Ex MIL asking for birthday cards back after daughter’s birthday

[CatLady1987]

Hi all

Long story to cut short here. Me and ex split two years ago as a result of something horrible he did. His mother is still in our lives and I let her see her grandchild quite a bit. My little one is coming up 2 this week and they’ve sent cards (one from ex MIL, one from her parents and one from my little one’s dad). I allowed ex MIL to see my little one a few days before his birthday as I’m taking him away for the day.

She brought cards and little one’s present and then asked for the cards back after his birthday is over. She wants to make a special box (presume memory box?) for him. I get the impression she thinks I’ve binned all the other cards they’ve got for him as why suddenly start asking for them back? I haven’t binned them, they’re all safe in a special box I’ve made for him.

Just wondering what other folks’ thoughts were? She’s quite a bully and has been pretty horrible to me over the last two years (not that I’m trying to moan!) but I just don’t see why she’d want birthday cards back that are for my son?

Many thanks

Just tell her you already have a memory box.

Say no. That they are in the memory box you have for your son. If she's that bothered suggest (with as straight a face as possible) that she either sends 2 or takes a photo. Silly woman.

Why did she give the cards? He’s two and can’t read, surely if she wanted to keep them she might as well just have kept them.

She may be a bit concerned that she will get cut off from her gc as time goes on so wants him to know later that she was in his life and did get him presents etc. Could you send a photo each time with her and gs with card/ present. It's not always easy being the guys mum when he might not be great to ensure contact.

If she's truly evil she could tell your ds when he is older that she sent cards etc but that you returned them. Painting you to be the unreasonable parent who tried to alienate them.
She could also keep them as proof of a relationship between them and your ds...

I'll bet she's taking lots of pictures too

Thanks all. She had me thinking I was being weird to think that was a strange request.

It was verbal. She caught me on the hop as she always does!

She knows I’m not vindictive (she sees him every week by my arrangement, not her son’s). I’ve never cut her off and don’t intend to as I want my son to know his family and respect his right to have this). She knows I’m not vindictive. But like others have said, taking back cards could possibly create an alternative narrative that isn’t the truth?

Agree with what others have said re cards at 2, she made a very big deal about the cards (he was more interested in the present, go figure) but to me, the cards represent a milestone and form part of a collection of memories of him growing up. But yeah, let’s separate them out!

All feels very me and them 🙄

@Noshowwithoutpunch - I didn’t think of that, that’s food for thought, thank you.

Yes, I allowed her to today. I put a ban on constant photo taking (I let her when she’s outside with him but not in the house anymore) I don’t want a camera in his face all the time.

In the past she just took photos and videos wherever and whenever she wanted. I put my foot down eventually.

Please stop me if I sound unreasonable. I truly am not a horrible person and I don’t exclude her. Especially given the fact she’s treated me like absolute crap in the past.

It might have an innocent explanation. I would simply say to her, normally I put them in his memory box but if you want them you are must welcome... see what she says

YANBU. She sounds like a bitch. If she asks for the cards simply say no, they've been put away. End of discussion. I assume you meet her away from your house so she won't be there to ask you to get them? Even then just say no - you don't need to elaborate on that one word.

Tbh I should have said about his memory box at the time but she bamboozles you when you’re busy or distracted. She’s also incredibly transparent, I know she thinks I haven’t kept the other cards. She couldn’t be more wrong. I’ve kept every card anyone has ever given him.

@Notaroadrunner Thank you, it’s nice to feel validated, especially when it comes to her. It’s all about the show with her 🙄😬

Sounds like my MIL - similar with photos and she also asks for gifts back to keep at her house. She gets awful things that the kids don't play with so they go to the charity shop or they just break if she doesn't take them.
The kids are not bothered by stuff going to Nana's house - they seem to accept that's how it is. You just have to decide on your boundaries and stick to them because it will never stop at just birthday cards.

Of course, if she wants to make him a special box and give that to him, (to keep birthday cards in at home), she's welcome to do that, I guess?

@Rosieposie79 - glad it’s not just me! I agree, it never stops there.

@lottiegarbanzo - oh definitely. Like I’ve said, I actually treasure the cards he gets and wouldn’t object to that at all. But keeping them in ‘their’ family and potentially using them to malign me when he’s older? No way. I start to think I’m paranoid but she always does what I think she’s going to do. Why can’t grandmothers (some!) be normal?

Toys to play with at a grandparent's house makes more sense (if the child spends time there). What child is going to be interested in the grandparent's collection of their birthday cards?!

Does the father no longer see the child? Is that why contact with mil is on your time and not his?

I would be cutting her contact down if she was a bitch to me.

Am I the only person who didn't keep children's birthday cards in a memory box?
I've never heard of doing such a thing with old birthday cards.

Not the only one who doesn't keep stuff. How many grown men want/need a collection of old birthday cards?

Very good points. His dad has supervised contact once a month, hence why I arrange hers.

What an absolute weirdo. And I’m completely bamboozled by the PP whose MIL takes presents back .

Tell her they belong to your son so you cannot return them and that if she reminds you when he is older and can give informed consent you will ask him then.

Or give him the cards and some crayons and let him scribble on them and then give them back!

Brilliant ideas, thanks folks 😊

I don’t feel as daft now!

She’s a bitch to you, and she raised a piece of shit male. Nah, her son can arrange her contact when he’s having his supervised contact. Until she adjusts her attitude. Horrible people don’t get nice things.