Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Nursing a toddler

80 replies

BrownEyedSquirrel · 26/07/2021 00:01

I've chosen to nurse my toddler until at least 2. It's right for us and, frankly, DS wouldn't have it any other way. Total boob monster. He's now 20 months.
Due to COVID, I've had limited experience of nursing around others.
I've had 2 negative experiences this week that have left a sour taste in my mouth.

A good friend was over and when DS asked to be nursed she made a face and told me he was "too old" now he can ask for it. I laughed it off.
Today, another friend acted funny when DS wanted to be nursed after he tripped and grazed his knee when out on a walk.

Neither friends have children; I'm not sure if this is relevant.

Is it really that weird to nurse your own child simply because they're walking and talking? What's the "acceptable" cut off age and why?

AIBU to think that those who don't like it can keep their opinions to themselves?

I'm feeling really self conscious about nursing him when out and about now, but I don't want to feel that way.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
DojoWojo · 27/07/2021 21:21

@HerMammy

Tbf you aren’t ‘feeding’ him, he’s using it as comfort for any upset. Maybe find other ways for him to be soothed.

Why?

Swimbikerunmummy · 27/07/2021 21:22

I breastfed mine until He weaned age 5.5 years, end of reception year. And of course you don’t go into school for break time! It was a very gradual reduction over the years, by the end it was just a brief reconnection at the beginning and end of the day. I never set out to nurse for that long, but it was a wonderful experience, and I’m very glad we did it. The world average age of weaning is somewhere between ages 4 and 7 years. It’s just our western culture that is not used to seeing this as normal!

Nerfelite · 27/07/2021 21:33

I didn't breastfeed either of my children.

But what I find interesting is that bottle feeding is frowned upon after one, with damage to children's teeth being given for the reason. Dummies are also frowned upon past one, again because of damage to teeth. It's interesting that these things are considered bad for teeth but breastfeeding past one isn't.

There are plenty of people who would happily judge a 2, 3 or 4 year old with a dummy. Dummies and bottles aren't generally considered socially acceptable past one. So it doesn't surprise me that continuing to breastfeed is also frowned upon.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families General parenting
AvantGardening · 27/07/2021 21:36

Mine is 2 and I still nurse him. Morning, evening and if he asks in the day and it’s possible (so yes on a train, no halfway through the weekly shop to give an example).

I’ve never been challenged in public; but I’m older which I think makes a lot of people less inclined to foist their unrequested opinions on me.

Opinion4321 · 27/07/2021 21:44

I think it’s great you want to continue to breastfeed but some people will be funny about it. I remember thinking that feeding a toddler was bizarre before I had children and then it all just felt very natural.

I fed my first until she was gone two and my second until 18 months as he self weaned.

I used to feed under a feeding cape if I was out and about and despite being a shy person, I didn’t really think about what others thought. I got comments from my mum and MIL about when I was going to stop and that annoyed me but it wasn’t their business.

Opinion4321 · 27/07/2021 21:45

Oh and there’s nothing wrong with comforting your child by feeding them! Breastfeeding is about more that just ensuring they are fed.

MsRosewater · 27/07/2021 21:51

DD is 3.5 and has no interest in stopping. Very independent and confident kid: mostly feeds at bed time, if distressed or to reconnect ( I wafh long hours) . There is plenty of decent evidence that it is beneficial for mother and child

Anyone who has a problem with this (including my own DM) can bog off- it works for us! But it can be a bit of an isolating, secretive thing as it's not talked about/ encouraged. There is a great FB group called 'breastfeeding older babies and beyond' that is super supportive ( and full of good info and advice plus funny pics of the positions breastfeeding small-people adoptSmile)

Philandbill · 27/07/2021 21:53

Mine self weaned when they were three. I found my local La Leche League group really helpful as there were plenty of mums nursing toddlers there. It was good to be with other women who were "still" breastfeeding. Plus is was a nice sociable group.

Smartiepants79 · 27/07/2021 22:04

It is your choice obviously. And nobody should be commenting or making you feel awkward.
That being said, I find feeding children that age on demand and in public makes me feel a bit weird - I can’t really explain why and I’d ignore if I saw it. I just feel they’re old enough to wait a short while to be fed.
I also don’t really agree with using breast feeding as a comforter beyond a certain age, I feel they (and you) need to find a way of consoling and managing his emotions that can continue to be used as he gets older. It feels like a short term fix.
But again, it’s your child, your choices. It’s none of my business and I’d never comment.

CornishPastyDownUnder · 27/07/2021 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Philandbill · 27/07/2021 22:09

@Smartiepants79 but you have just commented...

Original poster
BrownEyedSquirrel · 27/07/2021 22:13

@cornishpastydownunder Was wondering when someone nasty would appear. You do know the purpose of breasts is to feed your child, right? I have no idea why you would assume I won't be toilet training my son. Oh, and my breasts look great thanks Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
BrownEyedSquirrel · 27/07/2021 22:14

@philandbill, but I get what she means and still appreciate the comment. I'm trying to gauge the public's opinion.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 27/07/2021 22:19

[quote Philandbill]@Smartiepants79 but you have just commented...[/quote]
Yes, because opinions were asked for!
And I hope I commented in a respectful way. I respect her right to make these choices for herself and her child. I wouldn’t choose it for myself.
I would not make unsolicited comments to strangers or friends.

ShinyGreenElephant · 27/07/2021 22:21

I'm still feeding my 2.5yo and if she wants feeding in public then I will. Obviously if its not convenient I wouldnt drop everything like a mug but for example we were in the nail salon today with my eldest and she was bored and warm and asked to feed so I did. There was a group of teenagers giggling at me but I honestly couldn't care less. I know DHs family think its extremely weird but they thought it was weird even when she was newborn so I'm not interested in their opinion and they wouldn't dare comment.

As well as all of the health benefits, its made her so confident and independent, and it seems to have helped her bond really well with her baby sister - so far there has been absolutely zero jealousy or attention seeking which I know is really common with a 2 year age gap. Maybe I'm just lucky and they would have always been this way, but I would recommend it to anyone, I see no bad sides.

CarryOnNurse20 · 27/07/2021 22:21

I bf DC3 until 2 (only first and last thing and fairly reluctantly!) at the end. She’s 4 now and I can’t imagine breastfeeding her it seems a million miles away and would feel very inappropriate to me now. Can’t explain why as I wasn’t bothered when she was a baby/toddler. But you do you OP- I think there’s ways of bf discretely anyway to which in my experience no one ever had any issue with.

Bitofachinwag · 27/07/2021 22:25

@HerMammy

Tbf you aren’t ‘feeding’ him, he’s using it as comfort for any upset. Maybe find other ways for him to be soothed.
Why?
Tiggerdig · 27/07/2021 22:26

I won’t want to BF a toddler myself but don’t really acre what other people do. That said I would feel awkward. I wouldn’t say anything though. Hard to say why. I as brought up in a bottle feeding family and for me it doesn’t feel right. But as I say I would never comment. You have to remember peoples previous experience will come to play here

HerMammy · 27/07/2021 22:26

Your 2.5 child was bored so you fed her in a nail salon?
Personally cannot understand this pandering and allowing a child to demand anything, surely being independent is being able
to amuse oneself and not needing mum to alleviate every negative feeling.

MuslinsRLife · 27/07/2021 22:27

Ok, before I breastfed a 3 year old I thought it was utterly strange to feed a toddler. I remember looking at my newborn & 2 year old (didn’t feed him) thinking it would be strange to feed him - he liked to pretend to feed a few times that’s why I was thinking about it.

Nursing a 3 year old is the most normal thing in the world when you are doing it but I appreciate it can be odd to others as I had those preconceptions! Just smile & ignore Smile

HerMammy · 27/07/2021 22:28

@Bitofachinwag
How does a child learn to self regulate? if everything he’s feeling is managed by ‘feeding’. There’s no hunger or need to be fed.

Bitofachinwag · 27/07/2021 22:30

That being said, I find feeding children that age on demand and in public makes me feel a bit weird - I can’t really explain why and I’d ignore if I saw it. I just feel they’re old enough to wait a short while to be fed.
Nobody has said that breastfed children can't wait a little while. Children ask for lots of things "on demand", should they not be given anything they ask for? A drink of water, an apple, the loo?

clartymare · 27/07/2021 22:34

I think breast feeding is great, I did it myself until DS was seven months old, had to combo feed due to a supply issue but I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

The only thing I question is how it's seen as lovely for BF to be a comfort, but you wouldn't give a bottle to a toddler whenever they asked or wanted comfort...I've genuinely never understood this distinction - it is because breast milk is natural? I also wouldn't give him a snack whenever he fancied it or because he needed comforting - which I guess is similar. Because across the world it's the cultural norm? It's not a dig, it's a genuine curiosity.

When we switched to full on bottle feeding, I got a lot of judging for that, he's still having a bottle at 19 months and people judge for that so I think whatever you do you'll be damned! Just do what feels right for you and your DC and try to shrug off what other people think - this is something I am fast having to learn as a parent!

Bitofachinwag · 27/07/2021 22:34

[quote HerMammy]@Bitofachinwag
How does a child learn to self regulate? if everything he’s feeling is managed by ‘feeding’. There’s no hunger or need to be fed.[/quote]
I am not sure what it's got to do with self regulation, I really don't think that "everything he's feeling" is managed by "feeding". So you not believe that toddlers really do feed?

And why do you think there's no hunger or thirst?

boydy99 · 27/07/2021 22:35

I still breastfeed my 18m old son. I feed him in public if he asks for milk, but that's fairly rare. I've not had any negative experiences so far but am increasingly aware that other people might find it weird. luckily I don't care Grin I read somewhere a story that a new mum looked awkward feeding her newborn in a cafe so another mum breastfed her toddler to help her feel comfortable and I keep that in mind, if it helps other mums feel comfortable to feed their babies, thats a bonus Smile

breastfeeding past 1 isn't the same as using a dummy or bottle past 1, bf is a natural process and doesn't have negative impacts on speech/jaw development etc in the way that bottles or dummies are thought to. also no one round here seems to comment on toddlers having bottles of milk at 2+ years old, it's not socially unacceptable.

Swipe left for the next trending thread