Is it normal for toddlers to be so demanding?

[peaches35]

I have a 15 month old boy who is going through a horrible shouty phase. We go to the park and as soon as he sees me rummaging in my bag, he shouts and shouts and stretches his hand out (because he wants some item from the bag). He sees me using my phone and he does the same thing, because he wants to play with my phone. If I put him in his highchair and dinner takes just a couple of minutes to bring over, he will start shouting about that. And most recently, whenever I stop the pram for a minute to rest or whatever, he will shout and stretch his hands out as if demanding to come out.

Is this normal behaviour for a toddler his age? I was kind of expecting it when he hit the terrible twos but not at 15 months! Just wondering where my lovely, placid boy has gone

@peaches35 my youngest still gets shouty in the Pram if I stop,god forbid if I wanna browse something for me 😅
I find taking unlimited snacks out helps loads, I also bought him one of those toot toot steering wheels that straps onto the pram it's annoying as hell but it gets the job done 😂

Nah, he’s too young for that stuff. Legit doesn’t give a molecule of a fuck about your boundaries.
Distract, distract, distract.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Vtech-Toot-Toot-Drivers-Pushchair-Driver/dp/B01NBMMJ7T/ref=ascdff_B01NBMMJ7T/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=309952791721&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2406790304845149455&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007077&hvtargid=pla-420044676126&psc=1&th=1&psc=1

Here's a link if your interested OP

DS was like this until he was 2 and started talking and now he’s no bother. Distraction is your friend!

Hah this is such an interesting one, w started off trying to engage and reason and it's nothing like that for our toddler, actually he just want to be heard and acknowledged it seems.
So if he's making a noise and stomping his feet i just say"oh you really want a cuddle/the uncooked fish/the sharp knife right now don't you?" And half the time that's enough.
As soon as you set yourself up in opposition then he just tries harder and gets more frustrated.
Also by guessing and reflecting what he seems to want, it gives him the words for next time (we are working on that)
I think the biggest mistake is using adult reactions and reasoning witha toddler, as they are totally on a different wavelength, more of a "look, shiny thing" wavelength. So otherwise you'll end up everyone is frustrated.
Good luck though, it's still not easy!

Don’t say ‘no’ all the time, it’ll just become background noise. Seriously distraction. Have pre planned strategies 😂

I’d recommend big little feelings on Instagram. It 100% works.

It gets a bit better when they get to 7. Just a bit though!!

My 14 month old is hard work, he also has been since newborn though so I feel I haven’t had a ‘nice’ moment yet.

So far this morning:
Screamed as I wouldn’t let him eat suncream.
Screamed because I wouldn’t let him eat biscuits 30 seconds after a huge breakfast
Trapped his finger in hat storage box
Threw x2 pegs and a pair of pants over the balcony
Screamed that I dared to wash his face smeared with porridge and banana
Screamed as he couldn’t get duplo blocks apart
Screamed as he posted said duplo out cat flap then couldn’t get it back

Dh has taken him out now as I can’t cope with his constant screaming for stuff every 5 mins and he’s done it all week with me so far. I literally get to bed every evening and my head is pounding from having a year+ of constant screaming for stuff.

Say no that's not the way to get what you want, you need to ask nicely (model what you want him to say) and then distract. Distraction is your key parenting skill.

I say no when appropriate, I distract, I have the happy voice… he still screams, a lot. If he is distracted he will stop, but then something else causes him to scream 1 min later.
I tried ignoring him earlier telling him ‘mama is just cleaning the table’ and he fell to the floor screaming, held his breathe and started turning blue.

@Caspianberg

My 14 month old is hard work, he also has been since newborn though so I feel I haven’t had a ‘nice’ moment yet.

So far this morning:
Screamed as I wouldn’t let him eat suncream.
Screamed because I wouldn’t let him eat biscuits 30 seconds after a huge breakfast
Trapped his finger in hat storage box
Threw x2 pegs and a pair of pants over the balcony
Screamed that I dared to wash his face smeared with porridge and banana
Screamed as he couldn’t get duplo blocks apart
Screamed as he posted said duplo out cat flap then couldn’t get it back

Dh has taken him out now as I can’t cope with his constant screaming for stuff every 5 mins and he’s done it all week with me so far. I literally get to bed every evening and my head is pounding from having a year+ of constant screaming for stuff.

Do we have the same 14 month old? I feel the screaming at trying to pull duplo blocks apart in my soul…

I had this conversation with my HV, I wasn’t sure if my toddler was just a toddler or an especially demanding and difficult toddler. She assured me they’re all different and there was nothing about his behaviour which concerned her.

I don't think it stops? Just goes from screaming to constant 'mum mum mum'. Parent life.

Avoid key points of conflict too.

For example, pack the Duplo away! Get it out when they're a bit bigger and can take the bricks apart.

@HollowTalk @feb2022 my mum always used "oh goodness is that an elephant I just saw coming down the street?"

My eldest I wld say was the most difficult around 18 months. Danger to herself but get better after that age. She's always been a chatty little thing so cld talk well a that age and she's generally bn well behaved.

Current little one is 20 months and oh my, she just keeps getting worse 🙈 She's in at everything loves to climb and jump and she's turned in to the biggest, whingey crying girl. Much more so than when she was a baby. She sometimes bites, often pulls my hair and her new one is grabbing and pinching your skin. Also hits and then obviously has a melt down when she is told off. She is really hard work! I make excuses for her is it because her talking isn't great yet but I think she's just the 👿 Just as well I love her so much 😂

You shouldn't say "no" just because he has shouted to get it (obviously you do say no if it's something you don't want him to have). He can't talk yet so he's trying to communicate with you in the only way he can. By all means encourage him to ask nicely, but until he's able to do so you shouldn't shut him down.

@NuffSaidSam

Avoid key points of conflict too.

For example, pack the Duplo away! Get it out when they're a bit bigger and can take the bricks apart.

Thanks for the advice. Tbh my DS gets cross and a bit screamy at everything that slightly frustrates him - he has been this way since pretty much birth! Sounds like @Caspianberg DS is similar!

I personally think it’s important he carries on tying to play with toys that frustrate him sometimes - it would be too easy to take everything away that upsets him. I’m not sure that’s actually beneficial in the long run.

It's the toddler equivalent of a baby crying when they want to be fed.

@NuffSaidSam - he can pull the duplo apart and put it together fine, that’s the thing. He’s screaming because it took him 0.005 sec longer so got angry.
I can take it away, then he is angry that other toys don’t come apart, or than the book has no cat, or something else.
Yesterday he happily played with duplo.

He’s back now from park, dh said he screamed to get into sandpit, so they went there, then he screamed as the sand was too sand like.

I just changed his nappy, he was happy as Larry. Then screamed as he didn’t want to get off changing table.

I think it's a lot worse when they can't verbalise stuff yet. It must be frustrating for them. We did baby signing with DD and I think it helped as she could communicate with us before she was able to speak. Now she's a chatterbox and she's able to tell us what's wrong most of the time or ask for help when she needs it.

@AliceW89 - yes they sound similar. Ds has always been a grumpy baby a lot of the time. The first 9/10 months until he could walk he was only happy in sling or pram being walked, was walking hours and hours every day.
Same now actually, if he’s outside every hour of the day he is usually happy.

There was a thread on here once where someone referred to toddlers as 'small, rude dictators'.

That stuck with me because it's so true!

'I personally think it’s important he carries on tying to play with toys that frustrate him sometimes - it would be too easy to take everything away that upsets him. I’m not sure that’s actually beneficial in the long run.'

You have to do what you feel is right.

But, life gives enough frustrations. He will find his own things to be frustrated about. You don't need to give him toys recommend for slightly older children (I think Duplo is about 18 months) that he doesn't have the physical dexterity to use yet because it's good for him to be frustrated. You honestly don't. You're not going to encounter a child down the road who has no get up and go/weak fingers because she only got her first Duplo set when she was 18 months old!! It's fine. Give yourself a break, limit the frustration, limit the screaming.

He will find his own things to do to frustrate him. Get the Duplo out either when he's a bit older or, if you're really concerned, just occasionally when you feel like life hasn't been frustrating enough for him recently!