Please tell me honestly the downsides of having a third child! Or why you chose to stick with two.

[giantwaterbottle]

I think it's my hormones but I am really craving a third child. Logically I don't think I want one but my heart says yes to another tiny newborn. I also love the idea of having three adult children.

However! It would mean big changes for our lifestyle, and I do find it hard to cope with two so I think they would miss out on so much if I had to divide my time again.

I'm mainly just rambling.

Some close to me was talking about having another child and I felt jealous! How petty and pathetic. But I did.

I have 2. We debated a 3rd for years but eventually decided no.

I just don't have time for a 3rd. Especially since DS1 has had lots of different medical problems since birth so I juggle FT work, 2 DC and many many appointments. DS2 is so easy going its already easy for him to be ignored against DS1's ADHD demanding behaviour.

They're currenty 7 and 9 and we've having the best holiday with loads of activities you can't do with little ones (canyoning, canoeing, long bike rides, climbing, swimming without being too closely supervised as well as reading quietly for downtime)

I love having three, but what I would always say is look beyond the early years. Often people imagine that the hardest bit is when they are all young, but I honestly don't think that is the case.

When ours were all primary school age or younger life was busy and chaotic and noisy but easy. Keeping them all happy and having fun day-to-day or on holiday was pretty straightforward and I always felt I had enough time for them.

Now the eldest is a teen and the middle one is heading to secondary, shit is getting real and I am much more acutely aware that having three children is logistically much harder and much more expensive. Their emotional lives are so much more complex and they need more support, not less (and mine are pretty easy going).

I am always slightly when people cite needing a bigger car (or even a bigger house) as a significant factor in their decision-making. It pales into insignificance in the context of 18 years (at least) of raising and nurturing an additional child.

If you struggle with two then why would you have a third?
I have three and while ds3 is a joy, three children is naturally more work than two. Also you have to consider how you would cope if your third child has any extra needs.

The tiredness

I tried for a long time for a third who never appeared and now mine are 7 and 10years I've accepted I have two amazing kids and count my blessings. I think the benefit for them now in having another sibling is less and the gap might be hard to keep everyone happy, despite my DHs sadness that Mother Nature has prevented our plan.

I got a puppy (instead) and stayed on sofa for 3 restless nights while he settled in - I was exhausted! I couldn't cope with a bad sleeper baby or co sleeping again. Neeeeever.

I'm one of four and I'd love a third and maybe a fourth too. I like the noisy organised chaos and I'm close to my siblings and wouldn't want to have less of them. Plus my current two are pretty good at playing with each other and get along most of the time which is so lovely to see and hear when they're chatting in the mornings.

I don't really enough the 18months - 3 part as much but I absolutely love the 3+ part and the funny things they come out with and watching theur personalities appear.

I am always slightly hmm when people cite needing a bigger car (or even a bigger house) as a significant factor in their decision-making. It pales into insignificance in the context of 18 years (at least) of raising and nurturing an additional child.

I think the nurturing an additional child for 18+ years is kind of the point - we wanted and enjoy that bit though I agree perhaps some parents don't think that far ahead.

However money wise while expected it would cost more in many areas - having to say no over and over feeling your children are missing out again the emotional impact of that I wasn't somehow expecting.

Plus many unexpected sometimes small bills across three children add up.

They changed secondary PE kit - as well as meaning I couldn't pass kit on to youngest child I had to suddenly buy 3 new kits which added up.

One time while they were in Primary school there was end of term I had request for trips, workshop, groups fees for next term, music lesson fees, swiming fee for next term all come in at same time across three children - none above £20 - came to £280 just before Christmas.

Three lots of school shoes for new year and there's no change for £100 on top of other uniform costs - I remember my parents complaining but somehow when it's your money you feel it more. They didn't really get enough swimming lessons in school - so 3 lots of outside swmming lessons that got expensive.

I think the car/housing costs are often a shorthand for less obvious additional costs that perhaps should be thought about.

@giantwaterbottle THIS IS ME RIGHT NOW AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! The thought won't bloody leave me! I'm only on baby number two and shes 6 months old. But the idea of having them together as adults, it won't leave my mind.

Did you end up having a third? Would love to know!!