What has happened to my 4 year old??

[Deereamer]

My 4.5 year old son used to be the happiest, loveliest, most laid back, loving little boy. He used to tell me and DH that he loved us and he enjoyed getting involved with whatever we were doing. The last 2 weeks we’ve crashed from problem to problem with his behaviour. I can’t get him to eat (neither can other family members or nursery) he attacked me so badly last week that I had to convince someone that I hadn’t been beaten up by an adult. He’s started saying really horrible stuff to me and DH. I just don’t know what to make of it. It’s so out of character for him and I feel totally out of my depth in dealing with this. He’s gone into a rage again tonight and bitten DH. I just feel like crying. Is it this age? Please tell me it’s common and just a phase. Do I need to be talking to our GP or will they think I’m wasting their time??

I’d definitely see a dr over night behavioural changes that severe can be neurological

I’ll ask the GP about Pandas tomorrow and see what they think. Hopefully they will agree to see him face to face as it’s not Covid related.

Is he on any medication? Montelukast for asthma?

Could he be diabetic?

I came on to suggest PANDAS too - or if there are new kids at the nursery are we sure one of them isn’t hurting him?

Has he gone through a significant growth spurt?

My DS is awful at the point when he suddenly shoots up, but he has ADD and when he grows he seems even more to lose the ability to focus and is constantly frustrated with everything.

There is a big behavioral shift between 4 and 5. I have experienced it with my three and many friends have experienced the same. Lots of big emotions, changes in temperament, aggression. It sounds on the more extreme side, but there is definitely an age thing. There's no harm in having things checked over at the GP, as one of mine will often fly off the handle even at 7 when she's feeling under the weather, and seeing if he can verbalise if something is upsetting him. When he is calm talk about the behaviour and give him ways to release frustration and aggression appropriately. It seems to me like a battle for more independence at this age and of pushing the boundaries.

Boys can experience a huge testosterone surge between the ages of 4 and 5. This changes their whole demeanour - expect rage, lack of understanding, lack of emotional awareness. It can be quite an unpleasant time.

Unless there is medication involved, I would suggest riding the wave, offering cuddles, lots of patience!

I have a four and six year old and I'd say tantrums are normal really, even at that age, but the violent behaviour is not. My eldest son can still get extremely angry and frustrated about things even though he's generally a sweet boy, so I wouldn't be too concerned about that. But the biting and hitting seems a bit extreme and especially if it's new behaviour. I also have a one year old and she hits occasionally if she gets angry, but that's generally because she can't make herself understood, that kind of thing tends to stop when they can talk.

Try to talk to him when he's happy and calm, maybe even a bit distracted - so while you're out walking or playing etc. And yes, I think I'd ring the GP.

Bit of an update. GP doesn’t think Pandas but I had a long chat with nursery. There’s new kids and new teachers started and some of his old teachers have been swapped around and some have left. His mood has been lovely since I posted this - I’ve been unwell and he’s been so good! The food situation is ongoing but I’ve found that letting him graze little and often has been better than sitting him down for a meal and he ate a whole tea tonight - pasta, a bowl of soup, some cheese and a salad (bit random but I just put the food out for him to help himself and he ate the lot). Fingers crossed this was just a blip. Thank you for all your helpful responses though - I’d never heard of Pandas and it’s worthwhile knowing about the testosterone surge around this age.

Picked up behaviour from nursery? Immiitating what he's seen there?

I was going to say testosterone surge - both my very placid boys went through this at 4 and a half, and I watched many of my friends' sons also go through it.

It was quite short lived in our case.