Not playing with baby enough

[Paddingtonmum]

My LO is almost 8 months old and I worry I'm not playing with him enough. We read and I'll play puzzles and toys with him but he gets bored quite easy, so I feel as though I tend to put the TV on for him which he loves or put him in his bouncer/ on his tummy to play a lot. Is this a normal mum guilt feeling or should I be doing more? It's hard at this age as he doesn't seem massively engaged for long

Its hard and boring but you really shouldn't be shoving your infant in front of the TV all the time. Let the housework slide a bit and go for walks, pop him in the sink with a cup of water, take him outside and let him play on the grass, whatever. If he isn't crawling yet he will be soon then you'll need eyes in the back of your head at all times anyway.

God, mine is 10 months and just get carted about while we get on with other stuff! She goes in the buggy for a walk or in the swing outside but it's only in the evening she gets a bit of putting things in stacking cups or look at a touchy feely book. She doesn't engage with the TV if my 6yr old has it on.
I think you're fine OP. They absorb from everything around them. Just talk to them a lot. Give them a bath to fill in the time. Go for a walk.

I think it’s normal to feel guilty but don’t feel like you need to entertain him all the time. It sounds like you’re already doing quite a lot with him, he doesn’t need to be constantly stimulated.

Do you get out of the house enough? It’s hard to keep trying to find new things to do with them at home, with DD at that age I used to try to find ways to spend as much time out of the house as possible else I’d go insane. So we had a baby group, play date, etc most days or would just go and sit in the park with some toys or go to a coffee shop, soft play, swimming, etc. I also used to just take her around the house with me and sit her on the floor and chat to her whilst I did housework.

I'd ditch the TV and just let them potter while you get on with other stuff (I have 3 DC).

You absolutely do not need to be actively playing with / entertaining them all the time. Pop them on the floor with some toys / books / a treasure basket (see Pinterest for inspiration) while you get on with housework etc. Go out for long walks in the pram. A baby of this age should have at least 2 daytime naps (one should be quite long), giving you a fair amount of free time.
However, please don't use a screen to entertain a baby of this age.

In the mornings when I drink my morning coffee my 8 month old crawls around our living room and happily plays by himself . He has an older brother so we get out everyday to go to soft play, parks & play dates but he observes more than anything while out . I love to sing to him so we sing and I act out nursery rhymes. We also read everyday . I’ve never put the tv on for him . Overall I don’t think I play with him a ton but I play with him enough. He is on the go a lot . He rarely seems bored , he’s happy and well loved .

I found playing with my baby at that age hard but it got easier when he was older and able to 'do' more things.

As PP have said, he would follow me around the house, we would go on walks, he would spend some time in his bouncer or play mat etc. But we also spent a lot of time snuggling on the sofa with a film on! There's a lot of hours in the day to fill and I have fond memories of those tv snuggles, I don't feel guilty about it.

Try seeing him up in his bouncer to watch what you’re doing. At this age you will probably find he’s equally engaged looking out of a door/window/at you as at the TV.

Mine both spent lots of time in their high chair watching me cook/with a few toys on their high chair tray, lots of time in a bouncy chair/on a play mat while I was getting on with other things in the room, lots of time just plonked on a floor/bed while I was doing stuff. They don’t need to be “played” with all the time so don’t feel guilty about not doing it.

You’re possibly putting yourself in his shoes thinking that you would be bored with nothing to do, so he needs either you or the TV? But at this age, the whole world is still new and interesting Enjoy while it lasts

pop him in the sink with a cup of water

I often see tips like this on Mumsnet and don’t get it. This kind of thing would literally occupy my baby for about 20 seconds max! Is my baby just very easily bored or something?

@1jan2020 I agree I had a baby who could not be "popped" down anywhere !! I see plenty of babies happily chilling out whilst their parents do other things, mine certainly wasn't one of those!!!

With my first i felt exactly the same as you. At that age they are really hard to play with, and my eldest DD had the attention span of a gnat. Unless of course - the TV was on and she was entranced. I gave up feeling guilty about it. I used to make plans to go out and about to library/shops/friends etc., we did a daily hour long walk, I'd give her bits and bobs to play with whilst i cooked/cleaned, rotated her toys all the time but when there was an hour or so to go until nap time/dinner time or whatever and i was all out of ideas, or i just didn't have the energy to play - i would give in and let her watch TV. I did the best i can and shes doing just fine, shes a clever and polite 3 year old. The tv didnt ruin her! And now shes old enough to know boundaries shes only allowed screen time for a set period and at certain times.

My youngest whose now 10months isnt interested in the TV at all 😅

I agree I had a baby who could not be "popped" down anywhere !!

@milkieway there’s very little “popping” in this house too unfortunately!

Some great TV for little ones but would restrict it at 8 months.
Have you got a sling? Mine loved to “do” whatever I was doing at that age.

@ElizaDoolots

I think it’s normal to feel guilty but don’t feel like you need to entertain him all the time. It sounds like you’re already doing quite a lot with him, he doesn’t need to be constantly stimulated.

Do you get out of the house enough? It’s hard to keep trying to find new things to do with them at home, with DD at that age I used to try to find ways to spend as much time out of the house as possible else I’d go insane. So we had a baby group, play date, etc most days or would just go and sit in the park with some toys or go to a coffee shop, soft play, swimming, etc. I also used to just take her around the house with me and sit her on the floor and chat to her whilst I did housework.

We get out for walks, but I have a muscle disease so I struggle to take my LB out without support so when my partner is working I'm kind of restricted to being in the house and going on walks. I can't get on the floor/ off the floor, and struggle with things that a lot of other mums can do. When my partner is around we do lots of park visits, go into town, long walks, baby sensory classes, swimming (and I watch).

Thank you for your advice and help, I will definitely try to do more walks :-)

@User0ne

I'd ditch the TV and just let them potter while you get on with other stuff (I have 3 DC).

Thank you, I'll definitely give this a go

@Crimblecrumble1990

I found playing with my baby at that age hard but it got easier when he was older and able to 'do' more things.

As PP have said, he would follow me around the house, we would go on walks, he would spend some time in his bouncer or play mat etc. But we also spent a lot of time snuggling on the sofa with a film on! There's a lot of hours in the day to fill and I have fond memories of those tv snuggles, I don't feel guilty about it.

Thank you, it's good to hear someone else say they enjoy snuggling on the sofa with a film with their LO

I think some TV is fine but not for hours and hours each day.

Babies like very simple things at that age. For instance, make a tunnel out of a big cardboard box for him to crawl through. Or put the sofa cushions on the floor in a big heap. Mine loved hammering the computer keyboard when I unplugged it (although that may have been slightly older, trying to remember...). Duvet and pillow obstacle courses were always a hit.

Bless you that must be really hard you can't get on/ off floor, when you do play with baby are you on a chair / baby on floor? Do you manage to carry baby around with you atm in your arms? X

Look up 'Montessori Treasure baskets' as they can be great for baby to explore. A few ideas -

Fill with shiny objects
Instruments
Wooden objects
Fruit/veg
Different materials
Natural objects pinecones etc
Brushes
Objects of the same colour

It's really normal to feel mum guilt about this kind of thing. At 8 months I would try to keep TV to a minimum though. You can get on with household jobs while he watches - he'll get more out of watching you fold laundry than watching the TV, if you are chatting to him while you do it.

What do people think is going to happen if the baby watches some tv?! Assuming it’s baby TV and not The Wire.

Don't feel guilty! If you're playing throughout the day, engaging with them and they're developing well then you don't need to be concerned.

I would add as well, you don't need to be majorly concerned about a tiny bit of TV. Like I said, if all aspects of development are good then it won't kill them to have 10 mins here and there while you pop for a wee/make a sandwich/prep their food!!!!!

My DD adores studio Ghibli anime's. She will scream blue murder if I try leave her when I go for a wee or other short tasks. For 10 mins a couple times a day it's fine! She's active, developing amazingly and we go for a walk at least once a day so it's all good!

There is plenty of research to show that TV is not beneficial to babies and very young children.

I let my 4yo watch tv and have been doing so since he was toddler, but it was and is time-limited. I wouldn't put the tv on for a baby, it seems ridiculous, they just don't need it.

DD is 10 months old and she will happily crawl around and get up to mischief while I do stuff. She likes emptying things, mainly her brother's toys especially the play kitchen (full of toy pots and food) and any boxes eg puzzles etc.

Make sure the house is reasonably baby-proof (child locks on kitchen cupboards, cables out of reach, etc) and let him explore his environment. If he's not yet crawling he will need a bit of space to start doing it, ditto for pulling up to stand, cruising etc.

I don't think there's any danger in letting your baby watch TV so long as you accept it's essentially 'warehousing' them. That's how I saw it. I put my LO in front of the TV when I needed a break not because I thought it would be beneficial for them. They need to do other activities to develop their speech and language, cognitive abilities and gross and fine motor skills.

If you view the TV as essentially a baby car-park, it's fine. You can park your baby up there for a short time every day while you take a break or for a longer time if you need to get something done desperately (like packing for our house move, when our then 9 month old watched TV practically the whole day to keep them out of the way of the heavy boxes). But you need to intersperse it with other activities which are more beneficial for them.

MiddleParking it's not the content that is the problem, it's just that watching lots of TV before age 2-3 is associated with slower language development. It's fine to use the TV for short periods when you need a break, but it should be kept to a minimum if possible.