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Original poster

Travelling with a new born

35 replies

Jade97 · 09/08/2021 14:40

I'm going to speak to my midwife etc when I next see them but looking for some advice from other mums too. I'm due to give birth in 3 days time. I know nothing is set and she could come whenever or any after complications for her or myself etc could change all this, but I'm basing it on her being here and it being straight forward. We've had a death in the family and potential funeral date could be around 10 days after she's born. My first question is if that's the case, should I even really go with her? cause it going also doesn't even seem an option. Second point is, the funeral is 3 hours away? Travelling that far with a newborn really feasible? Obviously would stop 100 times if necessary? I just don't know what the right thing to do is, really wouldn't want to miss it but baby and health obviously is important? Sorry for the long message! Ans again all depends on her actually being born by then and health etc as if not, i definitely won't be going. Thankyou!!

OP posts:

GemmaRuby · 09/08/2021 14:44

I wouldn’t have been able to go when my baby was 10 days old personally. I can only tell you my experience but I was at home in my pyjamas breastfeeding every half hour to an hour (day and night).
The thought of getting dressed and out would have been too much for me, but of course everyone is different.
The other thing is that small babies shouldn’t be in car seats for very long, they can’t hold the weight of their head and it can tilt forward and block their airway.

lucymagoo · 09/08/2021 15:05

So sorry to hear about your family member, but I agree with the pp. Anything could happen, for example I had an episiotomy and couldn't sit down without pain for a month. I could not sit in the car at all for ages, let alone for 3 hours. You don't know but if possible maybe play it by ear and see how things are on the day.

It also depends if you're breast or bottle feeding, bottle obviously means someone else can help. Maybe your partner or a friend could have the baby nearby and let you attend without having to look after the baby at the same time?

AliceW89 · 09/08/2021 15:17

I would have no way fancied a 6h round trip with a ten day old. They feed and poo round the clock, you’ll still be trying to recover from the birth, you’ll be trying to find your feet as a new mum and you’ll be the most shattered you will have ever been in your life (in a good way). As PP said you’d have to stop so much - 30 mins max in a car seat with one that small.

But equally, if it’s someone who was incredibly important to you and you feel you really can’t miss it, you’ll probably find a way to make it work. Just have incredibly low expectations for how you will feel and how much you’ll be able to do.

Pissinthepottyplease · 09/08/2021 15:17

I wouldn’t have managed it. With DD1 had a c section just left hospital but was very ill on day 10 and with DD2 I would too sore to sit for that long. Babies under 6 weeks can only be in a car seat for 30 mins at a time.

Poppy709 · 09/08/2021 15:19

I’m so sorry for your loss, but no I wouldn’t be planning on travelling that far with a newborn unless absolutely necessary, you have to give them a decent break from the car seat every half hour, if you’re breastfeeding feeds can take a long time at that age as well, so a 3 hour journey could feasibly take 6/7 hours.

pinkmoon18 · 09/08/2021 15:21

Very sorry for your loss but as others there's no way I would of been able to do this.
I barely made it out the house the first 4 weeks.

episiotomy took afew weeks to recover from, lost a lot of blood so felt shite along with no sleep

8dpwoah · 09/08/2021 15:23

10 days after the birth of my first I was very proud of myself for getting us (me baby and DP) to the midwife clinic 10 mins drive away, on time and relaxed, for a 15 minute appointment. That was about as much as I was happy doing after a long induction and an episiotomy, had two days in hospital so had only been home a week. Plus 10 days after my due date she was only a week old as is common especially with first babies.

No way I could have sat in a car for three hours even with all the stops you'd need to do with a tiny one. I'm sure some people would/did but no way I could have. Sorry for your loss

MaverickDanger · 09/08/2021 15:25

Is her due date in 3 days or are you being induced/c section?

I went 14 days over with DS, induced at 12 days over.

I had a very straightforward birth and recovery, was up and about straight away but I would have struggled with a drive like that.

cariadlet · 09/08/2021 15:26

I agree with pp. The first few weeks are exhausting. You're getting to know your new baby, trying to figure out some kind of routine and may be recovering after needing stitches etc. You are likely to be knackered after disrupted sleep every night. At 10 days, I felt it was an achievement if I got myself dressed before lunch time!

Aquamarine1029 · 09/08/2021 15:28

I was very fortunate to feel relatively normal after both of my births, but I still wouldn't have even considered traveling that far with a newborn. You're tired, the baby feeds and poops constantly, and they should not be in a car seat for more than 30 minutes without a break. I would not be going.

Phiphi123 · 09/08/2021 15:36

I think theoretically I could have done this 10 days after birth if really really needed but it would have been super stressful. I wouldn’t have been able to drive myself though.

Blippibloppi · 09/08/2021 15:39

I wouldn't go either, sorry OP. I'd add to the points made by PP that neither DH or I (not that I was up to driving in the first few weeks either time) would have been safe to drive that length of journey at 10days pp due to exhaustion.

Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx · 09/08/2021 15:43

With my first I would have been fine, I had forceps and a spinal and some serious stitches but recovered well and was back up and about as usual within a couple of days.

My 2nd my placenta was fully retained and I had emergency surgery for its removal which was brutal.
Felt like I’d been run over for a couple of weeks.

Every birth is dif, it’s doable… but doesn’t mean it will happen. Don’t put pressure on yourself, enjoy the birth…. Support your family as needed but don’t pressure yourself to go

Namechange13101 · 09/08/2021 16:01

I’m going to go against the grain and say that with both of mine I would have been up to this as had very quick straightforward labours and quick recoveries. But I would say that you’ll just have to see how it goes and that no one except you will know whether you feel up to making that trip with your newborn.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 09/08/2021 17:07

Physically I could have done it. I went to IKEA 45mins away when DD1 was a week old for example.

However I had to feed her for 30mins every couple of hours. That ikea trip involved two feeds... one when we got there, one before we left. Newborns can only be in a car seat for 30minute stretches now. A 3hr trip could easily be 4 or 5hrs.
I'm not comparing a funeral to a shopping trip. But long journeys and newborns don't mix.

Babyboomtastic · 09/08/2021 17:14

I could have done it both times 10 days after a planned section, and was out and about daily from about day 4. But everyone recovers differently and you have no way of knowing now how you'll feel.

If you do go I'd definitely stay the night to break up the journey and allow a lot of extra time.

Plumtree391 · 09/08/2021 17:17

I couldn't have travelled with a ten day old baby, you would not be unreasonable to send your apologies. I'd do it now rather than wait until your baby is here.

Hope all goes well.

Hellvelyn · 09/08/2021 17:20

My grandmother passed away the day after dc1 was born. There was no way I was going to miss her funeral which was 10 days after he was born. I had a straightforward birth with a few stitches. BF was going ok but I’d needed regular midwife support to get to that stage. Funeral was 2.5 hours away. We planned stops every hour for feeds/nappies. Travelled up the day before and stayed the night afterwards too. Crucially my mum’s lovely friend looked after dc at my parent’s home during the funeral. I fed him just before I left and was back in just under 2 hours. By this time he was unsettled but being pacified with a dummy. Not easy but was possible with plenty of planning. I was also on call to return immediately if dc needed me so I sat right at the back of the church. Good luck with everything. Do what you feel is best for you and baby, not what you think others expect you to do.

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 17:25

You could always get a

lie flat car seat

If you really can't miss it.

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 17:25

You could of course end up with a c section, etc

You might be too uncomfortable to go that far

Babyboomtastic · 09/08/2021 17:29

You could of course end up with a c section, etc

That won't necessarily make it more difficult - if anything the opposite, as it's not going to hurt to sit down, and you can put a cushion between the belt and your scar if it's going anywhere near.

There is a big difference though between a planned section now, and going very overdue, labouring possibly following induction and ending in an emergency section.

The latter is going to take a lot more recovery.

It really is anyone's guess at the moment.

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 18:09

@Babyboomtastic

You could of course end up with a c section, etc

That won't necessarily make it more difficult - if anything the opposite, as it's not going to hurt to sit down, and you can put a cushion between the belt and your scar if it's going anywhere near.

There is a big difference though between a planned section now, and going very overdue, labouring possibly following induction and ending in an emergency section.

The latter is going to take a lot more recovery.

It really is anyone's guess at the moment.

The operative word there was etc

Implying the c section might be as a result of needing an emergency section and complications ...which might mean she can't travel

Original poster

Jade97 · 09/08/2021 18:47

Thankyou everyone for your advice, I feel like deep down I knew a lot of this anyway it has definitely helped hearing some other mums and what they’ve been through rather than guessing how I’ll feel! Thankyou :)

OP posts:

Nobaddays · 09/08/2021 18:48

I’m sorry for your loss. In theory it’s possible but it is likely to be a draining journey (on top of a very emotional event) and may be too much for you physically and mentally. I’ve just had my second and we drove for just over an hour to see my grandmother and even that was too much for me. Everyone is different though. Best of luck

NigellaSeed · 09/08/2021 19:39

Agree with PP, at 10 days I was round the clock feeding in my PJs and still figuring out how to hold him!

I also wouldn't of wanted to be away from my GP incase anything happened and I needed to take DS to the Dr or something.

I'm sorry for your loss. If you don't go, take comfort that you were there for them in life, when they were aware.

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