this technique. First couple of nights he tried it on and we were walking him back to bed a million times, but he soon understood we weren't messing around.

Now the most he ever comes out of his room is 3 times, and this is on days he's being particularly willful. Most nights he just goes straight to bed.

So yes give it a go but prepare to lose evenings to it in the first few nights.

SallyDontTouchThatPie · 17/08/2021 08:23

If you don't stick with it all it does is teach them that they just have to kick off for 45 minutes to get their own way. Yes it is distressing to see your children cry, but they are not crying in pain, they are crying because they are not getting their own way. You know that they need sleep, this is helping them achieve that sleep.

I have had to do sleep training with my child but that was because he was very poorly as a baby, under a paediatrician and so his sleep wasn't the greatest because his illness woke him in pain.

Once he was well then we had to do sleep training. Admittedly he was in a cot but I laid him down around 150 times the first night. It took me 3 nights to crack it. You just have to be more determined than they are. I had another child to consider whilst I did this so we used school holidays then he wasn't like a zombie for school.

Yes it does work, not only proven by Supernanny but other child development professionals. You just have to be prepared to do it over a few nights and sit on the landing, don't go downstairs. No talking, no eye contact. Or you can be sleep deprived for the next few years.

UserStillatLarge · 17/08/2021 08:24

It didn't work for me. We did it hundreds of times for a couple of weeks but had to give up due to exhaustion.

On SuperNanny the only children that it seemed to be used on were ones who had no boundaries around bedtimes, so I guess it's no surprise that putting any boundaries in place had fast results.

We saw results by putting stairgates on the stair (so child couldn't go downstairs) and on our bedroom door (so child couldn't get into our bedroom). If we'd had a child in nappies we would probably have put one on their door instead, but we wanted our child to be able to get up and go to the toilet.

The strategy was recommended by the sleep clinic. The first time your child gets up you go and check what's wrong - so you can ascertain they are not ill for example. If there's no actual problem you simply tell them to go back to bed and remind them that they dont' get out of bed in the night unless they have a good reason - don't take them. There afterwards, simply ignore any of their shouts and protests. If your child is amenable to it, you can link this to sticker charts. With this method our child was sleeping 7.30-5 most nights within 4 days.

Laaaaa · 17/08/2021 08:25

Did it fuck. Nothing worked

Soontobe60 · 17/08/2021 08:27

I used it with my younger dd. It does work, if it’s combined with a fairly fixed routine and you stick to it. It took about a week but we combined it with putting a safety gate across her bedroom door after a few days so she couldn’t actually get out of her bedroom.
When she was big enough to climb over the gate we removed it but found that she did t actually get up most nights.

I believe routine is the most important thing for a settled bedtime. (and trying to remain calm, and not giving in to their demands 🤣)

GoWalkabout · 17/08/2021 08:27

Yes. You have to stick to it though, so only do it if you have concluded its for the best for your child. Commit.

PieMaster · 17/08/2021 08:29

We had a loving routine that involved bath, stories, songs. After that we did this method for all three. The spoilt, strong willed youngest took fucking ages but we did it as boringly as possible for a few nights and never looked back. I would have hated to be one of those people that spent 2 hours putting the DC to bed.

Original poster

Londonlady92 · 17/08/2021 08:29

Guess all I can do is try. I'm desperate its been the worst 3 months for me, my husband and eldest.

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megletthesecond · 17/08/2021 08:30

No.
After two weeks I was still putting her back 30 times (from a peak of 90). Had to give up in the end as I was getting run down and needed energy for work.
She didn't sleep properly until she was 8, in fact she's almost 13 and slept in my bed last night.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 17/08/2021 08:45

Worked after one night for us but we did use the technique the very first night she transferred from a cot to a bed.

Original poster

Londonlady92 · 17/08/2021 09:00

The worst part is before 3 months ago she would go to bed no problem, self settle and sleep 12 hours.

Its seem like a phase that just isn't passing so I know she can do it I just need to get tough.

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AlwaysLatte · 17/08/2021 09:17

It didn't work for us. We would take them back to bed and snuggle up with them or if we'd already gone to bed they'd get in with us - all very quietly - no lights or talking, just gently ssshing and they'd go off quite quickly. Sometimes my husband would read his engineering manual to them 😂
Usually they needed reassurance so just shooing them back to bed alone again wasn't really the answer.

OryxAndCrake11 · 17/08/2021 09:27

It didn't work for us, and I found it so so frustrating, and I'm normally very patient. Shameless bribery worked here - I wrapped up lots of small £1 presents, made a lucky dip, and if 3 yo DS stayed in bed he could pick one in the morning. Worked straight away!

Original poster

Londonlady92 · 17/08/2021 09:34

Bribery hasn't worked, it did for my eldest but dd is a different breed.

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Brown76 · 17/08/2021 09:38

No we realised we couldn’t (both) stick to it. Things that helped were going back to check on them in 5/10/15 mins. Bribing with the promise of a smartie in the morning (could use a vitamin).

Flowers2020bloom · 17/08/2021 09:45

I used it with my youngest but 2 hours was always my breaking point so he would hold out for then and end up in my bed anyway. Until enough was enough and I sat it out for as long as it needed - more than 3 hours the first night, 2 the second and finally settled around 45mins to 1 hour for a few months after that so be prepared to put the effort into sticking with it if you do go ahead. A staircase across the bedroom door also helped. Not going to lie - it was awful but I couldn't go on with how we were and once we got over those first few days, both dc and me were better for it

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 17/08/2021 09:45

We used it and it worked for us eventually.

I fear using this technique because she will scream and hit when she can't get her way

I do think that this is a much bigger concern though. Maybe the hitting and screaming tantrums should be addressed first.

Original poster

Londonlady92 · 17/08/2021 10:02

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken we've been trying for a long time, hoping starting pre school in September helps alot too.

OP posts:

RamblesShambles · 17/08/2021 10:05

It works. If you stick to it. My DS1 was the most stubborn small person I've ever known. There were lots of tears (from me) but eventually he got the point. However, if you don't stick to it all it will do is teach the kids that if they carry on for long enough you'll just give in.

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