Is 18 months too young for discipline

[Mouscadoo]

Might be a stupid question but is 18 months too young to start introducing discipline. For instance "if you keep throwing this on the floor I will have to put you down". Is this futile with an 18 month old?

I think natural consequences are a good idea. 1. We don't throw toys. 2. I said we don't throw toy, don't do it again. 3. I'm taking it away, we don't throw toys. The repetition of it will eventually sink in but they are exploring boundaries so it's just about being consistent rather than expecting them to understand straight away x

No, most of a child's sense of right and wrong is already established by 18 months

I mean no, as in not futile! and you really can't leave it any later to start discipline

You have probably already started with discouraging unwanted behaviour and praising wanted behaviour without really realising it. With an 18 months old, the kind of language in your example isn't going to be understood by your child. But you can certainly say a simpler phrase like "we don't throw toys" and then put her down if she continues.

The urge to throw or hit won’t go away though, they’re not mature enough to control the emotions and you shouldn’t expect them to. Acknowledge the behaviour then redirect them if you like (but at this age this is more for you to have an illusion of control than for them.)

Also kids at that age throw stuff on the floor because they like the reassurance of it predictably falling on the floor. Learning about cause and effect etc. Especially food. My dining room carpet never recovered! They will get bored of it soon enough.

I think putting them down is perhaps a slightly harsh punishment, but we've all had days like that!
I would do a firm 'no' to 2 month old biting whilst feeding so would go with 'there is no such thing as too young for discipline'.
For a 18 month old I would take toys off them that they are throwing and threaten no biscuit at snacktime if they don't play nicely. Sort of doesn't matter if they don't 'get it' yet - every month makes a difference at that age.

I think that putting a child down is frowned upon at any age.
just because you gave him life it doesn't mean you can take it away

Rather than putting the baby down I would say, if you keep throwing the toy, I'm going to have to have to take it away (and perhaps give them something they are allowed to throw like a ball etc.) Also, 18 months is still young and they are just naturally inquisitive and learning cause and effect. Mine is nearer to two and I think she is beginning to understand this more now. How to talk so little kids will listen is a good book to read.

No, most of a child's sense of right and wrong is already established by 18 months

@54321nought absolute rubbish!

I think putting them down is perhaps a slightly harsh punishment, but we've all had days like that!

Honestly, it has never even occurred to me to discipline my 16 month old for throwing a toy. Why can’t they throw toys, is it really that big a deal? Surely they’re just exploring at that age!

@newmum234

Honestly, it has never even occurred to me to discipline my 16 month old for throwing a toy. Why can’t they throw toys, is it really that big a deal? Surely they’re just exploring at that age!

I agree with this.

@nonono1

No, most of a child's sense of right and wrong is already established by 18 months

@54321nought absolute rubbish!

sorry, but it is true, you might not think so, but that doesn't change it.

Ask any adoptive parent if it is possible to start disciplining a totally undisciplined child once they are already 18 months old

If they don't already have a sense of right and wrong by then, it will NEVER become innate..

@54321nought do you have any evidence to back up that claim, that isn't your own opinion or personal experience? Everything I've ever read about child development disagrees with you.

I wouldn't discipline an 18 month old, as at that age they are simply learning about responses and reactions. I wouldn't even say they are testing boundaries at that age, that's more 2/3/4 in my experience. And They wouldn't understand consequences and generally don't until they are ready to potty train, the two milestones are interlinked.

Bad behaviour = no reaction or a firm "no we don't throw toys" or 'gentle hands' if hitting etc

Good behaviour = lots of positive reinforcement. They pick up on your tone of voice and facial reactions more than the actual words used.

I think it depends what you mean by ‘discipline’ tbh.

Not too young to hear no and feel a natural consequence. (Toy being removed etc)

And not too young to be praised for and directed towards positive behaviour.

But far too young for a long verbal explanation or for abstract things to be linked ‘no crying at bath time or no pudding tomorrow’ type thing would be utterly pointless.

Ask any adoptive parent if it is possible to start disciplining a totally undisciplined child once they are already 18 months old

@54321nought what do you mean, a totally undisciplined child? I don’t know any children that are “disciplined” at such a young age, I would find it very disconcerting and possibly quite worrying if I did TBH, as a child that age is little more than a baby. They’re just not capable of being naughty enough to warrant discipline.

Sorry, but saying that an 18 month old should already understand the difference between right and wrong is one of the maddest things I’ve read on here.

OP, what i don't like is that you're threatening an 18 months old. If you do this, I'll put you down. It's like when parents do this with an older child, if you do this or that, I'll put you to bed.

The consequence will eventually have no meaning because your child won't give a flying hoot and then what? You as a parent will have lost control with this particular parenting technique. This doesn't mean I've never done it, we're all tired at some point or have done things because in that moment, you just don't have the patience.

If that game and that's all it is for your child right now, if it annoys you so very much. You could tell her to not throw the toy but also try to get her to use the toy in a certain way, make it interesting and inspire the child, then you could give them the option. Options are always great also later on as it makes them feel like they're in control when really, we're still in control. I can put you down and you throw the toy and get it yourself or you're on my lap and no throwing - something like this.

Also gentle discipline doesn't mean your child will never cry, it's ok for them to be frustrated and annoyed at things - same as us. It's ok for them to feel all their big emotions.

@newmum234

Honestly, it has never even occurred to me to discipline my 16 month old for throwing a toy. Why can’t they throw toys, is it really that big a deal? Surely they’re just exploring at that age!

Because it's really fucking annoying and toys break

Because it's really fucking annoying and toys break

Well I wouldn’t give an 18 month old breakable toys, and none of them are precious items either. They’re much too young.

Just to clarify I only used the sentence in my post as an example, I haven't actually said this to her. She gets bundles of positive praise and reinforcement. For an 18 month old she has a very good understanding of things I say to her but just figured consequences wouldn't register at that age. I haven't actually ever "put her down". I am 11 weeks pregnant and definitely finding it hard to manage at the moment

I am generally quite relaxed for instance I have no issue with her exploring with her food and making messes at all. I actually encourage as I think messy play and exploring is very important. But to give an idea we have lots of flowers in the garden and she was pulling the flowers, so I told her "we don't pull the flowers, we smell the flowers" and show her this each time. She quickly picked this up and does not pull flowers anymore. But for instance drawing on walls..what do you do if she continues to draw even when you have told them no? Would you just remove the pencil/crayon and ignore big reactions and distract?

Yep, remove, redirect, distract. If she is interested in mark making with crayons etc then find an opportunity to do so in a suitable context instead - so you could put large sheets of paper on the floor and let her draw on those. Or use something like the aqua doodle things, or whatever.

I think it is absolutely fine to say, NO, we do NOT draw on walls, in a stern voice, then give paper and say ‘We draw on paper’ instead. I would personally put it on a table rather than the floor, to prevent introducing the idea of it being Ok to draw on the floor

I think it’s fine to introduce consequences at this age.

If you let her pull up all your flowers this year then suddenly got cross with her next year or the following for the same behaviour, that would be unfair IMO.