What has happened to my 4 year old??

[Deereamer]

My 4.5 year old son used to be the happiest, loveliest, most laid back, loving little boy. He used to tell me and DH that he loved us and he enjoyed getting involved with whatever we were doing. The last 2 weeks we’ve crashed from problem to problem with his behaviour. I can’t get him to eat (neither can other family members or nursery) he attacked me so badly last week that I had to convince someone that I hadn’t been beaten up by an adult. He’s started saying really horrible stuff to me and DH. I just don’t know what to make of it. It’s so out of character for him and I feel totally out of my depth in dealing with this. He’s gone into a rage again tonight and bitten DH. I just feel like crying. Is it this age? Please tell me it’s common and just a phase. Do I need to be talking to our GP or will they think I’m wasting their time??

This sounds unusual to me, sorry OP. Has there been any change in his routine? Any new caregivers? Could anyone have frightened him?

What exactly has he said to you?

I'd be seriously concerned.

Where had he been, prior to this starting, without you, or with you, but in maybe another room without out you etc.

Definitely talk to your gp, I don't think this is normal behaviour. I hope you're able to get to the case and things improve soon

*cause

Something might have happened to him to make him act this way. I wouldn't punish him until you find out what it is. He needs a safe place to see your love is unconditional.

Perhaps try your health visitor rather than the GP? It sounds really tough.

I'd look back to when the changes started and see what was happening in his life at that time/ just before.

May not be anything 'bad' (although keep anything in mind) but could be a change we wouldn't necessarily think of like a friend or teacher leaving/ different drop off or collection times/ new routine/ different foods.

It's not good behaviour but see him as using it to communicate with you. He is telling you he isn't the boy he was.

Not normal OP, he sounds like a frightened little boy. Has it really changed that suddenly?

I am no expert and I don't want to alarm you unnecessarily but the first thing I thought was has he encountered some type of abuse.

Does he have access to an iPad or similar device OP? I've known a few children who become frightened or worried and then express that in different ways when they have seen things they don't understand and so can't process on a device.

Have there been any new people in his life recently?

Something is bothering him in my opinion. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions, but I would definitely enquire into his behaviour at nursery and if they’ve picked up on anything seeing as his behaviour at home has massively changed. It might not be the right school for him. Good luck!

I don’t think it’s uncommon for parents to have a hard time with 4yos in the few months before starting school but this seems to be another level and would worry me. I would try and seek some advice.

All the above is true in terms of events which may be affecting his behaviour but don't also rule out illness or pain. Heay be feeling very unwell bit not be able to express it

Sore throat
Ear infection
Pain on eating?
Coeliac?
Ask him what hurts
If he isn't eating hecwill be hangry

I’d take him to the docs, with a urine sample too ideally.

I started reading your op ready to say that my 4 nearly 5 year old DS' behaviour / moods have changed recently and he's become very volatile lashing out at his sister over the slightest little thing (usually a kick or a nip) and his tantrums are back to 2yr old territory when you would be walking on eggshells.
However this does sound very extreme with your DS, has his routine changed at all, is he in school or private nursery, exhausted by the end of term maybe etc?

The only thing I can think that’s about to change is starting school. He’s due to start this year. We’ve chatted about it lots but we haven’t been able to go and see the school or meet the teachers so I guess there must be some level of uncertainty.

He’s been a very picky eater for the last 2 years or so. He likes to cook with me but what he will eat is limited (although he likes fruit so we top up his diet with lots of different types) this last couple of weeks I’m struggling to get him to eat much at all - he will have a few bites here and there of his food but I don’t think he’s eating enough.

The incident last week was triggered over ice cream. He wanted a second ice cream, I said no as we were having tea soon. He threw something at me so I took him upstairs to calm down. He bit me several times, hit me, stamped on my feet. It was completely out of character. I told him off when he was physical towards me but he’s never ever been smacked (I’m massively anti smacking) He had been poorly with a cold earlier in the week and hadn’t slept great.

There’s no chance of abuse as he’s either with me or at nursery and I know that nursery have CCTV everywhere. He’s been fine between these incidents too - quite happy playing in the garden or doing some colouring in / reading a story together etc and the weekend was fine too (apart from his lack of food)- we were out and about doing errands, going to the park and visiting grandparents.

Tonight the problem started at bath time. He didn’t want a bath or a shower. He couldn’t tell me why but he had decided that he wasn’t doing it.

I think I’m going to call the GP in the morning and see if they can check him over to rule out anything obvious.

If he has been unwell at the start consider PANDAS
www.e-hospital.co.uk/pans-pandas-a-parents-guide/?gclid=CjwKCAjwuvmHBhAxEiwAWAYj-PIIX3Z8BHeap3eAUMI65ufmYD1IsBkyR7bnxQsrBxbM1W7vH27jgRoC_8EQAvD_BwE

It's really common to experience behaviour regressions just before starting school. I suspect it's that.

Google PANDAS syndrome. I know very little about it but friend of a friend’s kid had it. And it just struck me as a possibility. Fact he had cold recently fits too.

Hope whatever it is it gets sorted.

It seems very strange and sudden.

Is there anything happened at nursery that could explain the new behaviour, something he's witnessed?

Could it be an infection brewing?

I would speak to your GP.

How does he he react when you tell him off? Does he listen?

Maybe take him out for an ice cream or juice and cake somewhere and try to talk to him away from all the distractions of home?

Or the bath. In our house, it all comes out in the bath at night... who played with who, how my DC was sad they didn't get a turn, who was naughty at nursery. Being in the water seems to have a calming effect.

I have been through this with my dd at the same age and a friend of my sons-both different reasons. The 4 year old friend (little boy) is my friends little boy who I used to look after quite a bit and she was as worried as you-he had threadworms but they weren’t itching him but making him feel sick, crave sugar, not eat enough etc. Get some Ovex and rule it out it’s totally normal and if you Google you’ll find it can change behaviour. In the other case it was my daughter and she was also that age and again similar in changed behaviour- she was (and is of course) diagnosed as Coeliac and even now if she eats gluten the main symptom is behaviour and emotional. Good luck and don’t give up!

There’s been a bit of a shuffle around with staff at nursery, but his assigned teacher is still in the class, but I think there maybe a couple of new faces in his group.