Is it normal for toddlers to be so demanding?

[peaches35]

I have a 15 month old boy who is going through a horrible shouty phase. We go to the park and as soon as he sees me rummaging in my bag, he shouts and shouts and stretches his hand out (because he wants some item from the bag). He sees me using my phone and he does the same thing, because he wants to play with my phone. If I put him in his highchair and dinner takes just a couple of minutes to bring over, he will start shouting about that. And most recently, whenever I stop the pram for a minute to rest or whatever, he will shout and stretch his hands out as if demanding to come out.

Is this normal behaviour for a toddler his age? I was kind of expecting it when he hit the terrible twos but not at 15 months! Just wondering where my lovely, placid boy has gone

I think a lot of people feel they have to make a show of saying 'no' if they're in public so people don't think they are bad parents or something, when their child doesn't give two hoots if they say no or not at that age! It's inevitable you say no sometimes, but we definitely tried to distract and redirect until she was old enough that we can say something like 'I don't want you to do that because you might fall and bump your head' or ' I would like you to do this instead as otherwise your toy might break and you won't be able to play with it anymore'. She is 2.5 now and understands hurting herself and also toys being taken away and that makes things a lot easier.

What I want to know is when they start to say yes in response to a question. My 20 month old says no in everything even things he wants which gets so confusing. He also shakes his head at everything but will not imitate a nod.

Ooh the no phase is a good one! It lasted a couple of months with DD and she actually started saying 'this one' and pointing before she started saying 'yes' weirdly.

Haha totally normal! You get more used to it eventually. When he's a bit older, I recommend teaching him to say things more politely as early as possible e.g. please, thank you, excuse me. I felt really shit when my daughter was just saying "MOVE IT! NOW!"

@peaches35

Ha yes! Should I do anything when he does this? Like tell him “no” or anything? Or is it pointless as he’s just too young to understand?

I used to say

"Oh I can see that you are frustrated/upset/hungry/ you want that..." then explain what you are doing and that lunch is on its way or he can get the thing in a while etc etc or empathise that it's not possible etc.

He's learning how to get your attention/get what he wants.

All children learn those skills; our job is to channel their tactics into appropriate ways of getting attention/what he wants.

When he shouts demands rudely , you say " Ask in a nice voice". And turn a deaf ear until/unless he complies.

When you want him to do something, say "Name , please give me Teddy, " or !Name, please can you fetch your shoes " and when he does, "Thankyou."

It's important he hears you and DH and other familiar people, speaking to each other politely and kindly. By and large, children copy our examples.

[quote Caspianberg]@AliceW89 - yes they sound similar. Ds has always been a grumpy baby a lot of the time. The first 9/10 months until he could walk he was only happy in sling or pram being walked, was walking hours and hours every day.
Same now actually, if he’s outside every hour of the day he is usually happy.[/quote]
Hahaha identical. I used to just walk for HOURS outside with DS forward facing in the sling as it was all he liked 😂 at least it kept me fit! He’s the same as yours now as well. Everything inside frustrates and upsets him. He’s better outside for sure, he could spend hours in the play area of our local park!

@NuffSaidSam

'I personally think it’s important he carries on tying to play with toys that frustrate him sometimes - it would be too easy to take everything away that upsets him. I’m not sure that’s actually beneficial in the long run.'

You have to do what you feel is right.

But, life gives enough frustrations. He will find his own things to be frustrated about. You don't need to give him toys recommend for slightly older children (I think Duplo is about 18 months) that he doesn't have the physical dexterity to use yet because it's good for him to be frustrated. You honestly don't. You're not going to encounter a child down the road who has no get up and go/weak fingers because she only got her first Duplo set when she was 18 months old!! It's fine. Give yourself a break, limit the frustration, limit the screaming.

He will find his own things to do to frustrate him. Get the Duplo out either when he's a bit older or, if you're really concerned, just occasionally when you feel like life hasn't been frustrating enough for him recently!

I never said ‘it’s good for him to be frustrated’ - this isn’t some kind of choice I’ve made in my parenting style. I would kill for him to be more chilled out, it would have made the last 14 months a damn site easier. I have to roll with who my child is and what sort of temperament he has, and quite frankly if I took away everything that frustrated him, he’d be sat in an empty room. But then he’d still get frustrated that he can’t walk around the empty room…you see where I’m going? I love him dearly but the concept of ‘a baby who hates being a baby’ couldn’t be more appropriate for him!

Honestly, I really recommend baby signing. It really made a massive difference for DD to be able to communicate with us and you can start any time with just a couple of signs that you think would be most useful. They pick it up so quickly.

@Starjammer - mine signs. But then just gets angry still that he’s signs biscuit or more again and again and he still can’t eat 20 biscuits.

Yes that's just a toddler thing I think!

Toddlers are extremely unreasonable. Mine has taken to head butting when he wants something or is generally pissed off. If he's really annoyed and you pick him up (to stop head injuries) he then head butts you.

He gets upset if we make a coffee and he doesn't get to put the pod in. Sometimes he will get in the bath and other times he'll throw himself around and scream and then make his body go limp. We basically have to pin him down to get him in his pram or car seat.

[quote Caspianberg]@Starjammer - mine signs. But then just gets angry still that he’s signs biscuit or more again and again and he still can’t eat 20 biscuits.[/quote]
This made me laugh. I have to admit I gave in and let my toddler (who only got about three hours sleep last night; as did I) eat as many baby biscuits as he wanted today. It's definitely a pick your battles kind of day 😂

@TheOpportuneMoment

*I feel you. The first thing my toddler said to me when I went into his room this morning was:

I want a banana. You go get it. Right now.'*

This really made me chuckle 😂 lord help us all and save us from the tiny tyrants

Ahhh the bold didn't work... I blame my toddler