Please tell me honestly the downsides of having a third child! Or why you chose to stick with two.

[giantwaterbottle]

I think it's my hormones but I am really craving a third child. Logically I don't think I want one but my heart says yes to another tiny newborn. I also love the idea of having three adult children.

However! It would mean big changes for our lifestyle, and I do find it hard to cope with two so I think they would miss out on so much if I had to divide my time again.

I'm mainly just rambling.

Some close to me was talking about having another child and I felt jealous! How petty and pathetic. But I did.

My parents eneded up with twins with with third (and accidental fourth) child. This is why I will never, ever have a third.

God you know naively I had not even considered multiples! 😱

If you find it hard to cope with two why would you have another!? That’s why I’m sticking with two.

Also you like the idea of a third newborn and a third adult child… there’s an awful lot of time in between…

You're right of course, I don't know why I'd think that maybe a third would be easier because maybe I'd be more used to it by then 🤷‍♀️

I also like the idea of the in between (mostly).

I have 3 and I love it, BUT the practicalities can be a pain the arse.

Cars - we need a 7 seater or you have to squash 3 in the back.

Hotel rooms - we always have to either book 2 rooms or some shitty "family" room that has a foldable bed squashed in somewhere.

Flights - someone has to sit alone
Taxis - always have to book 2 cars or a minivan
You're outnumbered basically so sometimes feels like there isn't enough of me to go around!

Expense - it's another child with all the expenses that brings.
The world is set up for families being generally 2/3/4 people

That said, I love my bunch and the dynamic is lots of fun!

Should have said, my youngest is now 11!

I wouldn't even call them "downsides" personally, but the main adjustments we've had to make were buying a bigger car and occasionally having a harder time getting holiday accommodation that suited us. But the car's great and we've done tons of lovely holidays, so they're minor.

oh and now spending quite a bit on a loft conversion to have a home office and still a bedroom each. But we never looked back. 3 is the magic number for us. So many wonderful times. Especially having girl-boy 1 & 2, it just seemed like a no lose decision (leaving aside the risks that come with having any children).

You're right of course, I don't know why I'd think that maybe a third would be easier because maybe I'd be more used to it by then 🤷‍♀️

Third WAS the easiest for us. 1st is hard as it's all new. 2nd is hard because what little time you had between you is now all taken up. 3rd comes along and there's not really much more time to give up, so they just sort of fit in.

We're not having a third because of the extra expense - it means a bigger car, we'd either have to extend the house or move again to get an extra bedroom (but would have to move to a less nice area to be able to afford that), nursery fees would make me cry.

And most importantly I've run out of boy names that I like.

I had planned on having 2 children. We had one of each so thought that was it. Then when other 2 were 9 and 7, I got pregnant again by accident. Personally I knew I could never have an abortion although I do support the woman's choice. Went ahead and had baby and completely fell in love with him. He was such an easy and sunny child always smiling and laughing. A good feeder and sleeper. My older children loved him too. They rocked him in his pram and played with him and read him stories. All my children are adults now but youngest son has brought so much love and joy and I can't imagine life without him. He also has such a close relationship to his sister and brother too. I know I was very lucky and it could have been very different with older siblings getting jealous and New baby being more difficult. Good choice for me to have him though.

I'm one of 4 and love it. I reallt loved being 1 of 3 as well. Always someone to play with when you're younger and now I'm an adult it's even better. My mum loves it as well but I know it was hard on her when we were younger

3rd comes along and there's not really much more time to give up, so they just sort of fit in.

This is how it is supposed to work, but in my case dc3 did not get the memo. It was a complicated pregnancy, he arrived premature and then required extra time in hospital. It meant dc1 and dc2 got very little time with either parent for a while. Also dc2 started school and we realised he needed quite a lot of extra support that we hadn’t realised before we conceived dc3.

On the other hand, dc3 is a delight and I can’t imagine our lives without him.

Money - it's the main downside. Childcare costs, trains/bus fares, car size, entrance fees, clubs/groups x3 and school trips, holiday cost may be more - later on Univeristy costs.

Time - there's less time or same time divided by 3 not 2. I also found it bit overwelming at times with having to be so many different places with outside school things in late primary but that was only a few years and was a choice and was partly becuase they were close together in age.

I love having three - we're lucky to have a 4 bed house and moved at right time for that benefit and we have two teens and a preteen and love it at the moment.

We've got 3.
I would agree with a PP tthat there are practical issues woth things like hotel rooms, and everything is set up for family = 2 parents + 2 children.
But something that worried me more was turning my second into a middle child. I'm not sure I believe that middle child syndrome is a universal or inevitable thing, but there are potential downsides to being in the middle and I think its worth being aware of the theories around that. Other birth positions have tgeir downsides too of course. I'm acutely aware that I have sometimes expected too much maturity of my firstborn and I have a friend who would definitely acknowledge that in her wider family there's a tendency for her 4 kids to be seen as The Twins, The Baby and The Other One, so middle isn't the only potentially risky place to be. However, as one of 3 myself I witnessed the disadvantage that the middle sibling was at and never wanted 3 children. But we don't always get what we want, so I have tried very hard not to let my middle child feel less important than his siblings. I think we've done ok, but I do sometimes worry.
As I say, not necessarily a deal breaker, but worth a thought.

I don't know, I waited 16 years for my 3rd.

We’ve got three. I love it. We do work twice as hard to make sure our middle one gets as much attention as the other two. The other two demand our attention and our middle one doesn’t so we have to be more vigilant to meet their needs. If I had started younger I would have another baby! We’ve got pets instead as we left it late starting a family. All the best with your decision!!

I do find it hard to cope with two so I think they would miss out on so much if I had to divide my time again.

This is the standout line from your post.

The baby fever will pass.

My brother has 3 and really regrets it.
Sil got broody when I got pg with my first and talked him into a 3rd. They both love him to bits but when being honest they say they wish they hadn’t had a third. Reasons are
Car has to be bigger
Holidays are harder/more expensive
Someone gets left out
No spare bedroom
Parents out numbered
Most of their friends stopped at 2 so everyone had older dc

Sil was kind of over babies by then as well and his older sister ended up looking after him a lot. To be fair he was a very difficult baby after 2 pretty chilled ones which I’m sure didn’t help.

If you're in a relationship, when you have two there's a parent per child. "Family" tickets are set up for four people, as are hotels and cars and all sorts of other things. It's just more for everything.

Our 3rd DC is amazing. Brings us so much joy and love.

May also depend on age? We discussed a third very seriously and it was a combination of finances and the worry that me being in my late 30s was more likely to lead to a difficult pregnancy or a child with additional needs (and the impact we’ve seen that have on older siblings) meant that we stopped, we feel very lucky with our DSs and didn’t want to ‘roll the dice again’. That said, if my contraception failed it wouldn’t be an absolute disaster.

I did like the thought of a third child. But the practicalities would have made it difficult. I am a deep sleeper so DH had to do the night stuff after the breast feeding stage. Think carefully if it's really what you want.

Our third was a joy for all of us - and still is.

Her sisters were 6 and 8 when she was born and they acted as extra Mums and loved every minute of it.

There are more family tickets for two adults and 3 children around than there ever was when was a middle child of three.

Plus sometimes you can get a family ticket plus child ticket - depend on the venue.

But can't deny costs go up .

We are at teen stage - 3 phones -food clothes - there's five people in our nuclear family it just costs more. For us it's worth it - when money was really tight when they were young I did worry they were missing out - looking back I don't think they did but I had huge guilt at some points.

I have two, absolutely zero plans for a third. Mostly due to practical and financial reasons. Two major factors is I have a child with additional needs, and I also have a health condition.
However and the biggest, absolute #1 reason is I'd rather be a brilliant mum to children than a mediocre mum to 3.

We stopped at two. Personally, before you consider the practical impact I think environmentally having more than 2 can be difficult to justify. For me anyway but I know not everyone agrees.

Husband is one of three. He has great relationship with brothers now but says it was constant squabbling when they were small, at any one time two got on and one was always left out. But you can never predict how siblings will (not) get on. I’m an OC so never had any sibling squabbles at all. For dh and I it was really easy to agree on stopping at two.