Feel like i'm grieving. Not bfing

[Lullaby88]

My 9week old was exclusively bf until 8 weeks. He wasn't picking up weight. However to me he seemed content aftrr feeds, was producing wet nappies. He hsd regained his birth weight plus more at 2 weeks but then his weight gain slowed down. I had support from lac consultant she saw how he latched and said it sll looked well. I was feeding 2hrly and he did begin taking an hour for each feed and getting cranky. Altho nappies consistent. At 9 weeks he still hasnt csught up. So i v been told to formula feed but can offer breast at night exclusvly and in the day before each 3hrly bottle feed. I stsrtrd today giving him bottles. I feel so sad doing it like iv lost a part of me. Seeing my husband bottle feed my son is painful. I wanted th bond and closeness and didnt want othrr ppl feedin him. My mum fed him too and i feel i wont hav th feeding bond anymore as anyone csn feed him now. Anyone experienced anything similar? My son seems really content aftrr FF so i know its the right thing to do. But feel rubbish inside. Lac consltnt said she will refrr him for tongue tie but th wait is 6 weeks. If its tongue tie she will help me to excl bf again. I think id struggle doing that tho all over again.

Also check that you're paced feeding bottles - the way that bottles are designed mean that babies naturally suck even if not hungry, so can overfeed - then you can get bottle preference as it's easier for them. Paced feeding just means it takes them a bit longer but you can still give the same amount.

I feel my supply is dwindling the more I pump. I replaced bfs for expressing. I'm all over the place. Then i started bfing too. Its all too much for me. I need a clear plan. Baby is being really fussy on the breast i think its because theres not much milk anymore :(

I feel so down within myself and have no energy left.

Should i bf instead of express? But then baby gets fussy so what do i do?

I would definitely breastfeed rather than express. Babies (even tongue-tied ones usually) are better at getting milk out of breasts than artificial pumps.

Hopefully someone with specific advice re TT + breastfeeding will be along soon; in the meantime I'd encourage you to nurse your baby OFTEN, as demand creates supply as a pp said.

Really hope the snip helps you and your baby to continue breastfeeding, as I can hear how much this means to you.

If you're topping up with formula then I'd definitely be breastfeeding rather than expressing , as the PP said a baby is better as getting milk (in most cases), plus if you're doing formula as well then at least you know your DC is getting plenty of nutrition.

Oh lovely it's so tricky, this bit. It does get easier.

I would breastfeed and then top up with formula. Stop expressing if it's causing you stress and what you pump is no indication of supply anyway. Have you looked into an SNS?

Thank u for thr advice really appreciate it. But i cant help notice my baby is looking so much happier, healthier and settled on FF. People are commenting on how healthy he looks compared to bf! And its making me doubt bf as he was so unhappy on the breast and crying loads.

If he was unhappy and crying constantly on the breast, keep him on formula. It's obviously working better for your baby

I couldn't make BFing work with DD and gave up around 10 weeksm and honestly we bonded so much better and were much happier when we switched to bottle, although obviously it's different if you were enjoying BFing which I most definitely was not! But I didn't feel bad for a momeny

I did make BF work for her brother and honestly I am not one whit less close to DD for not continuing breastfeeding.

Good luck with finding what works.

People are dicks. They have no say over how you feed your baby.

Have you had the TT appointment yet? DS2 was spotted at 8 weeks and snipped at 9 weeks and from there started gaining weight.

Breastfeeding is clearly important to you so I'd keep going - the tongue tie appointment could be a turning point. Feed feed feed as often as you can, then top up with formula.

Baby might be getting fussy on the breast as it's easier to get milk from the bottle - paced feeding will help if that is the reason. Silent reflux could be something else to consider? Mine was really fussy because of it and it got worse over time until we realised what the issue was and got help.

@tofuschnitzel

You absolutely can bond with your baby if you bottle feed. You are still the most important person in your baby's life, and that will not change however you feed him. Please try not to be too hard on yourself.

Absolutely.

I was the same as you with my first, op.

At least I tried - hard - and so have you. He will have received antibodies from your milk but he will thrive on formula now.

Bfing is important to me but also in a very confused state atm. I will try paced feeding and look into how to do that.
As mentioned the TT appointment will be a massive turning point for me. If it turns out he never had it in the first place then i think i'd be more inclined to bottle feeds as i would have a supply issue and iv done all o can to bf successfully and had the latch checked numerous times. I couldnt fit in pumping sessions with my other child aswel it wouldnt be realistic. If it is TT i will be more inclined to give bfing a really good shot again and see where it takes me if baby gains weight il continue. Lets see what happens on saturday!

Lullaby88 Im an experienced midwife but not an Lactation Cons. I do however work closely with LCs. In this scenario, they would almost always suggest baby feeding from the breast at each feed then pumping for 10 minutes per side directly after that feed. You can then give the baby the expressed milk and or formula if needed. Always put baby to the breast first. As others have mentioned, the amount you get out in a pump is always less than your baby will get and if you do it directly following a feed, there won't be much but this is ok as it's not necessarily about collecting milk at this point, it's about stimulating the breast to make more milk in subsequent feeds. What pump do you have? I would strongly advise you try and rent a hospital grade pump. Domperidone is a good idea. Tongue tie can definitely cause this as they often can't latch properly so they then don't drain the breast fully resulting in a lower supply. Having a tongue tie snipped will definitely help but won't be an overnight fix, it will take a couple of weeks or so. Really hope it works out for you OP.

OP that sounds like a really sensible approach - hopefully the tongue tie appointment solves all of your issues but if it doesn't you'll know you gave it your best shot. In that case combi feeding could also be a way forward to keep some breastfeeding if you want to, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. But whatever you choose will be the right path for you and your baby, its different for everyone.

Thank u, i have a medela symphony the LC gave to me. Baby is so fussy on the breast think he prefers bottle now. One breast isnt producing as much and he screams and tugs i feel sorry for him. Should i feed him a bit then offer the breast? As he wont be searching for milk that is barely there!
And yes combi feeding might be the way forward. Baby seems really happy with the bottle and i can already see he's piled on weight which he needed as the bf alone he looked a bit gaunt :( feel so bad i just want him to b happy.

I'd say breastfeed first and try lots of skin to skin and relaxing together too, dark calm room etc. Try to anticipate when he'll need feeding before he gets too hungry so that he doesn't get frustrated that its harder work from the breast than the bottle. You'll still have milk there yet, it's just harder to get for him and the more you feed, the more you'll produce. I love the phase 'boobs are factories, not warehouses'! Then top up with the bottle. Are you still working with the LC? You need to figure out a plan so you're clear about how much formula to give, whether to pump at particular times (if you want to carry on with this) and then ultimately if you want to aim to move back to EBF how to reduce formula top ups. Otherwise it's easy to fall into moving towards bottle feeding instead. Again, if you re-assess and that's what you want, great but that should be a choice you actively make rather than something you fall into and have the choice taken away IYSWIM.

If you want to bf, I would say persevere with the bf, if you aren't in pain. It's supply and demand. It makes sense that your supply is dwindling some if you are expressing. Lots of women don't respond to expressing. I didn't. But baby is usually much more efficient. If I was you, and I wanted to keep bf, I would literally just sit and feed back all day. Constantly. Switching sides. As much as he is awake. Get your dh to be on board all weekend (especially if you have older dc). Lots and lots of water for you. And eat constantly. And top up with bottle in between, but always breast first.

It's okay for a time that his weight gain is slowing. This does happen. As long as it's not stalled or he isn't losing weight. You can usually get your supply going again quite quickly, especially at 9 weeks.

I combi fed - kept low level breastfeeding going for the first year.

If he was my only child id have more time to bf all day and i would. I have an active 3 year old with me . my husband works long hours aswel. I used his paternity to do back to back bfing. I dont think i couldv done anything more until his slow weight gain began to plateau. I was feeding and feeding and feeding my 3 year old would be watching t.v id tap into support now and again. And the weight didnt lift. Could it just be my BM doesnt fill him up enough. He's just not content after bf feeds. Id say the first 2 weeks as a new born he was but after that hes always been unsettled. Makes me scared to go back to exclusive bfing now as iv lost confidence.

@cloudpop how do you do it? Night feeds? Need some ideas incase i cant exclusively bf again.

Hi @Lullaby88 it was a while ago - I definitely did bedtime and during the night breastfeeds and must have done another one during the day, then used bottles of other feeds. Mine were completely fine with doing both. Just drink gallons of water to keep yourself super hydrated - that's what I was advised and it seemed to work. Easy to say, I know, but try and relax and enjoy your breastfeeds so it is a lovely ritual the two of you do. Really wishing you luck with this. Main thing is - never beat yourself up. Keeping baby fed is the most important thing.

Just an update:
My baby had a tongue tie it's been corrected. But now i've got to put work in to build my supply up. He takes in 110ml of formula and i express 50ml and 20ml from either breast. I know the components are different but its just an idea that i might need to double my supply. Any tips are welcome. Iv considered a wearable breast pump anyone tried them?