My 4 year old son keeps choosing mostly girls characters, anyone with kids who have been through this?

[Leonor888]

Hi Mums. I have a 4 year old son that since 3 yers and a few months chooses girls characters from movies to pretend play. He keeps the days pretend playing and mostly he only chooses girls in the movies. When he is playing these characters (all of them, animals, whatever) he can’t be called by his name. So it’s the same, when he’s a girl we can’t call him a boy. His Dad is getting upset and this is really hard to deal with. He also loves cars, dinos, trucks, fighting... I love my son above everything but I am worried that he wants to be a girl. I just would like to know if there are other kids/boys going through this, because from what I hear from other mums and kids boys are really ‘masculine’ and love superheroes.
Thank you.

Because he was very sensitive when people laugh and came up with this thing ‘this is for boys and this is for girls’ and told me that their teachers told him that he was and had to be a man. This is why I am taking him out of this school. But want to prepare him since he s a very sensible child to react to other kids... cause sometimes they are very rigid with gender stereotypes. But hope you are right.

It’s make believe. My toddler pretends to be a lizard most days. He makes a nest with a blanket and sits on it. I’m not worried he’ll want to be a lizard when he grows up.

Christ at 4 DD thought she was squirrel nutkin.

Stop worrying about it and let your child be themself.

And there are no boys or girls toys - just toys.

Just teach him to say ‘why do you think that?’ When anyone says a boy can’t be play with dolls or knit or whatever.

Let kids be kids.

I'd just tell him to say that pretending play is for everyone and the fun of it is that you can pretend to be whatever you want.
He could say that he knows he is a boy but he likes to pretend to be all sorts of things including dinosaurs and trains and boy characters and girl characters.

this is a useful guide for toys

You have a dad problem not a child problem. My 4 year old went through a phase of dressing up as Queen Elsa.... now he wants to be Bingo from Bluey.

Then he plays with his trains and lifts, it's just who he is.

@mogtheexcellent love that photo

Must be a new thing because there really wasn’t a problem being a girl character or a boy character when I was a child or when my children were. It was more about the story.
Perhaps all the boy characters in your books/movies are a bit boring???

Just look at the likes of Horrid Henry - Henry is a wee thug and his brother is a drip.

@EducatingArti

I'd just tell him to say that pretending play is for everyone and the fun of it is that you can pretend to be whatever you want. He could say that he knows he is a boy but he likes to pretend to be all sorts of things including dinosaurs and trains and boy characters and girl characters.

This. In the last couple of weeks my 3yo DS has been Spiderman, a pink fairy, a baby, a tiger and a crab. I just roll with it, it's fun.

Your husband is the problem.

The whole idea of gendered clothes/ toys/ games/ colours/ emotions/ brains is incredibly regressive and toxic. I had thought we had got past the whole gender stereotype issue but it has been reborn as gender identity - a marketing ploy to sell the same stuff twice over.

Let your child play with whatever he wants - in these movies, do the girls get the best lines/ songs/ parts by any chance? As for the other boys in the class - perhaps their teacher could give them the 'Be Kind' lesson and possibly one on stereotypes too. Have a look at the Facebook page Let Toys be Toys for Girls and Boys.

@mogtheexcellent I love that!

Wow this is sad. I despair. Let the kid be/play with whatever he wants. Tell your husband to fuck right off if he's cruel to your son for it.
My brother, now happily married with two kids, wore dresses for years as a child. Means fuck all other than that he wore dresses.

I'm not a mother yet, but I have a five year old boy cousin who is obsessed with Frozen and he also likes to paint his nails like his mum, which she lets him do on his toes (as she doesn't want it on his fingers as no doubt he'd end up biting it all off!) for special occasions like birthday etc. As well as "girly" stuff, he also likes traditionally boy stuff too like trains and cars. No one in my family can see any harm and he's a very happy child. Maybe he'll grow out of it, maybe he won't. Either way, if he's happy, who cares?

Your DH thinks your DS is going to catch the gay, doesn't he?

Stupid git - the kid is just pretending. He could just as easily pretend to be a dog or a Pokemon or a fire truck. There's nothing wrong with any of these make-believe games at all.

Are you on the UK? (Sadly) I'm not too surprised about his Dad's over reaction but I wouldn't expect an Early Years teacher to be re-enforcing gender stereotypes.

I am a year one teacher and all the children I teach don't bat an eyelid if one of their classmates want to play like this. Also, we never reinforce gender stereotypes - in fact I work hard to unpick them as much as I can. I would hate for a child to have them thrust upon them at school. Gender stereotypes are a social construct and need to be thrown out asap. Your son is just playing and exploring the world and who he is. Nothing unusual and nothing to worry about. Just let him find his own way.

My sister (she of the male role play) didn’t give me ‘the gay’ by insisting on calling me ‘Dave’ for many a year and creating male characters for me in our role play.

DS used to pretend to be a police dog when he was little. We used to have doggy conversations. He don’t ‘give me the canine’ either.

Maybe I’m just special...

It’s a non issue, it’s just a kid playing. Your DP needs to give his head a wobble and STFU.

Your child is using his imagination - that's a really positive thing

My ds (now 15) was convinced he was Robbie Rotten from Lazy Town when he was 3/4. He hasn't turned into a criminal mastermind (as far as I know)

Imaginative play is a good thing. Encourage it.

Surely you must have had some inkling about your DH’s very rigid homophobic views prior to marrying him and getting pregnant? Did it just not matter when it was other people getting the brunt of it?

Your husband is the one with the problem.

My DS2 was kind of similar. He would always 'make' his toys (favourite teddy etc) female. And if he spoke about someone in the third person, he defaulted to the female she or her. He's 6 now and definitely since he went to school, he does it less.

But my DH didn't even notice. It was me who pointed it out. DH said he might grow up trans, shrugged and that was it.

@TheDevils

This isn't a problem. Your child's dad is the problem. Just let the poor child play the way they want to.

This!

The issue is entirely his fathers.

I was toto from the wizard of oz, and also superman for a good six months when was about 4. Don't worry about it, you'll give the kid a complex!

So far today my DS has been a cat and a bird. I don't think he's going to grow up to be animal. It's just play. We play with all sorts of toys, read books and watch TV with all sorts of characters. Your DH is the problem here.