Tell me it gets easier :(

[buckingmad]

Ftm to 16 day old baby and ebf. Finding the nights really really tough as she refuses to be put down to sleep until 4-6am. I end up almost permanently feeding her in this time and there isn’t much DH can do so I tell him to sleep but I find it so lonely. I also struggle so much to stay awake. Can’t seem to get the hang of bf lying down.

I end up getting weepy from about 5pm and can’t stomach dinner as I completely dread the nights.

Friends have said 4 weeks and 6 weeks are big turning points. Right now I just feel completely overwhelmed and like there is no end in sight.

Sweetheart, it's so so tough. I promise you these early days will pass. Be gentle with yourself. Ask for help. You're doing a great job x

It really, really does get better. I treated nights as part of the day, watched box sets, drank tea, had a snack and then slept when I could in the day.

Hang in there

It definitely gets better! Hang in there. Both my kids were EBF, I couldn’t believe how shattered I was first time around. They feed a lot at first to build up your supply.

Don’t forget to stay hydrated- it might be you aren’t drinking enough at night and baby is sucking for that reason too. Keep a bottle of water by you at all times.

Congrats on becoming a mum, xx

and

It is so hard at the beginning. Your baby is so small and may be going through a huge growth spurt or something.

All I can suggest is - are you sleeping during the day? Do this whenever you can. Also maybe tonight your DH could sit with you, to avoid the loneliness?

I promise it will end in the end. I remember it well, the exhaustion.

This sounds exactly like me with my first born. Honestly it does get easier. Sleep deprivation is a killer especially first time round. I remember the evening dread well! Hang on in there it will pass. Ive now a 3 1/2 Yr old and a 5 month old!

As someone else said, these early days are tough! Hang in there, it really does get better, and quicker than you think.

I struggled with breastfeeding and I remember nighttime being the worst, I was like you and I started to dread the evenings and I'd feel anxious from around 6pm. The nights felt soooo long and I felt that lonely feeling too (even though my dh was there for me)
I was all emotional and teary. But it gets better and these tough days soon become much less often than the good days and my oldest is now 5 and I've got a one year old too.

You've got this! Us Mums are much stronger than we think.

The first few weeks are often incredibly intense. There are rare easy babies out there, but most are just constant balls of need in the beginning. I promise it gets easier. Your friends are not wrong. 4 and 6 weeks will be turning points. There will still be times you are exhausted after that, but this crazy intensity will not last forever.

If you have a partner, the best thing you can do is just accept that your only responsibility right now is to hold and feed your baby. Don’t do chores. Don’t cook. Let your partner bring you easy to eat food.

My EBF babies got easier around 8/9 months but it goes quicker than you think it will and you get used to being desperately tired. Keep going! Try to laugh about how shit is! Have a glass of wine! Have a messy house! Binge watch love island! You can do it

Everything is a phase. This phase will pass and the next one will come whjch may be harder or easier but will be different. It's bloody awful but it will end eventually.

12 weeks for me was when it started to seem worthwhile as they interact but it was still a long road - i also remember crying at the prospect of another night sat in a chair all night as she wouldn't lie down.

If there are no risk factors and you can do it safely, research co-sleeping - that way you can sleep while they feed. I know you're struggling with feeding lying down now but keep trying.

And take ALL the naps through the day - sleep when baby sleeps. Sod all other things and just sleep at every opportunity. When you're husband is not working, take time to go and sleep and refresh as much as possible. Hang in there! .

Oh honey. You’re deep in the trenches right now, in the hardest part. I so clearly remember that feeling of dreading night time and it being so long and lonely.

I promise it does get easier. Within a few weeks your baby will figure out the difference between night and day and will be able to stretch out their windows of sleep.

6 weeks was a turning point for me, it definitely got easier from that point.

If you can, try to get outside with your baby for some fresh air and su shine every day. It helps to develop your baby’s circadian rhythm which is what lets them understand that night and day are different, and it will make you feel better too.

You’re so close to the threshold of things getting better. Hang in there, you’re doing so well

I felt exactly the same way. You're at one of the hardest points - the early adrenaline and excitement has worn off and the sleep deprivation has crept in. I remember dreading the nights from about 2pm and then sitting up all night with the baby on me willing the sun to come up again. It's brutal but it does get better. It's a bit tricky to aim for specific points as you'll end up pinning a lot of hope to them and being disappointed if things aren't easier immediately. They'll probably improve gradually and you may not notice at first, but one day soon you'll have your evenings back and you'll get a bit more sleep and things will start to feel more manageable. You will be fine!

Oh love it's so so tough the first weeks but yes it gets easier. Sleep whenever you can! Get headphones and watch Netflix on your phone or read a book. You're doing amazing by bf responsively that's amazing!

Baby and you are both still adjusting it takes time.

X

I remember the fear of the nights. It does pass so quickly though, don't despair.

Yes, it gets easier. The first few weeks are huge shock to the system and BF can be arduous when you are getting established, but later it is much less faffy leaving the house as you have your supply on tap/no sterilising bottles to think about. You’ll get into the swing of things. Hang in there. X

All your messages made me tear up.

I haven’t been to sleep at all. I’m in a circle of feed, wind, go to put down and she wakes and then cycle starts again. I’ve had my latch checked at la leche and a midwife run clinic and both said good yet I think these constant feeds during the night just aren’t allowing them to heal. I’m so desperate to keep bf but I just don’t know if I can do it. I’ve been crying all night.

I had a traumatic birth ending in emergency c section and I just feel so overwhelmed by it all.

I’m in a circle of feed, wind, go to put down and she wakes and then cycle starts again.

I coped by having a circle of feed, pass to father while I slept, feed, pass to father while I slept. He slept while I fed.

Why are you doing this all on your own? You need both of you to get through this phase.

If the BF isn’t working for you, you have already done the most important part in giving your baby your colostrum. My DS2 was in special care/NICU and tube and bottle fed for the first week. When he came home he wouldn’t breast feed. I expressed for 6 weeks but I didn’t fight it, despite EBF my eldest for 7 months. Do what you need to do to stay cheerful and sane and don’t beat yourself up about it if BF doesn’t take for you. Happy Mum, happy baby.

@lannistunut

I’m in a circle of feed, wind, go to put down and she wakes and then cycle starts again.

I coped by having a circle of feed, pass to father while I slept, feed, pass to father while I slept. He slept while I fed.

Why are you doing this all on your own? You need both of you to get through this phase.

We tried this but she didn’t settle at all with him so we decided on him staying up with me for company until 2 and then he may as well go to sleep and get 5-6 hours unbroken so he can take her for walks etc during the day. From 10pm to 6am she seems to either want to be on boob or asleep in my arms. Nothing else.

Oh lovely. Yes, I promise it gets better. This is the worst bit.

Are your nipples painful? You could try nipples shields, I know they say not to but if you're struggling it's worth a try (I wish I had).

If baby is ever asleep or just content while DH is home, go sleep. You can't survive on no sleep. Try to get outside during the day - preferably morning - every day, as it helps baby learn the difference between day and night. Fresh air will help you feel better too. I remember one awful day I made myself a nest on the sofa with duvet and pillows, and every time my son feel asleep I put him in the crib next to the sofa and slept too. I probably only got 20 minute bursts, but it got me through.

Also your DH needs to be doing literally everything else as you can't. It's not for long, but it's depressing to live in a messy house so he needs to say least get your main living areas sorted and feed you. And do you have any family or friends who could come over to help? I remember holding my friend's baby for hours one day while she napped and then cleaned, and I took over while she feed him.

And lastly - you can switch to either combi feeding or formula if you want to. You've done brilliantly, she's got the good stuff.

To repeat what everyone else has said - it does get easier, I promise!
Personally I’d ditch the whole winding thing. I think it adds unnecessary time. Just feed, quick pay/rub on back then put down. If baby is colicky then you might need to go back to it but try without.
I wish I’d tried nipple shields. It can be so sore. Try and preservere for a few more days with bf-ing. Then after that if it’s still hard then introduce a couple of formula feeds a day. I combi fed, was great.

I know it's not a popular thing to say, but you don't have to persevere with BF if you don't want to. Getting sleep and your mental health are absolutely paramount in terms of looking after your baby. I know EBF is the done thing on here, but a bottle of formula won't do any harm. EBF is so hard, and people will come along and dispute this, but in my experience breastfed babies feed more frequently through the night for a long time. If your partner can do at least one feed, you can get a chunk of sleep. Express milk if you want to?

I've been there and it's very, very difficult. The early days are the hardest, and it does get better, but some babies are boob monsters and it's ok to prioritize your sleep and health a bit. You don't have to exclusively breastfeed to the detriment of everything else.

I remember those days very well, OP, I could cry just reading your post because it’s brought it all back.
I’ve done EBF for two years and I’ve also done 3 months bf and then formula. Both my kids turned out well and you’d never know which had which (they’re now 13 and 7). I’m not telling you what to do at all, but don’t allow guilt to stop you from making that call. Could you express and your husband takes a couple feeds at night? I completely feel for you because my breastfed baby didn’t take bottles and also refused dummies (so she completely used me as a pacifier, it was a comfort thing).

You’re doing amazing. Keep trying with bf lying down as well, co sleeping and breastfeeding when sleeping was what saved me.

Good luck 😍

I am one who expressed for a night feed, DH did a feed about 11pm and I slept. You are sleep deprived and honestly that makes everything really hard. You are doing a fantastic job, as others have said it will pass. It is normal that your baby wants you but in order to function you do need to look after yourself as much as you can.

The only way I got through this was to write off the night before. DD is now 3 and still wakes a few times a night and is up with the larks. Her older siblings were not great sleepers but better than she has ever been.
It gets to 6.30am and we get up and start the day, and I mentally write it off and hope for the best the next night.
What gets me through is the goal of her being independent, not sleeping through. When she can wake and occupy herself safely without disturbing me. Even some adults I know wake through the night so that's not the goal I'm focusing on.
You're doing great 👍

I should also mention she still BF to sleep and in the morning (mainly so it buys me a bit of time)